[merritstone]

This is an excellent story. There’s a lot of sexual fun-time play and grow stuff, and there’s also the hook that any good story needs. You remembered and successfully threw in a dash of real stressors that forced the main characters to react and over-come. A touch of threat, or chaos in a story is an important part in it not simply becoming a two dimensional humpty-hump sex fantasy. Nope, this one is 3-D, baby!

I also really appreciated your use of humor. I mean… this is sex. Its supposed to be fun, right?

These next comments are all very nit-picky. I only bring them up because you went out of your way to ask. Take with a grain of salt.

Things I read, but did not really feel. Your main character often described his early reactions with negative adjectives early on. ‘horror’ and ‘wanting to run’ and ‘morbidly curious’. These are understandable reactions of someone who has not fantasized about this occurring over and over again, but your main dude is a lover of the big ladies. I would've expected these reactions to come from someone who liked being the 'big man' and felt threatened by his growing girl-friend (only to come around in the end).

For Seth's attitude, I would’ve toned his initial reactions to shock, disbelief, and dumb-foundedness. You get the same basic feel without passing along the negative word play on to the reader. I mention this simply because as the reader I am directly effected by the implied tone of your narration.

Also I felt your female lead did a great dominatrix in later chapters (when she was 6’8” or so) but you mentioned her ‘icy dominatrix character’ back in chapter 2. When you wrote that I re-read the bit that preceded and none of that felt very icy or dominatrix-y to me at all. I get that you were trying to set scenes to follow, but I would’ve rather seen her morph into this false Dom as she grew… perhaps putting the scare into Seth. Working up his nervousness about her change in attitude, only to show that it was all an act later.

Oh and I couldn’t help keep thinking to myself that they were rolling around in a house smeared with sheep blood and entrails. Kinda gross. I understand it was very important to set the stage for the demon-y thing later, but generally I like keep my sex and animal remains separate.

Like I said, minor points all. Great tale.