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DragonMasterX · 07-29-2012

Ah yes, you guys raise valid points. I keep getting that problem with rushed sentences, will need to keep an eye out for those. Stoopid commas and periods not getting along! >_<

Ohh, yeah, action and comedy were my focus here. I considered the intro and market thing to be the intro plot that kinda dragged on and on as I wrote it, but when it was done I sort of decided I'd go for a lighter adventure instead in order to inject more entertainment to the story! You know, to complement the gaps the serious faces create.

I was given the tip to chop the story up in chapters to make it easier to digest to every reader. My response was that I can't for the life of me write and post chapters because I quickly lose interest and then I feel bad because I leave something unfinished... I guess what I could do in the future when a story becomes 31 page long is that, when I'm done with it, chop it up at certain key points that can be considered "end chapter", give it a thorough review for mistakes like the ones you people mention, and then post them one by one.

I 'unno, guess some people want to read shorter short stories, but I'm happy on principle alone that you two read it all!

Hmm, I sadly have never watched a Predator fight. In my case I decided to have Charlie take Jacks out silently and was about to do the same to Maxwells but due to her lack of experience she was surprised by the paranoid Zeng. I didn't wanna make her completely badass from the get go- kinda like how Spider-Man, with all his abilities, skills and so on will at some points get cocky and hurt because of overconfidence, or just outright gotten into a sticky situation. Heh, I said sticky!

The transformation scene went down in accord to all the technobabble I whipped up, if by light-hearted you meant how she squeezed her boobs and kept making fun out of the situation... Well, at the time I was thinking that, if I was a girl, and in her situation, I'd be so psychologically mindfucked that I'd either go crazy or start telling cheap practical jokes to myself and in response to others in order to stay sane, lol.

I dunno, guess we differ there! Charlie had to take a hard curve at the moment of the transformation; I just decided to allow her to go on as a comical fighter instead of going savage like a true monster. I'm... weak towards comical fighters. XD

Like you couldn't tell, with all my silly references to Spidey!

07-29-2012	#4
DragonMasterX Frequent Poster Join Date: May 2009 Location: Mar del Plata, Buenos Aires, Argentina Posts: 219	Re: Amazing Fiction #i (Scorpion T/F) Ah yes, you guys raise valid points. I keep getting that problem with rushed sentences, will need to keep an eye out for those. Stoopid commas and periods not getting along! >_< Ohh, yeah, action and comedy were my focus here. I considered the intro and market thing to be the intro plot that kinda dragged on and on as I wrote it, but when it was done I sort of decided I'd go for a lighter adventure instead in order to inject more entertainment to the story! You know, to complement the gaps the serious faces create. I was given the tip to chop the story up in chapters to make it easier to digest to every reader. My response was that I can't for the life of me write and post chapters because I quickly lose interest and then I feel bad because I leave something unfinished... I guess what I could do in the future when a story becomes 31 page long is that, when I'm done with it, chop it up at certain key points that can be considered "end chapter", give it a thorough review for mistakes like the ones you people mention, and then post them one by one. I 'unno, guess some people want to read shorter short stories, but I'm happy on principle alone that you two read it all! Hmm, I sadly have never watched a Predator fight. In my case I decided to have Charlie take Jacks out silently and was about to do the same to Maxwells but due to her lack of experience she was surprised by the paranoid Zeng. I didn't wanna make her completely badass from the get go- kinda like how Spider-Man, with all his abilities, skills and so on will at some points get cocky and hurt because of overconfidence, or just outright gotten into a sticky situation. Heh, I said sticky! The transformation scene went down in accord to all the technobabble I whipped up, if by light-hearted you meant how she squeezed her boobs and kept making fun out of the situation... Well, at the time I was thinking that, if I was a girl, and in her situation, I'd be so psychologically mindfucked that I'd either go crazy or start telling cheap practical jokes to myself and in response to others in order to stay sane, lol. I dunno, guess we differ there! Charlie had to take a hard curve at the moment of the transformation; I just decided to allow her to go on as a comical fighter instead of going savage like a true monster. I'm... weak towards comical fighters. XD Like you couldn't tell, with all my silly references to Spidey!