Okay! This concludes my homage to 2 Broke Girls (And One Broken Diner). I can't promise that I'll update this story weekly like I was, but I can promise to post a new bit at least once a month from here on out. Sound good?
* * * * *
“Fantastic! And here I thought I was gonna be the only giant, naked freakshow in town!” Max replied. “Quick, get bigger than me so everyone will stare at you and I can slip by unnoticed.”
“How can you be making jokes at a time like this?” Caroline snapped.
“I don't know, maybe it's a defense mechanism!” Max said. “I'm freaking out here!”
Oleg's voice suddenly called out to them. “Maybe you two should make out! It relieves stress!”
Max's head whipped to the side suddenly, glaring at the Russian cook where he stood behind the diner's counter. Han stood beside him, a look of stunned speechlessness on his face.
Max narrowed her eyes, glaring daggers at Oleg. “The phrase 'now is not a good time' doesn't even begin to cover it, you perv.”
The Russian looked wounded. “What? Two hot Amazons are getting naked right in front of me. When could possibly be a better time?”
Max started to retort, but Caroline whirled around furiously and stomped up to the counter, leaning intimidatingly over it and pointing one huge finger directly into Oleg's face. “If you don't shut up right now, you little creep, I'll crush you like a tin can! And then I'll sue whatever pieces of you are left!” she bellowed.
This seemed to take the wind out of his sails. Oleg's face went slack and he tried to say something back, but he only managed to stammer a few random syllables.
“I'm impressed,” Max said, grinning at the cook's expression. “I've never been able to shut him up that effectively. Not even that one time I flashed him.”
Han looked up at the towering Max nervously. “Uh...maybe you girls should get outside? You're getting a little too big to stay in here.”
“Oh, come on, Han. Everyone looks too big compared to—ouch!” Max said as her head bumped painfully against the ceiling. “Okay, maybe you have a point. Come on, Caroline, let's take our sexy asses on the road.” She started to walk toward the exit at the far side of the diner, ducking her head to avoid hitting the ceiling.
“Right behind you,” Caroline said, moving to follow her. “I was upset enough about being stuck in this town—I wouldn't want to get stuck in this building.”
The closer Max got to the exit, the more confining the diner felt. She went from ducking her head to leaning forward, and when she felt her back brushing against the ceiling, she dropped to all fours and crawled.
“Oh shit! I think we're growing faster!” Caroline said from behind her.
“Tell me something I don't know!” Max replied. She was at the double doors now and pushed them open, ducking her head through the opening. “Ah...fresh air!” she said as she cleared the exit. However, she quickly ran into a problem just after she squeezed her shoulders through.
“What's going on? Why did you stop?” Caroline asked.
“Um...I'm stuck.”
“What? Stuck? How?” Caroline's voice held a note of panic.
“My tits got too damn big and I can't fit them through the door!” Max replied. She pushed her giant hands against the side of the building and tried to wriggle free, but she just couldn't get her mega-mammaries to pass through the opening. Her impossible growth still hadn't stopped, so every second she was stuck it got more difficult to free herself. The metal of the doorway creaked ominously as she strained against it and the walls started to crack, but she was still stuck fast. “Ugh! You know, I'm used to having my boobs get me OUT of trouble!” she wailed.
“Uh...Max?” Caroline said, the panic in her tone much more pronounced now. “We're still growing...”
Even though Max had stopped pushing against the door, it was still cracking and warping as her expanding body pressed outwards against it. “Okay, and what do you expect me to do about it? I mean, other than call around to some movie studios and see if anyone wants to make 'Attack of the 50 Foot Waitress,' that is.” Though she was on all fours, Max could feel the ceiling of the diner pressing against her ass. Her thighs were wedged against the counter on one side of her body and the window booths on the other. “Shit! We're running out of space!” This proved to be a more accurate statement than she'd thought when, a moment later, she felt warm flesh pressing firmly against her own—she was being squashed against Caroline. “Move back!”
“I can't!” Caroline cried. “I'm already up against the wall!”
“Oh God, this is gonna suck...” Max moaned. The walls of the diner—and Caroline's body—pressed in closer and closer, until Max thought she might suffocate. The diner's structure groaned ominously. Beyond that, Max heard another sound—a bell clanging at an annoyingly loud volume. “What the hell? Is that the fire alarm? I know I'm hot, but come on.”
“Those two guys ran into the back,” Caroline replied. “I'm guessing they ducked out of the emergency exit.” She cried out in pain. “What are we gonna do, Max? It's so cramped in here I can barely breathe!”
“I've got an idea!” Max replied. “Brace yourself against the floor, and on the count of three, start pushing up and out!” She positioned herself as best she could to press against the ground beneath her. “Ready? One...two...three!”
Max shoved as hard as she could, hoping Caroline was doing the same. The doorframe and the ceiling dug painfully into her back, but the sounds of the structure failing grew louder around her. Finally, with a shriek of tortured metal, the roof of the diner tore away from the front wall, its steel frame bending upward and outward as the giantesses' enormous bodies overcame the building. Max wriggled her way free from the ruined building and stood up, taking in a deep breath (which lifted her titanic tits in a stunning display). “Ahh. Much better.”
“You're telling me,” Caroline said. Max turned to face her and saw the blonde stretching, her giant nude frame sporting some impressive curves as well. “God, I thought we were gonna be crushed by that building,” she said, gesturing at the diner, which now resembled an opened tin of sardines.
Far below them, Han and Oleg walked around from the back of the building. Glancing down at her tiny coworkers, Max estimated she was probably around forty feet tall, and her growth seemed to have finally stopped.
“Oh my God, my diner is destroyed!” Han wailed, seeing the devastation.
“Oh, what are you worried about, Han? I'm sure we'll get the same rating from the board of health as before,” Max replied. “And Oleg, I swear to God if you take any pictures or make any remarks, I'll crush you to death with my boobs.”
“But what a way to go!” Oleg replied from somewhere near her feet. She couldn't see down past her breasts, but she'd be utterly amazed if he
wasn't staring up at her.
“Wow, emergency services responds fast around here, huh?” Caroline said. “Wait, those aren't fire trucks. Who the hell are they?”
Max turned to look down the road towards town. A few military vehicles, a flatbed, and two large black trucks. “I don't know. Looks like the army.” She grinned. “Heh. Maybe they want to arrest us for public indecency and thought a squad car wouldn't be enough. Or maybe it's immigration. Are your papers in order, Oleg?”