[SoylentOrange]

A knock at Sidney's door caused him to jump from where he was lying on the couch, and he sat up, eyeing the door warily. He glanced at his room, where the computer sat in silence. He hadn't gone to the site, hadn't connected to the internet, hadn't even turned his computer on today. He flinched as the knock came again. It couldn't possibly-
"Sid! You there?" A voice came through the door.
"H-Who is it?" Sid asked reflexively, knowing the answer as soon as he finished asking.
"What do you mean, 'who is it'?" Kevin asked. "It's me!"
"Sorry! Coming!" Sid called out as he rose from the couch and going over to the door.
"'Who is it'," Kevin said as Sid opened the door, rolling his eyes. "Sheesh."
"Sorry," Sid repeated, shuffling his feet a litte. "After the past few days..."
"What about it?" Kevin asked as he let himself in, leaning against the wall between the front room and the kitchen as Sid shut the door.
"It's just..." Sid said, gesturing vaguely in the direction of his room. "I, 'well, what kind of girl do *you* get off that dating site?"
"No nymphos in red dresses, that's for sure," Kevin grinned. "Mostly just nerdy college girls and lonely single mothers. Why, did you get another?"
"Not a nympho- and I don't really think Lucy was, strictly speaking- but yeah, another girl that was.... well, she was a handful."
"A 'handful'?" Kevin chuckled, pushing off from the wall. "What's that translate to from Sid-speak to normal English? 'Complete raving lunatic'?"
"I- well, I don't know," Sid shrugged, scratching the bck of his head. "She seemed- well, she *was*- really angry at the start, and then we went... somewhere, and she seemed like she was enjoying herself-"
"'Somewhere'?" Kevin echoed, arching a brow and putting a hand on his hips.
"Well, I mean, you know..." Sid stammered.
"Okay, this I *gotta* hear, because you wouldn't be so dodgy about it if it wasn't someplace weird," Kevin said, grinning further as he stood behind the couch with his hands on the back.
"Ah, geeze, man..." Said whined, dropping into the chair in front of the coffee table. "Okay, well, I don't remember where exactly, but under this fish market, there were these two kickboxers, and-"
"Wait a sec- the pitfighting ring they've been talking about on the news? YOu went to a pitfight." Kevin asked, his smile dropping into an astonished expression.
"Is that what it is?" Sid asked, rubbing a shoulder. "I don't-"
"Yeah, you don't watch the news, I know, mr. hermit," Kevin said. "But how the hell did you find that place? The police have been looking for it forever, they say bad stuff goes down there. People have *died*."
"What?" Sid asked, looking at Kevin to see if he was playing another joke on him. "No, man, I- I mean, I just sorta followed her there, and they let her in."
Kevin just shook his head. "Crazy." Then, after a brief pause: "...And that was what she wanted to do for a date?"
"She was pretty upset about something that had happened at work, apparently. She vented to me about her boss and then wanted to go out. I think she was spoling for a fight, really."
Kevin whistled. "Wrong place to go looking for a fight, unless you wanted to get shanked."
Sid huffed a laugh out his nose. "No, she'd do okay. She was really strong. Like, *really* strong. She actually did get in a fight on the way back, and she dropped the guy in one hit."
"What, she kick him in the balls?" Kevin laughed.
"No," Sid said, his eyes widening as he shook his head at Kevin. "She headbutted him. She *jumped* and headbutted him. And the guy was a good four inches taller than me!"
"...Good grief," Kevin said.
"Yeah," Sid nodded. "So, yeah, I'm staying off the dating service for a little bit. Maybe I forgot to click the 'no crazy people' box."
"I'll say," Kevin said, leaning back against the wall. "Though I gotta say I'm almost a little jealous. None of my dates off the service have been nearly as interesting as yours."
"Well, the girl the night before was nice," Sid said, thinking back on Sally. "I just wish she hadn't run off so suddenly." Come to think of it, he thought, most of the girls he'd dated so far- all of them, actually- had ended their dates abruptly, usually in the middle of when he was talking for some reason or other.
"So a nympho, a normal girl, and a psycho," Kevin said, shaking his head. "You sure can pick 'em bucko."
"Well hey, it's not like-"
"Sounds like what you need is something to relax with," Kevin continued, pushing off from the wall again. "C'mon, let's go play golf, my treat."
"Golf?" Sid asked, open to the idea if a bit surprised- Kevin didn't strike him as the golfing type.
"Yeah, frisbee golf!" Kevin replied, heading for the door as Sid got up from his seat. "I even know a course not too far from here. C'mon, it'll be fun!"
Sid followed Kevin out the door, if a bit hesitantly. After the week he'd had he just wanted to relax on his day off, but on the other hand he'd try anything once.

"Report on the friend?" Priscilla demanded as she watched Sidney follow the other man down the sidewalk away from his apartment.
"Nothing on my end," Gina said.
"Oh, I could *So* take this kid," Lucy grinned, twirling a lock of her hair in a finger.
"I could probably get him, too," Gail said, "Though it's more Erin's deparmtnet than mine- what he has he wants to keep for himself, mostly, but more than that he just wants more."
Erin nodded.
"...And what about you?" Priscilla asked, looking at Wendy, who was staring at the two with her arms crossed under her chest.
"Nah, he's pretty- Oh!" Sally exclaimed as both Wendy and Priscilla looked at her. "I'm not the one in trouble this time, heh," She smiled.
Wendy scowled and looked back at Sid and Kevin, but she could feel Priscilla's eyes on her. "All right, all right, I got nothin', you happy?" She finally spat.
Priscilla just sniffed as she jumped across the alley from one building to the next, lips pursing just slightly. "Well, he doesn't have a mark on him, so I don't believe he will be a considerable hinderance to our efforts, but it is good to know his weaknesses regardless," She said. "It is an embarrassment to both myself and Father that your efforts thus far have been so woefully inade-" Priscilla froze mid-sentance, her eyes widening slightly before she dove for the ground. "Down!" She snapped, and the other sins followed suit, save for Sally, whom Wendy had to reach up to and pull down by the back of her sweater.
"What? What?!" Gail hissed as she lay on the gravel rooftop, looking side to side.
"...We are being watched," Priscilla snapped, "Stay silent!"

* * *

"...I'm serious, man, if I get another one today I think I'm gonna call the whole thing quits. The normal ones just aren't worth all the craziness," Sidney finished.
"Yeah, yeah, sure," Kevin said, Sid's words passing in one ear and out the other as he looked over his shoulder. "Dude, did you see the size of that cop back there?" He asked, turning to Sid.
"What?" Sid asked, stopping and turning around. The police officer Kevin was referring to was rather easy to spot, even with their back to them. Close to seven feet, they towered over most of the other chinatown residents, broad shoulders and buldging muscles barely-constrained in a blue uniform.
"Good grief," Was all sid could come up with.
"Friggin' Alcatraz in a hat," Kevin said, shaking his head. "Wonder what he's looking at?" He added, putting a hand to his eyes and following the officer's craned neck to scan the roof-line.
"Maybe some taggers or something," Sid said, shrugging as he turned back in the direction they were heading. "I wish the city would just put up some big concrete slabs in somewhere they could do that stuff legally. There's got to be a way to let them paint without making them criminals and without them messing up somebody's house or business."
"They've certainly put up weirder crap and called it art," Kevin said, tossing one last look behind him as he caught up with Sid.
"Heh."
"But getting back to your little emo-bout with the dating service," Kevin continued, "what's to keep you from saying no to the weirdos? Why not just call that girl from the day before back and just work on her a bit?"
"Well, first, 'Work on' makes her sound like a car or something-"
"Both need lots of care and attention if you don't want them to give you headaches," Kevin quipped.
"Ha, okay," Sid conceded, "But more than that, I don't know that I want to lead her on."
"Lead her on?" Kevin asked. "What do you mean?"
"Well, she's nice, and, I dunno, I can see us being friends, but... I guess I want someone more active, you know? Someone who likes to do things. Legal things," He clarified after a brief pause, "things I don't have to worry about being seen doing, you know?"
"What, you too good for pitfighting?" Kevin teased.
"You know what I mean," Sid said. "Just.. something a bit more classy, I guess."

* * *

"So, what was the problem again?" Sloth asked as she lay on her futon in the viewing room.
"It wasn't safe there anymore," Pride said, staring at Sid and Kevin playing frisbee golf through the mirror. "We were being watched."
"...But you like being watched?"
Lust, Wrath, and Greed all looked over to Sloth, who just shrugged her shoulders. "What? She does."
The three vices looked away, Wrath rolling her eyes and muttering "Idiot" as she did so.
"We can't risk compromising the mission at this point," Pride said, narrowing her eyes at Sidney as Kevin teased him about a particularly botched shot. She huffed a breath through her nose as she sensed no flare of indignance, Sid taking the ribing in stride and trying again.
"Sidney Arthur Graham..." Pride said to herself as she shook her head. She closed her eyes for a moment, then turned to address the othr sins. "At least we were able to find out Sidney's preferences before we had to leave..." She said.
"Hmph," Wrath huffed, turning away. "'Classy'. What does he mean, 'classy'? I'm classy as fuck!"
Pride touched two fingers to her forehead, cradling her elbow in her other hand. "In any case, the choice for Sidney's next aranged date is obvious," She said.
"You?" Envy asked.
"I-what?" Pride said, looking at Envy. Envy looked away, but her skin was already turning the color of concrete, as close as she could approximate to Pride's radiant silver coloring.
"You- you're always so regal-looking and self-assured," Pride said, the eyes on her wings fixated on Pride even as she squinted the eyes on her face, trying not to stare at Pride.
"No- well, yes- I mean, of course I am, all those and more," Pride said, recovering from her momentary confusion between being angry at being interrupted and gladly taking the flattery that the interruption consisted of. "But be that as it may, I have decided that Greed's lesser sophistication is still enough to serve my purposes."
Wrath and Greed both looked at Pride, then to each other before looking back at Pride.
"...O-kay," Greed finally said. "What do you want me to do?"
"Show the mortal the pleasurable excesses of wealth and opulence as only you can," Pride said. "And no," she continued as Greed opened her mouth and lifted the index finger of her lower-right arm, "You many *not* leave him with the bill."
"But-"
"*No* buts," Pride said, narrowing her eyes. "No tricks, no cheats, no evasions. You will use your own wealth for this, and you will use copious amounts of it." Pride pointed a finger at Greed, the vice narrowing her eyes like Pride's finger was the barrel of a gun. "If you leave the mortal with the bill, I will be *extremely* disappointed," She warned.

"Ffft! Aaah! Och!" Wrath heard as she apprached to door to the room she sahred with Greed. A smile exposed her fangs as she leaned against the doorway, listening to each of Greed's tiny exclamations of pain. She opened the dor just in time to see Greed pull another bill off her wings, a drop of black, tar-like blood dripping off the end of it. Greed looked over her shoulder as her two lower hands took the bill and added it to a small but growing pile in front of her.
"Oh, stuff it," She said, seeing Wrath's grin and turning back to her work. She winced as her top-left hand pulled another bill off her wing, the silver dollar it had budded from splitting open and falling to the floor.
"Hey, free entertainment like this doesn't come along every day." She replied. Wrath just liked to watch Greed suffer, especially after the humiliation Pride had put her through the night before. She knew that if Greed waited for the bills to "ripen" of their own accord, they would fall off naturally; it was when she couldn't wait for the money to properly bloom that it hurt to harvest it.
"It's not like- Nng!- you don't hate her as much as I do," Greed muttered.
Wrath's grin fell, her eyes narrowing. "...I'll take that bet," She said as she stepped inside the room, shutting the door.
Greed scoffed. "Not like it- thhtt!- matters," She said. "What difference does she make if she knows?"
"I dunno," Wrath said, sitting on her bed and grabbing a grinding stone from her bedside table. "I could rat you out."
"Pfft, so what?" Greed asked, wincing as she pulled another bill off her wings. "So you can be her *favorite* lapdog?"
"Yeah..." Wrath said, sharpening her finger and toe claws with the grinding stone. "Same reason you've never ratted on me. Won't do any good, even the best second place is still just the first loser."
Greed only nodded as she kept pulling bills from her wings.
"...It is strange, though, isn't it?" She asked.
"What?" Wrath asked in turn, putting her foot up on her knee to sharpen her toe claws.
"She seemed really shook when envy asked if she was gonna do the next one."
"Yeah... Yeah, what's with that?" Wrath asked. "She's usually first to do anything that will supposedly impress pops, why's she running us through first?"
"...If only I could have read the letter," Greed muttered. "What's she playing at with this kid?"
"Only Pride knows," Wrath shrugged, moving on to her horns, "And she ain't telling."
"...If she even knows," Greed said, remembering her confrontation with Pride on the rooftops.

* * *

"Dude, you would not believe the hottie I have lined up for tonight," Kevin said as he came into work the next morning.
"Oh, here we go again," Sid said as he washed vegetables in the trough.
"No, I'm serious, man, this time I've really hit the jackpot!" Kevin said as he put his apron on, practically bouncing with excitement. "Hot, smart, driven- we talked for hours last night after I got back from the golf course. We're gonna go on our first date tonight!"
"Well, lucky you," Sid said as he put the bundles of carrots in the washcloth-lined drying tub. "What does she do?"
"I... Don't know, exactly," Kevin said, scratching his temple with the back of his wrist before tossing his carrots in the tub as well. "Something about contracting and negotiations and acquisitions, that sort of stuff."
Sid nodded. "Well, so what are you gonna do on your date?"
"Well," Kevin started as he joined Sid at the washing trough, "She says she's new in town, so I figure I'll take her across the bridge, on a trolley, that sort of stuff."
"The whole tourist shebang, huh?" Sid asked as he added another bundle of carrots to the tub.
"One of the perks of living in a tourist town, homie," Kevin said, clapping sid on the arm as he walked behind him, adding one final bundle of washed carrots to the tub before picking the whole thing up. "The city's attractions become your attractions, at least for the first date!" He exclaimed as he backed through the door leading to the front of the store. Sid just shook his head and moved on to the cabbages.

* * *

Sid was on his computer when the phone rang, looking through the dating site to try and find Sally's contact information. He thought he'd like to try another date, perhaps a bit more active this time: maybe have a picnic at the golden gate park and watch the sun set or something.
"Hello?" He asked, cradling the receiver in his shoulder as he headed back to his computer. For some odd reason he couldn't find any record of Sally's message with her picture or their conversation.
"Sid!" Kevin's paniced voice came through the receiver, causing Sid to flinch away from the earpiece. "Thank God! You gotta get over to my place!"
"What? Why? What's the matter?" Sid asked, standing up from his chair.
"I'm stuck in downtown, they've got the whole thing cordoned off, something about a bomb threat or something, I dunno-"
"Oh my gosh, are you okay?" Sid asked.
"I'm fine, but I'm stuck here, and my date's gonna be here any minute!" He said, yelling over a lot of background noise. Sid guessed that Kevin wasn't the only one being detained thus. "You gotta get down to my place and make sure she doesn't leave! You remember how to get to my place, right?"
"Yeah, sure," Sid replied.
"Okay, good," Kevin said. "Her name is Gail, Gail Aucalf. Just, I dunno, make small talk or something until I get back. Don't let her leave!"
"Okay, okay," Sid said, pinching the receiver in his shoulder as he put his boots back on.
"Thanks, man, you're a life-saver. I'll be there as soon as possible!" Kevin said, before hanging up.
Good grief, Sid thought as he put on his jacket and headed out the door, late for a date and it's not even mine.

* * *

Sid tried to pace himself between getting to Kevin's quickly and getting there without sweating too much; showing up soaked in sweat would be the quickest way for Kevin's date to vacate the premises. Still, he didn't want to risk her leaving before he got there either, so his jog over to kevin's apartment was a staccato shift between third and fourth gears, so to speak. As he rounded the corner to Kevin's apartment, he slowed a bit as he saw a stretch limousine double-parked in front of the apartment building. Kevin lived in a nicer part of chinatown than Sid, sure, but not *that* nice. As he wandered into the complex's entryway, the blacked-out limousine windows reminded him of the same limousine that had pulled by his apartment earlier in the week- actually, it reminded him of it a lot.
Sid shook his head as he hit the elevator button in the complex's meager foyer. It wasn't anything to gt paranoid over- all those limos look the same anyways.

As sid walked down the hallway to Kevin's apartment, he noticed the door was open slightly. That's never good, Sid thought, his pulse quickening as he came up to the door and pushed it open. "H-hello?" He stammered, getting the feeling he might be stepping into a burglary.
A slight rustle and bang of furniture made Sid's heart jump, his hand reflexively tightening around the doorknob as a spike of adrenaline surged through him.
"Kevin?" A woman's voice asked as she stuck her head out of the doorway leading to Kevin's bedroom. "Oh! Hi," She said, smiling as she walked towards Sid, holding her hand out. "You must be Kevin. I'm Gail. The door was unlocked so I let myself in."
"uh, hello," Sid said, mentally trying to calm himself as he took Gail's hand. "Sorry, I just, um... a-hem!" He got out, clearing his throat to buy some time. He discretely wiped his hand on his jeans, hoping Gail hadn't noticed his sweaty palms. "Uh, I'm not Kevin, actually, I'm Sidney, Kevin's friend. He got, ah, held up, so..." Sid was trying to pay attention to what he was saying, but most of his attention was too busy being amazed at what Gail was wearing. Not so much her clothes, perhaps- the gold colored evening gown and high heels were elegant, yet simple- but he accessories were astounding. Hanging from each ear was a diamond earring the size of which Sid didn't think he'd ever seen in his life, around her neck was a string of black pearls that looked too enormous to be anything but real, and a menagerie of colored stones decorated her fingers below gold and jewel-encrusted bracelets. Even on top of all that, she wore an armlet of solid gold on her left arm and a wound-up gold chain just below her right elbow, the dangling hoops of gold shining in the late-afternoon sunlight coming through Kevin's window.
"So he's not going to make it?" Gail said, pouting.
"N-no!" Sid said, snapped back to reality. "I mean, ah, yeah, he's going to be along. Eventually." I hope, he silently added to himself.
"Well, pooh," Gail said, looking away and pinching her chin between her thumb and forefinger. Sid had to work not to get lost staring at the gemstones Gail seemed to effortlessly flaunt no matter what position she was in.
"Is- is something the matter?" Sid asked.
"Well, Sidney," Gail said, looking down through the wall to where the limousine was, "I've got reservations and a driver waiting, and I don't know how long they'll be able to wait. Did you talk to Kevin? Do you know how long he'll be?"
"Er..." Sid said, scratching his head. Anything dealing with the SFPD wasn't going to be fast, he was pretty sure...
"Well, how about this," Gail said, walking into Kevin's kitchen and grabbing a pen out of the holder under the phone and an empty envelope off the kitchen table. "I'll write him a note, we can go pick up the food, bring it back, and then we'll have a little picnic here in the living room."
Sid thought while Gail wrote the note. If the reservation was already made and the limousine paid for, it'd be rude to waste everyone's time and money. Unless it was like really far away, they could probably get to whatever restaurant Gail had in mind, get the food boxed up, and bring it back pretty quickly. Even if Kevin got there before they did, he probably wouldn't have to wait long. Better thqn trying to fight for another reservation on a saturday night.
"Well, oka-"
"And done!" Gail said, sticking the note to the refridgerator door with a piece of tape. She capped the pen she was writing with, stuck it in her purse, and turned to Sid. "Okay, let's go, before we're late!" She said, skipping past Sid and grabing his hand. "Time is money!"

* * *

"Wow..." Sid said as he looked around the spacious interior of the limousine, bouncing slightly on the seats.
"First time in a Limo?" Gail asked as she opened the mini fridge, grinning.
"Yeah," Sid answered, looking around. Mirrored ceiling, moon roof, lights running the circumfrence of the cab... It was unlike anything he'd ever seen before.
"You want a soda or something?" Gail asked as she put the tiny liquor bottles in her purse. "Paid for it, might as well use it." She added.
"Uh... Sure," Sid answered, craning his neck to see the bottles. "Can I have that club soda there, please?" He asked.
"Coming right up," Gail answered, pitching the bottle to Sid before going back to her pillaging of the mini-fridge's contents. "So what do you do, Sidney?" Gail asked as Sid's cap hissed open.
"I work at a grocery store," He said, looking out the windows. "And, uh, 'Sid' is fine. What about you?"
"Is the pay good?" She asked, finally closing the mini-fridge door.
"It's okay," Sid shrugged. "Enough to live on."
"Enough to survive, maybe," Gail scoffed as she sat back, crossing her legs and folding her hands over her knees; even in the muted light coming through the tinted windows her jewelry sparkled. "But live? Not if this is your first time in a limousine."
"Wh- well what's that supposed to mean?" Sid asked. "I'm pretty okay with what I've got."
Gail earched an eyebrow at Sid, grinning slightly. "'Pretty okay'? That's called settling, Sid. Find me one multi-millionaire who's 'pretty okay' with their standard of living." She scooted towards Sid, sitting on the bench-seat directly across from him as she leaned forward. "Everything worth anything in this life costs money, Sid. It is, as they say, what makes the world go 'round."
Sid opened his mouth to reply, but Gail just kept on going.
"And don't think me shallow or materialistic," She said, leaning back. "In a way, money is the great equalizer, it can make anyone equal to anyone else. Look at that Stephen Hawking fellow, he can barely move and yet if he wanted to, he could buy the same house as any lunkhead pro football player. Why, because they've both got the money, and at the end of the day, it's all anyone really cares about- what you can do with your money."
Sid tilted his head to one side and then the other, mulling Gail's words over. There was certainly some truth to it, that the cash register doesn't play favorites. "Well," He said, smiling back, "I guess I've just gotta quote the old song on this one: 'the best things in life are free'."
Gail laughed, the act causing her jewelry to bounce and sparkle on her frame. "I've heard that song, and let me tell you, I know a woman who for a few hundred bucks can be a better kisser- or whatever- than that singer's ever had."
"Is her name Lucy?" Sid scoffed.
Gail paused, cocking her head at Sid. "Ferraro?" She asked. "Tall, blonde, huuuuge bazoombas?"
Sid blinked, then laughed. "Yeah, actually," He said. "You, ah... know her?"
"Oh yeah," Gail said, waving her hand at Sid. "We travel in the same circles sometimes. But no, she's not who I was referring to. She does all of her, ah, 'work' pro bono when she's looking for the next temporary Mr. Right." She turned her head, looking out the window. "Shame, too- as good as she is, she could make *bank* if she wanted to."
Sid couhed, feeeling his face flush. "So, ah, what did you say you did again, Gail?"

* * *

"They're talking about me!" Lust said from her futon in the viewing room, propping herself up on her elbows. "I can feel it!"
"Talkinf abow yu?" Gluttony asked, looking at Lust and back to the viewing mirror with her mouth half-stuffed with popcorn balls. "Gulp- why would they talk about you?"
"Well, because I'm a sexy, sexy chick, obviously," Lust said, rubbing her two breasts together. "But aside from that I don't know."
"I would surmise she is attempting to ground Sidney in reality," Pride said, hands on her hips. "At once throwing him off-balance by bringing such a carnal memory to bear yet grounding him in the fact that 'Lucy' is indeed a real person and not just a figment of some crazed imagination. At least, that's what she would be doing if she were as brilliant as I."
At the back of the room, Wrath rolled her eyes and scowled.

* * *

"...and leveraging my various contacts, assets, and liabilities from other entities, I supply the contractee with the means and capital for them to fulfill their own ventures while keeping a collateral to be paid out for later," Gail said, counting off on her fingers.
Sid nodded, but it was only a gesture of politeness; he'd long since become completely lost in the verbal maze of financial lingo.
"So, ah, what exactly do these, um, 'clients' give you, then?" Sid asked, able at least to understand 'collateral'.
"Well, there are a number of tangible, semi-tangible, and intangible assets that usually... oh, we're here!" Gail said, looking out the window as the limousine finally stopped. Gail scooted next to the door, bouncing in anticipation. Sid scooted over behind her, looking out the windows. Wide streets, tall buildings... They must be near downtown.
"Ah... tht's better," Gail said as she stepped outside, taking a deep breath of the cool evening air. Sid blinked, suddenly feeling rather under-dressed. He zipped up his jacket as he looked around, spotting the spire of the TransAmerica building between the row of skyscrapers across the street.
"Man," Sid said to no one in particular, "I can't remember the last time I was even near this neighbor...hood?" He said, losing his train of thought as he turned and noticed Gail bent over the gutter. Gail turned, smiling awkwardly as she shook the water (or whatever it was soaking in, Sid didn't want to hazard any further contemplation) off the quarter and dropped it in her purse.
"...Waste not, want not, right?" Gail offered as she made her way to the door of the building they were in front of.
"I... guess?" Sid offered as he followed along, his feeling of underdessedness only magnifying as he went through the lobby, everything shining brass and granite.
"Um... this place we're picking up the food from- it doesn't have a dress code, does it?" Sid asked.
"Oh, don't worry about it," Gail said, waving him off as the elevator dinged for the lobby. "I'll take care of it."
Sid fidgeted in the elevator, his orange jacket standing out like a traffic cone in the sea of black and white. Still, he thought, of all the awkward situations he'd been in the past week, this was admittedly one of the more pleasant ones. It was just too bad Kevin couldn't be here for this- hopefully they'd be able to get their food and get back without too much awkwardness.
"This is us!" Gail chirped at the elevator dinged again, sid doing a double-take at the floor number.

The doors opened to cherrywood walls, soft classical music, and a tuxedoed Maitre'd. Sid felt his cheeks flush as he followed gail through a pack of reluctantly patient men and women in formalwear right up to the podium.
"Aucalf, reservation for two," Gail said, taking a second to comb her fingers through her hair and showing off her earrings in the process.
The Maitre'd glanced at Gails jewelry, then down to the reservation book, then back at Gail. "Yes, right away, Miss Aucalf," He said, before catching sight of Sid. "Er... is your companion aware of the dress code?"
"Oh, yes, of course," Gail said, giving a short laugh. "It's just, you see, this was sort of a spontaneous date, originally it was just me, and he didn't have time to change when I grabbed him off the work site for his new building." Gail leaned slightly over the podium, displaying quite another kind of riches. "Surely there's some way you can help us?"
"Er..." The maitre'd started, eyes darting from point to point. "Do you-"
"Thirty-eight long," Gail answered.
"One moment," he said, and excused himself as quickly as would be considered decorous.
"What was that all about?" Sid asked.
"Just greasing the skids a little," Gail said, turning to Sid and smiling. "Can't seat us when you're looking all grungy."
"Well, thanks," Sid said, blushing a little, "But do we even need to be seated? I thought we were just picking up the food to take back to Kevin..."
"Oh, c'mon, look at this view!" Gail said, gesturing to the windows at the back of the restaurant. Sid craned his neck, trying to see past all the other diners and waiters. He could see the lights from the other skyscrapers, and past that the waters of the bay. Not a lot of restaurants that could claim to see the bay, not from here at least, and certainly not cheaply.
"We've gotta wait for the food anyway- why not at least wait at a table with some drinks and free bread?" She asked.
"Well..." Sid said, looking up as the maitre'd brought a suit jacket back to the podium. "Okay, I guess," He said, taking his jacket off and slipping into the one the maitre'd handed to him. They were led to a table by the window, Sid momentarily agog at the view it had over the bay.
"Now this is more like it," Gail said as she settled into her seat, accepting a menu from the maitre'd and opening it up. "I'd like to start off with a bottle of wine, please. Something in the sixties, a Bordeaux perhaps?"
"I'll certainly seewhat we have on hand," He said, giving a quick bow before looking at Sid. "And for you, sir?"
"Ah... just water, for now," Sid said as he smoothed his napkin in his lap. With a bit of trepidation, he cracked the menu, eyes widening slightly when he say the prices. The restaurant didn't even bother to put the cents on the prices; simply two digits (or even three!) and a dash.
"Now, uh, did Kevin and you, ah... talk about..." Sid started, trying not to be indecorous but knowing there was no way in a million years Kevin could afford this sort of expense.
"Oh, don't worry about it," Gail said, waving a hand. "I've got it."

* * *

"...I don't get it," Gluttony said.
"There's a shocker," Wrath quipped.
"What is it you don't understand?" Pride asked, ignoring wrath.
"Well, I mean, she's got all the trappings down, but she's not doing anything. You'd think she'd be pressing on the kid by now; why not?"
"I believe her intention is to surround him in the positive results of her vice before attempting to push him to make it his own," Pride said. "Showing and then telling, so to speak, instead of trying to do both at once. Highlighting how much better his life could be if he focused more on the accumulation of wealth."
Envy opened her mouth as if to speak up, but thought better of it and curled up into her seat more.
"Basically, she seems to be taking the same approach Lust did, only with more subtlety," Pride finished, nodding.
"Pfft," Wrath said, hands on her hips. "How could you not be more subtle than Lust?"
"Oh, this from *you*?" Lust retorted, he tail blowing a raspberry at Wrath.
"You wanna make something of it?" Wrath shot back. Pride rolled her eyes and turned back to the viewing mirror.

"Ah... exquisite," Gail said as she tilted the wine glass down from her lips. "Perfect. Leave the bottle."
"Certainly, madame," The server said.
"Try some, Sid," Gail offered, tilting the bottle toward him with her other hand. "I mean, why have a driver if you're not impaired?"
Sid laughed, but put a warding hand up anyway. "No, no thanks."
Gail shrugged. "More for me," She said as she filled her glass again. "The expensive stuff really *is* better," She said, arching an eyebro to Sid.
"No thanks," Sid repeated, still trying to find the least-terrible option on the menu. The prices really were outrageous.
"Well, okay, so then what're you gonna get for an appetizer?" Gail asked, picking up her menu again.
Appetizer? Sid shook his head. The appetizers alone were more expensive than most meals he'd eaten out. "I, uh, I'm not that hungry."
Gail rolled her eyes, resting her chin on her knuckles, elbow on the open menu. "Well, then what kind of appetizer do you think KEvin would like?" She pressed.
"Uhm..." Sid was stuck for this one- he couldn't decline on Kevin's behalf, so he had to get something. He looked for the cheapest item on the menu, a bowl of soup. "He really likes soup," Sid offered. He'd never heard Kevin give an opinion one way or another on soup, but at twelve dollars for an appetizer bowl he'd better like it.
"Okay, and what about dinner?" She continued. "What does he like?"
This one was a little clearer. Sid knew Kevin liked a good piece of meat, but when the hamburgers were Kobe beef, even that was ridiculously expensive. He looked for the cheapest steak he could find on the menu, and told Gail Kevin would like that.
"What?" Gail asked, drawing back. "That horrid piece of jerkey? Nonsense. If he wants meat, nothing less than the chateaubriand will do. In for a penny, in for a pound, after all."
"Chateau...?" Sid repeated, looking for the price on the menu.
"Oh, you poor thing, you've never had chateaubriand?" Gail said, her brow furrowing. "YOu really should ask your boss for a raise."
Sid shifted in his seat. "Well, I mean, I don't think my boss can afford it, really..."
Gail gave Sid a disapproving look and shook her head. "How long have you been working at your job?"
"About a year and a half now."
"And how many raises have you gotten?"
"Well, none, but-"
"Pfft. None? Why? I bet after eighteen months you know that store like the back of your hand, know how everything works, know where everything goes..."
"Well, yeah, but-"
"But what? I bet if your boss got sick you could *run* that place, and yet you're still not worth more now than some stranger off the street?"
Sid had no real retort, so he just shifted in his seat and glanced down at his menu.
"Lemme tell you something that'll do you good the rest of your life, Sidney," Gail said as she folded her menu and leaned forward over the table. "Lots of people think giving is the way to happness, to making the world a better place. Well, it's not. Getting is. Getting is the way to making everything better. You want to give your time to a soup kitchen? Fine, that might help a few dozen people in an afternoon. You spend that same afternoon at a good-paying job, and you can use that money to buy enough foor to feed a hundred people. How many charities started by celebrity actors and sports stars and moguls. Find me one wing of a hospital named after a file clerk or a theater projectionist, really. No, the best good in the world is done by the people who got rich first, looked out for their own needs and interests, settled their lives, and *then* decided to use what was left over from others. Giving to nothing from nothing isn't a noble sacrifice, it's giving half a parachute to a falling person so now you both hit the rocks. Looking out for number one lets you eventually look out for number two, three, four, and so on down the line. So, get paid what you're worth. Demand it, even. You can help the people you've left behind on your way up once you reach the top." Gail looked like she was about to continue, but then the waiter approached, and her tone instantly perked back up.
"Oh, hey!" She said, smiling. "Okay, so we need one chateaubriand to go and one for right here, both medium-rare" She started, "Oh, and add a bowl of soup du jour to that to-go order. As for me, I'll have the conch fritter and caviar with white truffle sauce."
"Will there be anything else?" The waiter asked as he finished jotting down the food.
"...Another basket of bread?" She asked, holding up the crumb-lined basket between them. Where'd it all gone, Sid wondered?
"Certainly," The waiter nodded, taking the old basket with him as he went away with the menus.

"Man, look at that view," Gail said, looking out the window. "Not the cheap seats, that's for sure."
Sid looked out the window, but didn't really take in the sights; he was still mulling over Gail's words.
"...Speaking of cheap, I noticed you pick up a quarter out of the gutter earlier," Sid finally said, looking at Gail.
"YEah?" Gail answered. "Penny saved is a penny earned, right?"
"Well, sure, but it's quite a switch between pulling a quarter out of the gutter and spending... I don't even want to think how much, on a guy you've only talked to once and another guy you've literally just met," He said, gesturing to himself.
Gail shrugged. "One of the advantages of having money," she grinned. "You get to spend it on whatever you feel like."
"But, it just seems at odds with the rest of it," Sid said, shrugging. "I mean, you just got me a meal- *a* meal- that were I to get a regular steak at a perfectly decent place, I'd still have enough left over to pay my utilities for two months."
"So?" Gail asked, taking another sip of wine.
"So, I guess the question is, where does this 'rich charity' start? I mean, at what point does 'living well' turn into 'selfishness'? When do you pass from 'frugal' to 'miserly'?"
"Sidney-" Gail started, her expression freezing.
"When do you go from 'ambition' to 'greed'?"
Gail flinched as though she'd been struck.

* * *

"Damn his luck!" Lust exclaimed. "I swear, again! A perfect four for four!" She sprang to her feet, looking at Pride. "He must be getting help. No one's this lucky. One of *them*-"
"Settle down," Pride said, her brow furrowed. "I'd know by now if he was getting angelic assistance. Though it is oddly disquieting..."
"Why isn't she bolting?" Gluttony asked. "She's already starting to show."
"She's making a meager attempt to salvage her failure," Pride said, shaking her head.

* * *

"So, uh, I mean, I've got a fairly divested portfolio of non-profits and so on, and so, um, it's really not fair of you to judge me in such a way, without, uh, without all the facts, right?" Gail said, trying to get the words out as fast as possible. She was already clamping her arms down to her sides in an attempt to his her second pair of arms as they grew out, and her horns were going to start poking out of her hair at any moment. Her skin was already changing, and she could feel her hips and bosoms swelling against the gold fabric of her dress.
"I suppose, and I'm sorry, it's just..." Sid started, trailing off as he looked at Gail. The instant he cocked his head, Gail lurched from her seat. "I'm sorry, I've gotta go to the restroom real quick," She said, taking a step away from the table, pausing, turning back, grabbing the bottle of wine, and continuing on.
"But-" Sid started, a little shocked.
"And the bar after!" Gail offered as an excuse, lifting the bottle slightly.
"O-okay," Sid said, starting to get up himself but wary of making a scene in a place where he was so obviously *out* of place.

* * *

"Who is it this time?" Pestilence asked as Greed materialized on the back of her horse. Looking behind her, she caught Greed's form and turned back to the reins of her diseased and emaciated horse, the infernal energies granted to it as an agent of the apocalypse the only thing granting it the stamina to continue.
"What do you mean, 'this time'?" Greed asked, somewhat indignant.
"I heard from Famine and War about you guys," Pestilence said, taking a deep, raspy breath, her corpulent form squeezing and rolling against itself as she moved on the horse. "You girls been taking a lot of free rides lately."
"Hmph," Greed said, crossing her arms. "Not intentionally."
Pestilence shrugged, snapping the reins of her horse again. "Same kid?" She asked, burping afterwards.
"Yeah, same stupid lucky kid," Greed groused, taking a sip from the bottle in her upper left hand.
"Huh," She said simply, guiding her horse to the Malbolge. Pestilence was never much for talking, and Greed wasn't eager to discuss her expedition, having seen how well it had gone the first three times. Greed took another swig of wine as Pestilence guided her horse past the seventh circle.
"...Can't you get a bigger horse?" Greed asked, trying not to touch PEstilence's filthy rags but finding little space between the rider's bloated form and the horse's arrow-riddled flanks.
"He's okay," Pestilence sniffed, rubbing one of her pock-marked and growth-infested arms against her nose.
"Maybe for you..." Greed groused. Still, she thought, she'd rather spend any amount of time on the disgusting horse than to be put in front of Pride with nothing to show.
"Hey, hey, leggo of that, those're mine," Pestilence said, twisting around as she stopped in front of the Vices' home.
"Just wanted a souvenier..." Greed said, her attempt to steal one of Pestilence's arrows thwarted by the end of Pestilence's bow batting her hands away. "All right, all right, geeze," She said, sliding off the back of Pestilence's horse. Looking around, she finished off the last of the wine before she got to the door, bracing herself for the malestrom of infernal fury waiting on the other side.

"Incompetence!" Pride shouted before Greed had even gotten the door all the way open. Pride was standing at the top of the staircase, Gluttony and Lust back behind her near the door to the viewing room. Wrath had jumped to the bottom floor, and was leaning against the hallway to the den underneath the catwalk. Sloth and Envy were nowhere to be found, Sloth likely due to indifference and Envy for the exact opposite reason.
"You left him with the bill. Ridiculous. Inconceivable," She said, her heel-talon clacking against each step like a nail driving into the stone. "I *specifically* instructed you to pay for his evening and now he is *walking* home, nearly *penniless* because of the bill *you* abandoned him to."
"I-"
"SILENCE," Pride yelled, violet fire blazing in her eyes. "Pathetic. He is but one mortal. One! We have pulled entire cities into chaos, corupted entire societies, and yet you fail, day after day, thwarted by a single dim-witted mortal!"
Greed scowled. "If you've got the answer to why he seems so incorruptible, why we can't even get a decent reading off of him, then perhaps *you'd* like to take the next shot at him, save us all the trouble!" She snapped, stomping a golden hoof on the floor.
Pride's face twisted up, her eyes flaring so bright it made Greed squint against their brightness, though she refused to avert her gaze. "You *dare* presume to order *me*?!" She yelled, Gluttony and Lust backing away from Pride as she descended the rest of the stairs. "I do not *suffer* from your *incompetence*," She snarled, "When I deem my involvement *necessary*, I will-"
"Then *do* it!" Greed yelled back, all four of her hands up, palms open to catch any incoming blows. "Even you wouldn't string us along this far if you had any idea what you were doing! You would've swept in to save the day and make the rest of us look bad by now!"
"I know *exactly* what I-" Pride started.
"Then *prove it!" Greed bellowed. "Show us the letter!"
"Rrrrraaaaagggghh!" Pride howled, shoving Greed's shoulders back against the wall with a thud. Greed grabbed Pride's hands, but Pride whipped around, throwing Greed off of her and sending her skidding across the foyer, leaving a trail of shedded coins and bills across the floor until she crashed into the door to Sloth and gluttony's room.
Greed's head spun, getting slowly to her hands and knees, too dazed to even defend herself. A hand grasped the back of her neck and hauled her up, Greed throwing her elbows back only to have them stopped by a forearm. Greed looked over her shoulder right as Pride's door slammed, seeing she had been picked up by Wrath.
"I'm not the one you want to hit, idiot," Wrath growled, setting Greed down on her feet and whipping her hair once before walking out the front door.
"No..." Greed frowned, beding down to gather the scattered money. "No, you're not."