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Re: New Fiction From REIF: Formula Number 9
Firstly, I ENVY YOUR WRITING! Compared to yours, My work looks like it was done by an elementary/primary school student.
Secondly, brilliant process. Particularly liked the idea of Michelle/Manuel boobs growing, which coincided with Michelles memories of her 'blossoming'.
I would've liked to see some more description on the facial changes, but if it's to avoid repeating yourself, then I understand.
Quote:
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Manuel's hands trembled with his fear, then his hands shook, then his hands changed..
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Just like to point out you didn't need to mention 'hands' so many times in a sentence, or repeat the statement that his hands were trembling.
For example, it could be written as "Manuels hands trembled in fear as they started to change..."
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-Male characters I like to see TG'd: Koizumi (Haruhi), Shinji (EVA), Keitaro (Love Hina), Satoshi (DNAngel)
-Female characters I'd like to be (Update): Rei (EVA), Ami and Haruka (Sailor Moon), Nene (BGC2040), Teletha (FMP), Haruhi and Mikuru(Haruhi Suzumiya), Yourichi and Rangiku (Bleach), Riza(FMA), Lenalee (D Gray Man), Ennis (Baccano).
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