The Process Forum - View Single Post - The Succubus' Vows

frice2000 · 07-06-2010

2. I think the hand off would've worked fine if you made the first time change a tad more explicit. The rest fall in line then. I understood what you were doing and it was a great hook but it needed a little more for the initial change is all. Your later perspective change to Zoe went fine.

3. That works. Sex demons who rely on illusion and are massively immortal and get next to no variety in life would likely not be the greatest tactical thinkers ever. Leads me to wonder what a great tactical mind turned into a succubus would be though. I mean Zoe was quite intelligent and quick witted but a even more intelligent tactical mind in that position could be neat.

4. Like I said your typos for the most part were on the level of a lot of quickly produced books i see from professional book companies for the most part so i wouldn't sweat it too badly. For that many passes you did phenomenally.

5. Oh i think that many 'deaths' and not having them resolved was great. I'm just thinking that might not fly for some in the professional world which i think should be your goal and as such was just mentioning it. People lie sappy in the fantasyish genre you are good at writing in.

6. I really thought some input or temptation from the devil works there. Don't have to go about deifying her but some option to chose the 'quick and easy path' after so much difficulties would make her even more deserving of the mantle you bestow her later. I could see the Devil approaching Zachary first and telling him he died a succubus and is thus his for eternity before God jumped in. Still think he needed to be a bit more of a player there then a shadow. Maybe if you didn't want the whole manipulation and temptation thing a line when Zoe is on her way back to Earth rather then just irritation would make the whole thing more interesting. Maybe even the Devil playing a lawful good PC with God playing a neutral or something in passing would be intriguing too. Can see why you went the way you did and it works but I'd think the Devil too would be quite interested in a soul that he too has an obvious in with considering the amount of times Zach/Zoe was almost corrupted recently...and tempted.

9. I'm not a fan of Twilight either but that doesn't mean you can't take monsters and make them protagonists for good. That's not the route you wanted to travel and I respect that. I can see why and you wrote a great narrative. I enjoy stories where the monsters are monsters and do evil things but can still be related to. That as a literary technique goes back to Paradise Lost if not further. You had a very nice dark heroine who became light and that works. I just hope if there's another story with Zoe that the light doesn't remove all of her flaws. Reading about a completely perfect or evil being just isn't that entertaining. The story of a succubus contending with her evil nature but still being good was great...But after everything she went through I can see why the reward was given. Question though you seem to insinuate that angel Zoe can have kids now? Heh...and man that offspring will be quite powerful won't they?

Oh and miscellaneous question did you get my email?

07-06-2010	#7
frice2000 "My way of thanking you" Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 401	Re: The Succubus' Vows - Part 3 of The Succubus Bride Trilogy 2. I think the hand off would've worked fine if you made the first time change a tad more explicit. The rest fall in line then. I understood what you were doing and it was a great hook but it needed a little more for the initial change is all. Your later perspective change to Zoe went fine. 3. That works. Sex demons who rely on illusion and are massively immortal and get next to no variety in life would likely not be the greatest tactical thinkers ever. Leads me to wonder what a great tactical mind turned into a succubus would be though. I mean Zoe was quite intelligent and quick witted but a even more intelligent tactical mind in that position could be neat. 4. Like I said your typos for the most part were on the level of a lot of quickly produced books i see from professional book companies for the most part so i wouldn't sweat it too badly. For that many passes you did phenomenally. 5. Oh i think that many 'deaths' and not having them resolved was great. I'm just thinking that might not fly for some in the professional world which i think should be your goal and as such was just mentioning it. People lie sappy in the fantasyish genre you are good at writing in. 6. I really thought some input or temptation from the devil works there. Don't have to go about deifying her but some option to chose the 'quick and easy path' after so much difficulties would make her even more deserving of the mantle you bestow her later. I could see the Devil approaching Zachary first and telling him he died a succubus and is thus his for eternity before God jumped in. Still think he needed to be a bit more of a player there then a shadow. Maybe if you didn't want the whole manipulation and temptation thing a line when Zoe is on her way back to Earth rather then just irritation would make the whole thing more interesting. Maybe even the Devil playing a lawful good PC with God playing a neutral or something in passing would be intriguing too. Can see why you went the way you did and it works but I'd think the Devil too would be quite interested in a soul that he too has an obvious in with considering the amount of times Zach/Zoe was almost corrupted recently...and tempted. 9. I'm not a fan of Twilight either but that doesn't mean you can't take monsters and make them protagonists for good. That's not the route you wanted to travel and I respect that. I can see why and you wrote a great narrative. I enjoy stories where the monsters are monsters and do evil things but can still be related to. That as a literary technique goes back to Paradise Lost if not further. You had a very nice dark heroine who became light and that works. I just hope if there's another story with Zoe that the light doesn't remove all of her flaws. Reading about a completely perfect or evil being just isn't that entertaining. The story of a succubus contending with her evil nature but still being good was great...But after everything she went through I can see why the reward was given. Question though you seem to insinuate that angel Zoe can have kids now? Heh...and man that offspring will be quite powerful won't they? Oh and miscellaneous question did you get my email?