Onipuck

Well, this is a modest effort by a mortal such as yourself Kanntori, but I see flaws that you need to correct.

Such as in the first one, the breasts appear to be even, but on a slanted torso such as that, one of the breasts is lower by at least an inch(in scale to an actual person), then there is the inconsistencies with the facial skin-tone when compared to that of the actual body.
In the second one, the final panel of it looks as if the poor girl has twisted her teets, which as I can assume would hurt quite a lot, there is another thing that is not a bad thing but I must state it.
I believe the chorus from that Asian-mortal song goes like this "I like Bukakke".