If you're looking for constructive criticism:
The good
The TF, at least when it comes to the feet, is very detailed. I think the one thing about TF stories is that readers generally appreciate detailed descriptions of the process.
Grammar
"Lie" and "lay" should not be confused. One
lies down. One
lays the plate on the table. But here's the tricky thing, "lay" is also the past tense of "lie" while "laid" is the past tense of "lay". So, "lay" has two meanings depending on the tense.
So, "the summer sun had yet to set as she laid down in her bed" should be "the summer sun had yet to set as she
lay down in her bed" and "Hannah awoke laying on her mattress" should be "Hannah awoke
lying on her mattress"
Style
You're treading close to purple prose territory. Here's some recommended reading:
http://www.writersdigest.com/writing...unders-excerpt