[Wussy]

Originally Posted by Keile

Please don't be TOO harsh in critique...this is my first time doing a story like this XD

OK

Originally Posted by Keile

Prologue: Meet Kaila

Kaila is what one would call an ordinary college student.

Physically, Kaila is what one would consider to be gorgeous.

Repetitive phrasing, consider revising.

Kaila and Chris grew up together and have been best friends for as long as either can recall. Their parents had been close friends before they were born, so it was only natural that the two of them would have ended up close as well. From outward appearances it would appear that Chris and Kaila were dating, this would be false. Normally this would be depressing to a man: to be close to such an absolute beautiful woman yet not be able to be intimate, however this situation was different. Kaila was an outspoken lesbian. Though this fact did not stop her from being Chris? first sexual encounter back in High School: as a ?thank you? to him for being such a good friend she had offered to be his first. This also served to help her realize herself as at this time she suspected (but was not totally certain) that she was a lesbian, but she couldn?t confirm it without actually being intimate with a man to see how she felt afterwards. For most people this would make a friendship awkward, however the two of them now look back at this and laugh about it. Though secretly one wished they could do it again?.

You mean the straight guy would like to fuck the super-hot girl? I can't imagine that's a secret to either of them.

Also, convincing yourself that you're a lesbian by having teenage sex (awkward) with a virgin (awkward) who's also your best friend (super awkward)? I'm betting that the sex would've been awful even if she thought she was straight.

Chris relaxed back in his chair, a look of concern on his face. ?Yes but I find it odd that your class is taking a trip to China of all places. I mean isn?t that a bit scary to you??

I'm guessing that he's just trying to get her not to go, but of all the things I'd call China, 'scary' isn't one of them. Neither of them elaborate on what is so terrifying about China either, so I'm really confused about this part.

You usually don't relax and get concerned at the same time. When you're concerned, you usually lean in and get more animated as you express your worry, not lean back and casually discuss possibly mortal danger.

As she lead the way up to her apartment, she couldn?t help but notice Chris staring at her as she made her way up the stairs. She laughed and gave him a wiggle of her ass, she knew he looked but she couldn?t blame him. She was a beautiful woman and he was, after all, a man. She just wished she could feel for him as he did for her?

If she's sure of her lesbianism, why does she want to fall in love with him? If anything, she should be wishing he was a girl so she'd be able to reciprocate the obvious affection and desire he feels towards her.

Now, this is just chapter one, and you did say that there's a lot of character development ahead, so I'll better understand where this is going as the chapters come up.

You said to go easy, so I apologize if this seems overly harsh. These are just my opinions and observations, so feel free to correct me if I'm wrong or off-base on anything.

Overall, I give this chapter a solid C. There's some good setup here (sexual tension between best friends, a trip to an exotic foreign land) but otherwise there's not a lot happening that I can comment on. As the story picks up and we get to know the characters better I'm sure there will be lots more interesting things to discuss!