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Unread 03-19-2008   #4
Infidel
JihadStudios
 
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: USA Illionis
Posts: 21
Re: The Collection, The Beginning (Story)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Vengeance1701 View Post
Alright.....the good, the bad and the ugly.

Good? Process was like with the last one pretty well done.

The bad and the ugly? You really need someone to edit for you. The grammar was wrong and some elements defied internal believability.

IE: 1) a high school teacher is not likely to wave at her students, unless she was incredibly weird.

and

2) Beth started as a B, how could she grow TO a B?

Other than that, it sets up the main story fairly well.
As for the teacher, she was more of an rebel than one should be at her age and profession. I wrote that first part a long time ago, and I wasn't sure to crop it out or not. I decided to keep it in, to give more of a feel to Beth. As for the growth, I must of made some kind of mistake. And yes, I need someone to edit. Though I thought I got most of the major and basics...
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