[pseudoclever]

Chapter Three


?Alright then. You remember that I work with some Spanish-speaking immigrants, right??

I nodded. ?There are a bunch of Mexican guys if I remember correctly.?

?Most of them are Mexican yes, but one guy is Guatemalan. He told me that his family has some Mayan roots, dating back before the arrival of the Spanish in the early 1500's. And apparently Mayans have some interesting beliefs. Last year, when I was having back problems, he wanted me to go visit his Shaman.?

I chuffed. ?Yeah, I remember when you told me about that. All you really needed was a week off from work, with nightly back rubs from yours truly. What's some crazy guy sitting in a sweat lodge with chicken bones in his hair going to give you? I mean, other than a placebo and a rash??

She laughed. ?I knew how you felt about the idea. And that's why I didn't tell you when I went to see him. He gave me some herbs and ? placebo or not ? they worked.?

I kept my mouth shut. The mere mention of anything mystical like this makes my toenails itch. But in addition to being a skeptic, I'm also a pragmatist. Kristen had been dealing with severe back pain for much of her adult life, and everything she had done to treat it had failed miserably. If she had at last found something that worked for her, then, provided it was safe, there was no reason for me to try and talk her out of it.

?I decided to go back and see this shaman again on my lunch break yesterday,? she continued. ?And I told him about your little ? or should I say, your BIG fantasy. He got really excited, and told me he had just the thing.? She removed her hands from behind her back, looking pleased with herself, and revealed a small earthen jar.

It really didn't look like much. It was tiny, about the size of a golf ball, and it was painted a dirty sort of brown color. From the many flaws and irregularities I could tell it was home-made. Or just made to look that way, I thought cynically.

?The shaman ? Alonso is his name, by the way ? told me that just a drop of this stuff on my tongue will get the desired results. And before you ask, it was cheap. Alonso seemed to really like the idea of helping me this way, and he gave me a great deal. So...what do you think? How would you like it if your petite little girlfriend got a couple inches taller?? She looked at me, grinning from ear to ear.

I wanted to ask her if she had any idea what this potion was made from. Or just why she thought there was any chance in hell that it would work. But the huge smile on her face, the happy gleam in her eye...I just couldn't bring myself to disappoint her. Reality would do that for me soon enough. However, there was still the issue of hygiene. ?Ah...are you sure this stuff is safe? I imagine...Alonso...works in some pretty dirty conditions.?

She rolled her eyes. ?No, he doesn't. And yes, it's safe.? She looked at me, a hint of pity on her face. ?I know you don't believe in this stuff. Even I have to admit it sounds pretty crazy. But you believe in me, don't you??

?Of course I do baby, it's just....?

?Then just trust me on this one,? she interrupted. She removed the lid from the ceramic jar and carefully slid two fingers inside. When she pulled them out again they were wet, presumably with ?magic? potion. ?Here goes,? she said, her voice betraying a hint of nervousness. She swallowed, steeling her resolve, and let a drop fall from her fingertips into her mouth. For an impossibly long moment we stood, staring at each other. The candle flickered in the darkness, casting weird shadows around the room as we waited. I didn't really believe anything would happen, yet still....

?Well?? I asked her at last.

?He never said how long it would...OH WAIT!? she shouted, slapping her palm against her forehead. ?Alonso said the potion needs 'positive energy to catalyze the process.' I think that means....?

?...that we should hook you up to a live current and let the fun begin?? I joked.

?Of course not. You know Shamen...er...Shamens....?

?The correct plural form is Shamans,? I interjected.

?Whatever. They're very concerned with the balance of nature, harmony of life on Earth and all that. If he said positive energy, I bet he means it in the New Age, yoga-ey sense. So....? She turned and darted off into the kitchen, leaving me wondering just when my dull, predictable life had fallen off the rails.

Kristen returned a moment later, carrying a plastic serving tray. ?I was going to save these for dessert,? she said, setting it down on the table. ?But I think I found a better use.? On the tray were two bowls ? one held a number of fresh strawberries, the other filled to the brim with chocolate syrup. ?You know how chocolate affects me. If these don't give me a mouthful of positive energy, nothing will.?

I watched with baited breath as she lifted a strawberry from the bowl by its green stem. She rolled it in the chocolate until it was completely covered by a thick layer of the rich brown stuff. Lifting it to her mouth, she winked at me, and took a big bite.

She gasped in culinary delight, her eyes going wide. ?Oh my god honey, these are delicious!? she exclaimed, licking her lips. ?You've got to....? She trailed off. I could see her body start to tense, her hands clenching into fists. ?Something's happening...I feel....?

At first I thought it was a trick of the light, or that I needed to replace my contact lenses. Kristen looked as though she was stretching, although she hadn't moved at all. I tried to justify it rationally; surely she was just standing on her tip toes, playing some sort of elaborate prank on me. Within a few seconds however, it had become obvious ? Kristen was really getting taller!

As quickly as it began, the magic stopped. But no matter how skeptical I had been, it was impossible to deny ? my girlfriend had just grown right before my eyes. Not very much, perhaps a bit less than an inch. But she had certainly proved her point.

?Now do you believe me?? she asked, a teasing smirk on her full lips. I nodded dumbly, my mouth hanging open in slack jawed wonder. ?Good. There's just one problem...I'm still so hungry. I wonder if a certain sexy man would be so kind as to give me another strawberry. Pretty please?? How could I refuse?