[Prophet Tenebrae]

Not to be any more of a pedant than usual but that's not a story - it's a scene. My advice is that if you want to cut your teeth writing like this, you should hit the addventure... Not the most user friendly place in the world... and I suppose here you get better feedback, that'll come with having software that is over a decade old, I suppose.

It can be fun to tease/please girls by writing scenes - a crime of which I am most certainly guilty - but it''s best to do proper stories... plot, characterisation and all that jazz.