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BioYuGi · 11-26-2012

Well, I said I was going to comment on this story since it was my favorite, so I figured I'd start from the beginning. So, this refers to Chapter 1, or the first two story posts here. And I'm trying to review solely chapter by chapter, and as if there aren't any pictures (awesome though they are), so I can try and critique the writing more fairly.

Now, first off I have to say they were characterized very well. Obviously, since they are personifications of sins, they have a pretty well-established sense of personality. However, they didn't feel flat, (especially Lust (sorry, I'm terrible)), they all felt like they could just be human characters with their motivations set to an intense, although not entirely unrealistic level. I also liked how you gave their descriptions bits and pieces at a time, mentioning details here and there, instead of writing full long descriptions for them each time a character showed up. If the chapter introduced just one or two characters I think that method would be fine, but since so many were introduced, your way was the way to go. Although Lust I think got a bit shafted in her description this chapter, as far as her more unique details.

You also did a fair job building the place in which they live. Not just the small details like the sofa and the collection of viewing tools in Envy's room, but with the way you described where rooms where, how there was a railing on the second floor, etc, it all seemed to fit together well. And, here's something I really liked. As soon as we see/hear of Pride, we know she's the leader. All because Wrath, who up to this point had been boisterous and aggressive, was actively trying to be polite and reasonable. That spoke volumes about the respect/fear she had for her.

Then we get to what they do, which I would have liked to hear more of. At least as far as how often they do it (Wrath says they do it all the time, but considering their immortal nature, once a year could be considered common for her), or what value tempted souls hold to them. But, still, it's a very interesting hook, and that makes me want to read more, which is excellent.

11-26-2012	#227
BioYuGi Process Fan Join Date: Oct 2012 Posts: 36	Re: Curvaceous Cardinal Vices Well, I said I was going to comment on this story since it was my favorite, so I figured I'd start from the beginning. So, this refers to Chapter 1, or the first two story posts here. And I'm trying to review solely chapter by chapter, and as if there aren't any pictures (awesome though they are), so I can try and critique the writing more fairly. Now, first off I have to say they were characterized very well. Obviously, since they are personifications of sins, they have a pretty well-established sense of personality. However, they didn't feel flat, (especially Lust (sorry, I'm terrible)), they all felt like they could just be human characters with their motivations set to an intense, although not entirely unrealistic level. I also liked how you gave their descriptions bits and pieces at a time, mentioning details here and there, instead of writing full long descriptions for them each time a character showed up. If the chapter introduced just one or two characters I think that method would be fine, but since so many were introduced, your way was the way to go. Although Lust I think got a bit shafted in her description this chapter, as far as her more unique details. You also did a fair job building the place in which they live. Not just the small details like the sofa and the collection of viewing tools in Envy's room, but with the way you described where rooms where, how there was a railing on the second floor, etc, it all seemed to fit together well. And, here's something I really liked. As soon as we see/hear of Pride, we know she's the leader. All because Wrath, who up to this point had been boisterous and aggressive, was actively trying to be polite and reasonable. That spoke volumes about the respect/fear she had for her. Then we get to what they do, which I would have liked to hear more of. At least as far as how often they do it (Wrath says they do it all the time, but considering their immortal nature, once a year could be considered common for her), or what value tempted souls hold to them. But, still, it's a very interesting hook, and that makes me want to read more, which is excellent.