Bill - firstly thanks for taking the time to read through and give your feedback, I hadn't expected such an informed response but it is appreciated.
The points you've made are very valid and and good advice for future stories. As a writing novice I had an instinct that words were at a premium in the opening and it's good to know that I was on the right track and could have even been more active in my cutting back.
In terms of the weak BE element I did feel this may be the case but stuck with its positioning for two reasons. The first being that I felt it would be disingenuous to the story if it happened at an earlier course due to the nature of the character / method of inflation but knew it may seem like I was putting the bimbo horse before the BE cart.
The second was simply that I had faith that I could produce a decent BE story but wanted to test my mettle on a bimbo twist. The story (I hoped) would eventually be accompanied by more traditional variants so being bimbo centric wouldn't be such an issue.
But anyway, thanks for the feedback - I'm glad you felt it was worth it to go through rather than just "write it off" so to speak
