[Sphore]

I could do that, though it would be a good chunk of rewriting. Some days my writing muse is just there, and I can write for hours without stop, and other days my story-writing urge just falls flat. Because of that, reworking a story can be sort of tough, but if I can find something compelling to work on, I think I could do it.

There are a few things I could do with this. One is focusing on Marley's perspective- throughout the second half of the story, she's the only person who manages to put up a fight against her change, which is interesting to me. I'm not fond of personality death (although what happens here skirts that line as well- while personalities might be being replaced in one place, they're being simultaneously reformed elsewhere) but fighting against it presents drama, and a meaningful conflict. Alternatively, I could simply write a version of this story with the sex scene completely removed... that's the straightforward solution that you suggest, although I'm troubled by the idea that the story is now coloured by that scene, even if it is later removed. It's hard to wash that away entirely, and makes me think that it might be best to simply take the story down and work on something new which avoids the aforementioned pitfalls. I've certainly got no shortage of half-written stories sitting on my hard drive.