free hit counters
The Process Forum - View Single Post - Need criticism
Thread: Need criticism
View Single Post
Unread 08-05-2015   #2
Amahain
Process Master
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 732
Re: Need criticism

It's getting late, so I can't really offer detailed critique at this time.

Overall, I like it. A good original fairy tale. Good pacing and written in a story-teller's style. There were one or two sentences that were phrased a little awkwardly for me (eg. "And while the man was so poor he barely could scrape together enough food to feed himself"; "could barely" rather than "barely could" sounds a bit better to my ear). I'm also not a huge fan of "once upon a time" as an opening, even if it is a fairy tale, but that's just a subjective stylistic choice.

(Tangential, but here's an interesting read that came to mind:

http://airshipdaily.com/blog/06242014-origin-of-cliches )

On another note, I've enjoyed several of the illustrated tales on Arania's site, so nice work!
__________________
Shameless self-promotion: http://www.furaffinity.net/user/amahain/

Last edited by Amahain; 08-06-2015 at 07:49 PM.
Amahain is offline   Reply With Quote