[LostHopeOfDusk]

Being a pussycat

Being a pussycat

by LostHopeOfdusk

My name used to be Mark White. That was literally a life ago. Ok, let's move on. I remember that I went to sleep one day, having nightmares and a lot of pain, and when I finally was able to wake up, I did it naked in an immense white room, inside a giant pool of... black goo, my head hurting like someone had used a hammer on it. But the strangest thing was that when I looked at my hands, they weren't there. In fact, it was like I was invisible, only I could not even touch my body with my invisible hands. I touched my face and my hands went through it. Of course, I screamed like crazy for what seemed like hours. Time passed, I felt hungry and thirsty and I kind of wanted to use the bathroom, but that made no sense as I realized I had not a body. The place was well illuminated, despite the fact I could not see lamps or where the light came from. It was like the light came from all the room at once, but was not strong enough to bug me, and, at that time, where the light came from was the least of my worries.

Even more time passed. It was so silent that I counted over ten thousand of my heartbeats. After I got tired of counting, I tried to stop my non-existent heart, and it worked! I then tried the same with my pain, hunger, thirst, and my need to use the facilities, if there were any there. It was not easy but I made it; it took what seemed like weeks. All that time, the weirdness of the situation did not bug me much, while I would have normally freaked out at the idea of my heart stopping, even if it was for only a brief moment.

Then I tried to get out of the goo. I swam around with my non-existent arms and legs until I got tired; not physically tired, mentally tired of doing the same stuff for so long as I was not moving anywhere. I tried to think the goo was not there, but it did not work. I tried to think myself out of the goo, and I slowly, very slowly, moved out of it, until not even my non-existent tiptoes could feel the goo touching them anymore.

"Now what?" I asked myself. Since I was not in the goo anymore, I really did not feel anything. It was scary, but I did not want to go back there, so I started to think. Was I dead? If I was, how come I still existed? "Yeah, I exist, with only thoughts and feelings. Is this the afterlife? Nah, there is no afterlife. I must still be alive and dreaming this." I tried to wake up, but it did not work. I waited to see if I would wake up, as I knew time meant nothing in dreams, but that got boring pretty fast.

"OK, anyone there? I got out the goo. Any more to do? Any clues?" I said out loud. Nothing. I started to laugh. This was kind of funny, but I did not know why. I just thought it was funny compared to what I had heard about the after life. Then I noticed I was still breathing. "Maybe I should stop doing it?" With a heart that no longer beat, it was kind of pointless, so I stopped breathing. I did not feel the need for air, just the urge to breath, but I just ignored it. Compared to suppressing my bodily needs and pain, it was nothing. Still, there was just the bodiless me and the goo, so I tried to think up a door to get out of the room, but nothing happened. I tried creating a window, a cave, a hole; nothing again.

"OK, guys, the joke is over. I know I am dead. What's next?" No response. Maybe this was some kind of light version of hell, being alone for all eternity. Sure it did not seem like a big punishment at first, but if people stuck on deserted islands had gone crazy, what would happen to me if I was alone for all eternity? Still, that sounded more like a version of purgatory than Hell...

No, it could not be forever. If souls existed, it would be easier to recycle them instead of constantly creating new ones. So, I presumed that after some time in hell, limbo or whatever, the souls where designated to new bodies.

"Maybe I don't need to think of an exit, but just about moving someplace else." I thought, trying to think of a place where I would like to be, but I was not in the mood to be home, as I didn't want to see if my dead body was still there. I started to think about the sea, about a lonely beach in summer, with no one there but me. I closed my non-existent eyes and pictured the place, and when I opened them again, I was there.

So, I went to the sea and touched the water. Unlike the goo, I could not feel it. It looked like I needed feet to sense the water, but what feet? If they wanted me to keep my old feet, they would have left me with at least a copy of my old body.

I felt tired... I did not know why. Maybe it was the new place where I was since I had not felt tired in the room with goo. I sat over the sand, spreading my phantom body and decided to try to take a nap. It did not work.

"Looks like I need a corporeal body to sleep." I started to think what body would be best. I pictured my old self: a Caucasian man of thirty-three years, six feet tall with shoulder-length greasy, black hair, black eyes, 176 lbs, already starting to go bald. Did I really want to go back to that?

I could do better. Just then I remembered my cat fetish. I could be a cat and have a lazy life. No worries about work, school, paying taxes, just living in a comfy house with a friendly family that took care of me. No! That did not make sense. Why be a cat on a beach? I did not want to be a dumb animal and maybe I would get stuck like that! Even if I retained my mind, what would be the use? Plus felines did not live as long as humans.

"Too bad all those alternate universes with magic and beast-men do not exist," I thought. Still, I needed a body to sleep, and my old one would have to do. I suddenly started to breathe, my heart beating, lungs and heart hurting for the effort, like they had never had to work before. I looked myself all over and found I was back in my human body, only naked. I could not help but to despise it. I still kind of liked my deep black eyes, but that was about the only thing I liked about it.

I did not care, it was good to feel again, even if it hurt. I lay lazily on the beach and closed my eyes. For the moment, that was as good as paradise to me... Sadly, it would not last.