[jaimehlers]

As others have said, there are a lot of errors (spelling, punctuation, capitalization). I suspect the main reason for the brevity of the comments is, simply, because it would take too long to go through the document and find them all. For example, I read fast, so I could read the entire story in ten minutes. However, to go through and find all the errors takes much longer - it would probably take me at least an hour on a document without many errors. For this one, probably two or three times as long, because there's so many repeated errors in it.

So, some general suggestions. First, use a spellchecker. Even though the document itself is in Adobe, I would be very surprised if you didn't have a text document somewhere. If you don't, make one and put your text in there, then spellcheck it.

Second, always capitalize names. For example, "Earth" not "earth", and "Apple Star" not "apple star".

Third, look for natural breaks in a sentence and use punctuation marks there.

Fourth, don't use ten words where five will suffice. That's the real source of "too wordy" or "too many words". If you can explain something with less words, do so. It makes it easier to read.

Finally, even making allowances for different date formats depending on the country, I'm pretty sure that when you refer to a date, you always write a number for the day rather than writing the number out. So, you write 2 instead of two.