[Twilight Wolf]

I'm sorry that I don't really have the time to help you out, but I'd like to tell you how much I enjoyed reading what you have so far, and I hope you'll continue soon.

Your style is already rather good, and I like the idea behind the story, and the way things appear to be developing.

Sadly, these boards are not neccessarily known for their support towards writers (no offence to anyone intended), so don't let a lack of response here make you feel like you're not good enough!

Edit: Maybe one piece of advice about something I noticed: In some scenes you tend to use pronouns (she/her) too often and names too seldom, and it get's a bit confusing as to who is doing what.