[wandering_spirit]

Originally Posted by Tinn

This story of yours is pretty good. In particular, the emotion of the narrator and Karyn is well portrayed.
As for the section with the TG... well, I'm in two minds. Either the brutal, mindless rage of her father against someone he's never before seen is an unrealistic and inexplicable plothole, or its an attempt to portray a true beast, devoid of reason or pity.
Either way, this story's pretty decently written. Well done.

EDIT: I forgot to mention, I like the use of an immortal wizard-like protagonist. It's hard to pull off well and rarely done, but I reckon you manage it.

I know the 'bad father' is a bit of a problem, but I wanted to portray the reason for Karyn's suffering in some way. In a way, I went more for the latter: a broken man who passes his frustration and anger for his wasted life on his girl.