[joyce]

Chapter 9: Lunch with Dave

‘So we’re dating,’ Jeff thought the next day as he stared at the ceiling in his bedroom of his parents’ house. Surely they were. He had wandered the streets the previous night, almost unconscious of where he was, and had somehow managed to make it back to his parents’ house to collapse on his bed and fall into an uneasy sleep. He had awoken late in the morning and immediately, without even thinking, he had grabbed his cock and begun to pump it, not letting up until he had cum all over his chest. He had laid there breathless for a few minutes, his mind on nothing but the events of the previous night, on Sarah’s scent, the huge presence of her body, the jingling bracelets on her wrists, her full white arms, her thighs next to his, her immense face next to his own, and what her tongue had done to the inside his mouth. Before he knew it he was at it again, jerking and wringing and wrenching his cock with a fast and feverish desperation that was previously unknown to him. Within minutes he had spewed his load again, and this time he felt the hot sticky cum spatter his neck.

He laid there gasping from exertion, unable to do anything but stare at the ceiling and think, think, think about last night. After what was actually only a few minutes, but what to Jeff seemed an eternity of turning this detail and that detail over and over in his mind, he had decided that yes, clearly Sarah had a thing for him, and that yes, their make-out session had shown that she wanted to take this relationship with him to the next level. As Jeff laid there in bed, contemplating this apparently new relationship, excitement grew in his chest. He blinked a few times at the ceiling, and a grin began to creep across his face. Sarah Helleger…and him. As a couple. An item. Him and her…the more he thought about it, the bigger his grin became.

‘Finally,’ he thought smugly to himself, ‘I get the bombshell I deserve.’ And was she ever — she as the hottest person he had ever seen. ‘And of course,’ he continued to himself, ‘she makes out with me.’ His mind skipped back to all the women who had laughed at him when he had tried to pick them up at bars, to all the girls at concerts who had tuned him down, even to Cassie’s arrogant expression as she had stepped over him on her way out the door.

‘Women,’ he thought to himself, and then he said “Women” out loud in a bitter, jeering tone.

‘All those bitches who turned me down, who thought they were better than me,’ he thought, with increasing energy and mirth, ‘they were all too old. Too proud. Too many years of feeling like they’re worth more than they really are.’ But not Sarah Helleger. She was young and gentle, and so full of life. Smart (smarter than me! he thought with a condescending laugh), funny, and drop-dead gorgeous, with huge tits and one helluva piece of ass. But most importantly, she saw him for who he was: a good guy who had big plans, a nice guy who just wanted a nice gal to understand him and give him what he needed. He thought forward to a time when they could get married, to when he would come home from work every day (“home” in Jeff’s fantasy was Sarah’s house) and she would be there on the sofa, a glass of wine in her hand, eagerly waiting to give him a “welcome home” hug and kiss as a pot of pasta and meatballs bubbled quietly on the stove, infusing the house with delicious aromas of tomato, basil, and garlic.

Jeff sighed in pleasure as he took his eyes from the ceiling, moving his bedsheets so that he could get out of bed to use the restroom. His eyes moved down to his body and his fantasy broke apart into a thousand pieces. He was still dressed in his clothes from the previous night, and the first thing he noticed was the dark, ugly stain on the crotch of his jeans. It looked like the evidence at some crime scene, like something bad that had happened. The second thing he noticed was that his arms looked positively shriveled; he could not remember them ever looking that small, that bony, that…childlike. He moved them up and down in front of his vision, unable to understand how this could be. His mind immediately went to Sarah’s body, and her plump, full, sturdy arms — Jeff could only imagine what they looked like compared to his. Wait, he could imagine! Her arms had been next to his last night, right in front of his face. He thought of her spooning his pasta, and twisting it before him, and his dick rose yet again to attention.

He shook off these thoughts as he made his way to the bathroom. After peeing he took off all his clothes and stood in front of the mirror, unable to comprehend what he saw. He was a shrimp. His shoulders were bony knobs that connected his thin, frail arms to the rest of his body, a body that to Jeff seemed unrecognizable. All of his ribs were clearly visible; his ribcage stuck out of his abdomen like some weird sculpture. His hips seemed to poke painfully out through his skin, and his legs, like his arms, were like withered stalks. It seemed incredible that he could stand up at all. Even his face looked emaciated — the bones of his jaw and eye sockets seemed to protrude almost unnaturally. Only his penis, standing at full attention and only getting harder the more he looked at himself, seemed to have any flesh, any muscle.

What was happening? Jeff had no idea, but what he did know was that all this muscle loss, this…whatever was going on, was a recent development. Sure, he wasn’t the biggest guy in the world, and sure, he also wasn’t the tallest, but there was no way that he had always been like…like this. As he looked at himself, complete with his massive erection, Jeff unconsciously, uncontrollably, thought of Sarah’s body, and how she was, quite unmistakably, his opposite. She was tall, very tall. And her body was big, meaty, firm, heavy, and yet soft, curvy, feminine, strong. His hand once again went to his cock and Jeff jerked himself off for a third time that morning, right at the mirror, imagining Sarah’s body behind his, with her smirking as she flicked her tongue teasingly at their reflection in the mirror. After collapsing in exhaustion, Jeff crawled to the shower and turned it on, letting it run over his bony body. Eventually he fell asleep again under the hot water.

The rest of the day, Jeff did nothing but lay and sit on his bed, parsing through what had happened last night, his fantasies for the future, and occasionally masturbating whenever the memory of Sarah’s body and presence became too close. He repeated, over and over, unconsciously at first, the same mental cycle he had completed that morning, going between smug self-congratulation and utter confusion and repulsion of his own body, between excitement for the future to complete bewilderment as to what had actually happened. As he thought and thought, Jeff gradually realized that whatever had happened, whatever the future held, and whatever his body happened to look like right now, one thing was certain: Sarah had kissed him, which meant that she thought he was attractive, which meant that, for all intents and purposes, they were dating, since he thought she was attractive too. ‘One plus one equals two,’ he said matter-of-factly in his head by the late afternoon.

As to Sarah’s generally odd behavior, including her weird little flirty phrases (“little thing” for instance), and the fact that she didn’t let him stay the night, Jeff became more and more inclined to chalk it up to her cute little personality. ‘She’s a funny young girl,’ Jeff thought as he smiled to himself, the afternoon turning into evening. ‘She’s definitely a one-of-a-kind. She’s not afraid to be herself, and sometimes that means being different.’ The more he thought this way, the easier it was for Jeff to think fondly and lovingly of Sarah as an actual romantic partner. He even imagined himself explaining her little quirks to his male friends, as they gathered around him, eagerly asking questions, which he answered cooly with punctuating chuckles.

As for him not staying over, well, that was just her playing hard to get. ‘And would I really expect anything less?’ Jeff asked himself as the evening wore on. ‘She’s a girl who knows what she’s worth, and I’m gonna have to work to really get her.’ He blinked after this thought, and realized that it was already past eleven at night. He looked at his phone. No texts. She hadn’t even texted him anything. Jeff’s heart beat fast for a moment in panic, and he wondered if he had done something wrong, or if the previous night had all been a joke.

‘But of course she hasn’t texted me,” he quickly realized. ‘She’s a girl. She’s playing hard to get. She’s expecting me to text her, to make the next move.’ He smiled to himself as he selected her from his contact list and began thinking what to say. For the next two hours, Jeff crafted and re-crafted a text to Sarah, which he ended up sending at around two in the morning. It said:

“hey there girl. last night was epic. I didn’t know a girl could look so sweet and be so dirty at the same time. Count me surprised. haha even I can get surprised sometimes. but seriously, let’s do it more often. We can go even farther next time haha, first base second base, you know what i mean. What a lucky man I am. You can be the stars to my moon.

love yer boy, Jeff xoxxoxoxox”

‘That should get the ball rolling,’ Jeff thought happily, and he drifted off to sleep. But it didn’t get the ball rolling. The next day came and went, and then the next day, and then the next day, and Sarah had not responded. Jeff went back and read over his original message dozens, and then hundreds of times, and he could not for the life of him see any mistake he had made. All the words were spelled right, except the ones he deliberately misspelled. The punctuation and capitalization were all correct, except in the places where they strategically weren’t. There was nothing wrong with the message…so why no reply?

Jeff began to worry. Clearly there was something he was not understanding in this exchange. Did she actually not like him? No, this couldn’t be the case — she kissed him, for god’s sake! And she said that she wanted to see him again! Was he totally out of his mind? Had all that stuff actually happened? Had he cum too quickly? What was she thinking about him? Jeff didn’t know the answers to any of these questions, but unlike in times past, when uncertainty led to depression and passivity, this time it led back, over and over, to these certainties: they had actually kissed and Sarah did enjoy it and she did say that she wanted to see him again. Jeff had all that going for him, and therefore, as the days went by with no reply from Sarah, he was able to go about his life without too much trouble. After all, she was a busy scientist who probably rarely checked her phone.

To fill his time, Jeff had started reading his book on conspiracy theories again. He even did what he had planned to do for a long time and organized a meeting of two or three other friends, to talk about how they were going to solve the world’s problems by breaking the system that currently existed. Jeff was happy with how the meeting went, particularly since over half of it consisted of the other guys listening intently and excitedly as Jeff calmly described how hot Sarah was, and how she kissed, and how much she liked him.

Oh, but she’s in the medical field,” one of his friends had cautioned. “You gotta be careful, because she’s probably been brainwashed by the establishment. You probably don’t want her to know we’re meeting like this.”

Jeff had dismissed this statement with a lazy wave of his hand. “True, true,” he had laughed nonchalantly, “But I’m not worried about Sarah. She’ll see the truth before too long — she’s super smart.”

Jeff had also been more social ever since he had decided that he and Sarah were dating: he even got in touch with his former roommate Dave to have lunch one day. Apparently Dave was really enjoying his new roommates Most of the time was spent with Jeff talking to Dave about him and Sarah, and about his plans for the future. Dave had sat there quietly, listening as he ate his sandwich. Only after Jeff had stopped talking long enough to take a bite of his own sandwich did Dave speak up.

“So…like, you’re actually sure that you’re dating, Jeff?”

Jeff looked up from his food, a bite of sandwich in his mouth, and smiled as he opened his eyes widely as he looked over to one side, as if Dave had asked a question with an absurdly obvious answer.

“Um…yeah Dave. She kissed me and said she wanted it again?” Jeff laughed and took another bite of his sandwich.

Dave was thoughtful. “Yeah, Jeff. I mean, she’s definitely interested in…something about you, that’s for sure. But when was the last time you two spoke?”

“I don’t know, like two weeks ago?” Dave clearly didn’t understand how their relationship worked, and Jeff was beginning to get irritated. Didn’t he know that not everyone had a normal, boring, vanilla relationship?

Dave didn’t reply straight away, but simply lifted up his eyebrows at Jeff slowly as he breathed in through his nose. Jeff took this reaction as a sign that Dave thought he was full of crap, and that he wasn’t dating Sarah at all. He responded angrily.

“What, Dave? You think I’m full of it? You think that just because our relationship isn’t boring and normal like everyone else’s, it isn’t real? You think —”

“—Jeff,” interrupted Dave quietly, holding up one of his large hands (he was a big man), “Jeff, c’mon man. You’re acting like I’m out to get you or something.” Jeff stopped his outburst and took a couple of deep breaths as his look softened at Dave. After seeing that Jeff was calmer, Dave continued. “Now if you’re so sure that you two are dating, then great — I won’t argue with you.” He paused, looking down at Jeff from his seat, clearly being careful about what he said next. “I believe you. It’s just that…well, Jeff…I mean, I’m not trying to burst your bubble here, and I can tell you’re really excited, but…you know, just because you two kissed and she said she wanted to see you again doesn’t always translate to…um, dating.”

Jeff looked at the sky and sighed. Ok, obviously Dave was just trying to look out for him here. This was just a simple, benign case of Dave not understanding what was going on. He took his eyes from the sky to focus again on Dave, and he was momentarily unsettled to see Dave looking at him stonily, with something like irritation or…something else foreign in his expression. Jeff felt anger broil once again inside of him, but he would take the high road this time. Dave just needed to understand what was up.

“Dave,” began Jeff, in what he meant to be a soft tone, but that actually came out as blatant condescension, “It’s the twenty first century. “Dating” doesn’t mean the same thing it always used to mean. You have this idea that there has to be this…this…uh, elaborate…uh…what’s the word I’m looking for…”

“Courtship?” offered Dave.

“…yeah! Courtship…uh, process that is like, um, the 1950’s or something. It’s a new time, Dave. The old rules aren’t the same anymore. There aren’t any rules. It’s all up to us to rewrite the rulebook. We’re the canaries in the coal mine, Dave. We’re the —”

“Ok, ok, Jeff,” Dave interrupted again with his hand. This time he was smiling. “I get it, Jeff.” He put his hands behind his head and leaned back in his chair, his lunch eaten. From his stretched, relaxed position he looked down at Jeff with a curious expression on his face: a smile and a little twinkle in his eye. Jeff had forgotten how big Dave really was; this position just made him look bigger. “And Jeff, I really couldn’t agree with you more. Times have changed, and we’re rewriting the old rules.”

“Damn right,” said Jeff. And he sat there dumbly. Well, apparently he and Dave were on the same page now. He didn’t know what else to say.

“Why don’t you eat that lunch you got there,” said Dave kindly, gesturing to Jeff’s almost-uneaten sandwich. Jeff obliged as Dave looked around at nothing in particular. As he ate his sandwich, Jeff thought happily about how awesome it was to have a friend as chill as Dave. They were so comfortable with each other — they could argue and be irritated with each other and it didn’t matter. One of them could just chow down on a sandwich while the other just looked casually around, and it didn’t matter. No small talk, no filler. This was what real friendship looked like.

“You know,” said Dave offhandedly as he looked out at the street, “I actually saw Sarah the other day.”

Jeff choked on his sandwich as his eyes snapped up to Dave, who was still studying the traffic outside. After correcting his paralyzed throat and either swallowing or spitting out what he had in his mouth, Jeff managed a word: “What?!?!”

“Yeah, Jeff,” said Dave quietly. With a calm expression on his face, he turned to look at his apoplectic friend. “We actually hung out like two days ago.”

“But…bbut…but,” sputtered Jeff, his mind beginning to crack.

“Dude,” said Dave as he smiled down at Jeff, “chill out. It doesn’t mean anything. It was great to see her! Hadn’t seen her in over ten years, just like you.”

“But…but she’s dating —”

“Jeff,” said Dave with a little more weight behind his voice this time. “I didn’t go on a date with her.” Jeff didn’t seem to be hearing these words, and Dave noticed that Jeff was beginning to hyperventilate, his face getting redder by the second. “Jeff,” Dave repeated, and he reached over and grabbed his friend’s hands in his own and held them. “Jeff, you’re scaring me, man, chill out.” Jeff looked at Dave and saw his kind expression, and felt his own hands swallowed by the mammoth hands of his friend, and began to calm down.

“But…how did you get her number?”

“I didn’t,” said Dave with a smile, releasing Jeff as he leaned back, “She hit me up.”

This was all getting too much for Jeff. “She?? You??? But how did she get your number??”

Dave shrugged. “I assumed you gave it to her.”

“No, I didn’t,” said Jeff, starting to get red again. “I didn’t!”

“Well, I have no idea how she got it then,” laughed Dave, “But anyway, like I said, it was cool to see her. Not to make you feel weird, Jeff, but man, you weren’t wrong about her growing up!”

Jeff just sat there, unable to do anything else, his mouth half-open in disbelief. Dave saw his friend’s expression, but he continued on. If Jeff was really as open and progressive as he said he was, then he would be able to take this.

“I mean…yeah, again, of course, I’m not competing with you, Jeff, that goes without saying, haha, but I just have to say, holy fuck, Sarah Helleger grew into an absolute goddess. Am I right?”

Jeff’s mouth was dry and couldn’t move. Dave nudged him playfully, repeating “Am I right?” I mean you kissed her, right? You know what I’m talkin about!” until he had elicited a smile from his friend. “Yeah,” he continued, “she just hit me up out of the blue and invited me over to her place for dinner, and not to get all 1950’s, like you were talking about, but boy can she cook too!”

Jeff felt like he was riding a roller coaster. “She invited you over to her place?” he asked, “And you two had dinner together?”

Dave assumed Jeff’s serious tone, and said mockingly, “Yes. She invited me over to her place. And we had dinner together. And we’ve drawn up the marriage arrangements, and the big day’s a week from tomorrow. We’re honeymooning in Aruba. A child is on the way.”

He laughed, and Jeff halfheartedly joined in with him. He still needed some answers, though: “Did…did you two have spaghetti and meatballs?”

“No, Jeff!” laughed Dave, “We had chicken and rice and…uh, and salad. What, did you two have spaghetti and meatballs?”

Jeff didn’t answer, but he was inwardly breathing a huge sigh of relief. So she wasn’t just treating him and Dave the same. Maybe this meal with Dave was just a “friend” thing.

“Jeff,” said Dave, seeing his friend’s continued distress, “for the last time, calm down. You know, you have to get used to Sarah hanging out with other people, even if they’re guys, and even if they’re guys who are friends of yours. Remember, it’s the twenty first century, right?”

There was silence for a moment, until Jeff mumbled, “Right.” Something still wasn’t right, though. “Did you all have wine?” he asked suddenly.

Dave sighed, taking his turn to look up at the sky. “No Jeff. We each had a beer…well, I had two, but that’s me, haha. We had to use these little coasters because she didn’t want her dining room table to get messed up, haha. I have to say, the last time I used coasters while I was drinking a beer was —”

“You ate in the dining room??” burst out Jeff.

“I’m sorry, my bad,” backtracked Dave. “We ate in the crawlspace. The crickets on the walls serenaded us with tunes of love and passion until we couldn’t take it anymore and did it right then and there next to the water heater. Jesus Jeff, yes, we ate dinner in the dining room.”

Jeff couldn’t think anymore. All of this was way too much to process. Clearly Dave, as he sat there laughing, didn’t appreciate what was going on in his head. He finished his sandwich in near silence as Dave switched the subject and talked more about his new roommates and what his plans were for the future. They parted amicably, and Jeff went on home, his mind a swirling and incomprehensible mess of information.

Later on that night, a number of bottles in to his nightly intake, Jeff sat there on his bed, thinking through all Dave had told him, and what it meant and didn’t mean. So Sarah had hit Dave up and invited him over for dinner. Why? And how the hell had she gotten his number? Had she looked through Jeff’s phone somehow when he was at her place? That didn’t seem possible. Did Dave have his number posted on the internet somewhere? Maybe. But why had she wanted to hang out with Dave? Jeff thought and thought through all the possibilities, until he decided that he had probably reminded her of Dave, and she probably just wanted to reconnect and see how he was doing. Neighbors hitting up neighbors. Like she had toasted her wine to him by saying “neighbors,” hadn’t she? But then Jeff’s stomach dropped as he saw her face looming over him as his body was inexorably drawn into her absorbing, powerful flesh; “Hey there neighbor,” she had breathed, sexily. He shook his head, his dick becoming erect at the memory. What did all this mean? Had she done stuff with Dave? He hadn’t specifically asked Dave…but Dave would have told him, surely! And anyway, Dave said that they weren’t dating. If Sarah had made out with Dave, then they’d clearly be in competition, right? But Dave didn’t seem to think they were in competition at all — he was laughing and cracking jokes most of the time they were talking.

No — it was impossible. But why had she eaten with Dave at the dining room table?? Why did Dave get to do that? He thought and thought about this problem, remembering that Sarah had said that she thought the dining room was too “formal” for them. What did she mean by that? He worried that she maybe took Dave more seriously and that’s why she wanted to be more formal and eat with him in her dining room, like actual partners. But remember, he and Sarah had an unconventional relationship. They didn’t play by the rules — “formality” was a silly word to them. They did what they wanted, like eat on stools in the kitchen! Of course, that was it. Sarah probably had dinner with all kinds of guys in her dining room, but only with him did she drop the formality. Jeff swelled with pride, happy that he could’ve thought through all that successfully. He sucked down another beer. He was kicking himself because he should’ve asked Dave if she had mentioned him, or their relationship. No matter, though — that would have been tacky. Besides, he didn’t need anyone else to tell him what Sarah thought of him.

The night wore on, and Jeff got drunker. Ever since Dave had highlighted the fact that Jeff had not spoken to Sarah in two weeks, Jeff had felt an uncomfortable prick in the back of his brain. It was true — that was a long time not to talk. As he analyzed this issue in his head, Jeff came to the conclusion (quicker because he was drunk) that he was the one who needed to text Sarah again, to show her that he knew that she was playing hard to get, and that he was going to catch her. He thought about some clever phrases to use, but as he thought, his mind, as always, drifted to Sarah and her body, her face, her smell. She was almost unbelievable. He had to be close to her again. He had to touch her again, and smell her. He had to look at her face. He had to feel her big hands on his little body…he had to — and Jeff tried to snap himself out of this reverie, as his extremely erect dick was poking painfully through his pants. He threw off his clothes and began stroking himself, gazing down in admiration at how huge his cock looked, and how different it looked from the rest of his body. Was it almost as big as one of his legs now?

And just like that, Jeff had a brilliant idea. He whipped out his phone, and, after stroking himself more and trying a number of positions, he snapped a picture of his erect cock. He selected Sarah as a contact, wrote an accompanying “Let’s get together, girl,” and sent it. He jumped back on his bed elated, and more excited than he’d ever been. ‘What a stroke of genius,’ he thought.

And just like that, his phone buzzed. His heart in his mouth, he looked at his phone. Sarah. “Oooo is that for me? Tomorrow night. My place. Don’t cum until then, or I’ll know.”



Chapter 10: A Nighttime Visit

For Jeff, the hardest part of this whole arrangement was obeying Sarah’s command not to cum. As soon as he had read her text, he sat there on the bed, utterly overtaken by excitement, and yet at the same time he was thoroughly puzzled. Through the indistinct and familiar fog of his drunkenness, his head pounded through the reality of the moment, and he felt the massive gravity of the narrative building in his head. His ploy had totally worked. That was exactly what she was waiting for. Of course she had been waiting for that! That’s what she wanted to see!! He had been right all along — she’d been playing hard to get, and she wasn’t going to let him get it easy. She wasn’t going to come crawling to him, come begging for a relationship. She was gonna make him work for it. Because she wasn’t like other girls, like all the ones who rejected him. She knew she was hot stuff; she knew she was a pretty piece, a trophy that not just anyone could get. And unlike all these other bitches, like Cassie, like all those broads from the bars, Sarah wasn’t afraid to be a woman, to let him, Jeff, do the chasing. To let the man actually woo the girl for a change. Jeff couldn’t have congratulated himself more as he lay down to sleep. He literally fell asleep chuckling to himself, a knowing and vainglorious grin plastered across his face.

The only thing that threw a slight wrench in this otherwise triumphant narrative was Sarah’s stipulation that he was not supposed to cum until he got to her house. ‘What the hell was that all about?’ he wondered as he walked into the grocery store the next afternoon. Was it some kind of flirty little game that she liked to play? Jeff had never heard of guys being told when and when not to cum. The only porn he really watched involved the dude cumming whenever and wherever he felt like it. What was she doing? It seemed like a game to him.

‘I mean, it’s Sarah after all,’ he thought with a knowing smile as he made his way over to the pharmacy aisle. Though he hadn’t really noticed for weeks, his limp had gotten worse. ‘And she’s a little…uh, well, different. She’s into science and stuff. This was probably just part of her wild side.’ He browsed and quickly found a box of Magnum condoms and waited until some people passed him by to take them off the shelf. He hadn’t bought condoms in a long, long time, but whenever he had, he loved doing it slowly and deliberately, so that people would notice exactly which brand he was buying. He loved their quick surprised glances. Yeah, he was a smaller guy, sure. But he was sure as hell big where it counted. Back when he did have sex, he didn’t much care for condoms. But he figured he’d bring them to Sarah’s because she was young and inexperienced and might freak out about unprotected sex.

‘That’s just the kind of guy I am,’ he thought as he walked down the aisle toward the flowers, holding the box of condoms out conspicuously in front of him with two hands. ‘Considerate.’ He stood in front of the flowers and breathed in their fresh wet scent. What kind of bouquet would Sarah expect him to bring? He had to get it right.

‘I mean,’ he thought to himself as he stood in front of the flowers, ‘this whole don’t-cum thing isn’t really that complicated.’ He picked out a bunch of white daisies and lilies and brought them to his nose to smell. ‘No way, too plain. Anything but plain flowers.’ Sarah was definitely not a plain girl. He had to find the flowers that described her best as a person.

‘It’s probably just her way of trying to be, uh…what’s the word…kinky. Yeah, that’s it. Kinky. I took our relationship up a notch and she was just trying to show me that she could match it. What a dirty girl, I love it.’ He selected some bluebells and smelled them. ‘Nah, too sweet. Sarah’s a sweetheart, for sure, but she has this little kinky side. I need something else.’ He browsed more and continued musing.

‘What’s more,’ he thought as he rejected the yellow tulips (too cliche), ‘this is some kind of…like…ownership play on her part. Like she’s staking her claim to me.’ His dick began to harden in his pants as he thought about this idea, although he had to steer away from where his mind was going. He didn’t want to be owned by anyone, even his girlfriend, because he was a man and nobody owned him. He did, however, like the idea of her wanting to claim him as hers, and nobody else’s. His mind jumped to fantasies of of jealousy — he was talking to a female friend who was trying to flirt with him, when Sarah came up behind him and put her arms around him from the back. ‘Who’s this you’re talking to, babe?’ came Sarah’s calm voice in his fantasy. Although Jeff couldn’t see her eyes, he knew their steady, piercing green was regarding the overmatched, small, inadequate other female with confident and watchful superiority. His cock got even harder.

‘And maybe,’ he continued thinking as he chose some roses, ‘she wants to make sure that I…uh, that I can perform or something.’ The roses were a wonderfully deep red and had a rich, profound scent. ‘Perfect,’ he thought, and headed to the registers. He knew he could do the self-checkout, but he wanted an actual person to see what he was buying, to know that he was in for one heck of a night.

‘She doesn’t need to worry,’ he thought smugly as he stood in line behind a middle-aged woman, who stood a head taller than him (She has to be like 45 or so…she looks like a mom), ‘performance is never really an issue with me, no many how many times I’ve cum.’ He kept thinking, still puzzled by Sarah’s command. ‘But surely she’d know this about me? Of course she wouldn’t be worried that I’d be able to give her what she needed, right? So why tell me not to —”

“So how’s your school going?” asked the cashier to the middle-aged woman in front of him. Jeff stopped thinking and listened to the conversation. School?

“Oh, you know. Always busy,” laughed the woman, putting her (mostly domestic) items on the conveyor belt.

“I hear you, I hear you,” laughed the cashier, scanning the items.

“It’s what I’ve realized,” continued the woman, swiping her card, “When you’re in grad school, you may have summer break, fall break, Christmas break, yadda yadda, but you’re never really on break, you know what I mean?”

“That’s what my son tells me,” said the cashier, nodding knowingly as she handed the woman her receipt. “You’re always working.”

“Yep,” said the woman, smiling as she grabbed her bags to leave, “But hey, there’s always the good things in life, right? As of last week, I can rent a car now, haha! Last big milestone until I can get social security!”

“Oh, girl!” laughed the cashier, “happy birthday! See ya next time, ok?”

“Bye!” said the woman as she walked away. Jeff came up behind her, confused.

“Will that be all for you sir?” asked the cashier, still smiling from her previous conversation. Jeff watched the woman leaving the store, looked at his two items of the conveyor belt, and then looked up at the cashier.

“Uh, no…no, that’s it.”

“All right then,” said the cashier kindly. “That’ll be $16.53.” Jeff fumbled in his wallet for the credit card he used to buy things. It all went to an account that his parents paid off each month. He was disappointed — the cashier hadn’t said anything, or given him any sign of recognition that he was buying (large) condoms and flowers. But more than anything, he was still confused. How was that woman still in school? Did she go back to grad school after raising a family? He felt somewhere in his brain that the whole car rental thing was a giant clue to her age, and in this moment, he felt like he needed to know.

“Um,” he asked the cashier tentatively after he had swiped his card, “uh…how old do you have to be to, uh, rent a car?”

The cashier looked at him without expression for a moment, and then she smiled and said, “Young man, I believe it’s something like 25.”

“25??” asked Jeff incredulously.

The cashier kept smiling as she handed him back his receipt. “Well, I think you can rent a few years earlier, but it’s more expensive. More surcharges, things like that. When you’re 25, you can rent just like anybody else.”

Jeff stood there, his bag of flowers and condoms in his hand, not knowing what to think. That woman was 25??

“But don’t worry,” said the cashier sympathetically as she began scanning the next customer’s items, “There are other ways you could rent a car, I’m sure. There’s some good stuff online — ”

“But..but no, no! I’m 28! 28!”

The cashier looked at him a moment, confused, but then she recovered and said, “Oh, o-ok. Have a nice day sir,” and started talking to the next customer.

Jeff stood there a few moments more before turning and limping out of the store, annoyed and distracted.

‘What the hell was all that about?’ he wondered as he got into his car. He winced as he pivoted his hip, and for once he was aware of the sharp pain that seared up through his pelvis and down his leg. He needed to make that appointment for surgery….and here Jeff stopped dead in his tracks.

He hadn’t made the appointment. Sarah made him promise that he would. It had been over two weeks, and he hadn’t made it. Jeff began to panic, wondering what Sarah would say when she learned he hadn’t made it yet. His heart beat faster and faster, and he felt his face and neck flushing. His hands began to feel like they were getting pricked by little needles, and as he clutched the polyester armrest in the driver seat to steady himself, he felt his sickly, cool, clammy palms interact uncomfortably with the artificial fabric. She would be angry, disappointed, maybe even disbelieving. She would feel that he couldn’t hold it together; she would know that he wasn’t what he said he was; she would find out.

Then Jeff looked at the clock. 6:30. He paused a moment, and then breathed a sigh of relief. There was still time. Of course there was still time. He took a couple of deep breaths and managed to smile, and after he looked down at the condoms and flowers he had just bought, he actually laughed out loud to himself in his car.

“Oh boy!” he exclaimed audibly, “Look at me. A bundle of nerves!” He laughed again, the worries of a few moments previously evaporating in the air. He got out his phone, found the hospital number in the email from a few weeks ago, and within ten minutes had scheduled his hip replacement surgery. He even wrote down the time and date in his (otherwise empty) calendar, about three weeks away. He couldn’t have been more proud of himself.

And now all that was left to do was to drive around until 8 o’clock. That was what “night” meant to Jeff. Any time before then was too early, and any time later…well, he just wanted to get over to her place. The more he thought about Sarah’s texting style, the more turned on he became. She was short and to the point. No messing around, no dilly-dallying, no games, no chance for miscommunication. ‘She really is a woman,’ Jeff thought to himself as he drove aimlessly around. ‘A woman who knows what she wants and who isn’t afraid to get it.’

He looked down at his erect cock. He nodded to himself and smiled. ‘Yeah, that’s right, she knows what she wants.’ His mind jumped back to her mysterious “no-cumming” text, and he wondered if maybe it had something to do with fertility. ‘Maybe she wants me to keep my sperm count high,’ he thought, as he turned down random roads in the gathering gloom. ‘Maybe she’s actually that far-out, that she actually wants all my sperm for herself.’ He went uphill and downhill as the sun completely set. ‘Maybe she has some kind of sperm fetish,’ he thought hopefully, turning left at a stop sign. His dick was now almost fully erect, and he remembered that he had to keep it under control. ‘In any case,’ he thought as he pulled a u-turn and began driving toward’s Sarah’s house, ‘I bet she gives the best blowjobs.’

He arrived at Sarah’s house just after 8:00, and any traces of light from the day were gone; night held full sway. Jeff limped up to Sarah’s doorway once more, which was well-lit with a pleasant orange light emanating from two lanterns on either side of the door. Jeff looked at the two lanterns, and felt the stillness and silence of the growing night deepen around him. All of his smug thoughts and self congratulation and plans for the future seemed neutralized in the face of those lights. They were like silent, steady guards, sentries with watchful eyes. In that moment, Jeff doubted whether he could pass them.

Something outside of himself, however, bade him knock, and he did. He stood there a few moments, completely still, his heart not seeming to beat.

“Is that you, Jeff?” came Sarah’s sweet voice from deep inside her house.

“Y-y-yes! Y-yes it’s m-me!” squeaked Jeff, clutching his condoms and flowers tighter.

“What was that?” said Sarah’s warm voice again. “I didn’t catch that — speak up!”

“I-it’s me!” said Jeff a little louder, still seeming to squeak.

Jeff thought he heard something like a soft laugh. “Ok, Jeff. Come on in — I left the door unlocked.”
With difficulty, Jeff gathered up his parcels in one hand to turn the knob, and then pushed in through the door and into the house. The door was heavy, and as he pushed it closed behind him it seemed to boom shut with a heavy finality.

“Lock it, will you?” came Sarah’s delicious voice again. She must have been in the living room. Jeff did, and then turned to face the interior of the house. Whereas last time the lights were bright and cheery, complete with enticing aromas of food, this time all the lights were low and dimmed, and the whole house seemed to bathe in a deep red. A few candles were flickering playfully, and they must have been scented — the place smelled like lavender. Jeff began walking down the hallway, towards the kitchen and living room. His body was shaking like a leaf.

He rounded the corner, and there she was. Stretched out on that red sofa in the living room, waiting for him. As soon as Jeff saw her, he stopped. She had on a tight white t-shirt and a pair of black gym shorts, and her feet were bare. Her luscious body easily filled up her scant clothing, and as she lay there, propped up on her elbow, she looked like a great cat examining something it was about to eat. She smiled as she saw him.

“Oh, look at that,” she breathed, almost to herself, “he brought me flowers.” She chuckled. “Jeff, how sweet! You brought me flowers…and…something else?” She inclined her head a little toward the box on condoms that Jeff was squeezing in his hand. He was still visibly shaking.

“What else do you have there, Jeff?” she asked slyly. Jeff tried to make words, but his throat felt like a fountain that had been dry for centuries. He managed only a few coughing sounds.

“Jeff,” said Sarah’s deep loving voice, “why don’t you come on over here?” Jeff tried to move but couldn’t at first.

“Come on,” said Sarah patiently, stretching out her hand and beckoning him with a single, long, manicured finger. “Cooommmme on Jeff, cooommme on —” Jeff’s legs started to move towards her. “That’s it,” she said kindly, “Come on, cooommmme on, yeah, that’s right, theeeerrre we go.” She had sat up to make room for him on the sofa, and he sat down next to her. He kept his head down, but he was still able to see her huge legs and torso. God, her thighs were just enormous, and her calves were incredibly shapely. His head reached the bottom of her neck — them both sitting down, she was about a head taller than him. And here he was, on her sofa again, and he could not stop shaking. He was crushing his box of condoms into oblivion, and green water ran down his shriveled wrists from the rose stalks that we was unconsciously compressing.

Sarah’s large hand came into his view, her pointed fingernails like claws, and it seemed to span his entire lap. A couple of silver rings glinted from her fingers, and that black hair tie hugged her wrist. Her hand seemed seemed so ferocious, and yet all it did was reach out and take Jeff’s knee and lower thigh in its warm, soft, strong embrace, and squeeze it gently, deeply.

“Jeff,” whispered Sarah from somewhere above him, “Jeff.” He couldn’t answer her; he couldn’t even raise his head. He looked at her hand on his knee, his thigh, and wondered whether she could simply twist it and snap his leg in two. Seeming to confirm his thoughts, she shook his knee lightly with her hand, and the vibrations reverberated through his whole body. He wasn’t shaking anymore — now she was shaking him.

“Jeff,” cooed Sarah again to him. “Jeff…Jeff…Jeff…” she was quietly chanting his name now, and he finally answered by looking up at her. She was looking down on him and smiling genially, her mane of blond hair flowing down her shoulders. Even in the darker light, Jeff could see the green glint of her eyes, and the red of her lips. He perceived her teeth.

“Jeff, hey. It’s me, it’s just me!” Her hand shook him a few times more, gave him a parting squeeze, and then let go. He saw her handprint on his knee and upper thigh, and his color took a minute to come back.

“Don’t be nervous,” Sarah continued. “Here, let me take those.” She reached down and took the mutilated flowers and the pulverized box of condoms in one hand. She put the flowers gently on the coffee table in front of them, and regarded the box of condoms with an amused smile. She held them up to Jeff, her smile growing wider.

“What are these for, huh?” she asked sexily. “What did you get these for, Jeff?”

Even though the answer was obvious, it seemed absurd at this stage to even contemplate having sex with Sarah. Jeff was just focused on not falling to pieces there on the sofa as he sat next to her. But she persisted, seeming to enjoy his position.

“What are these for, huh? What do these do?” She brought the box to her face and pretended to investigate it seriously, her eyebrows furrowed in mock concentration. “Are they for eating?” She brought the box up to her mouth, licking her lips as she snapped her teeth at it. Jeff jumped in his sofa cushion at the sound of her teeth. Sarah laughed down at him, her eyebrow arching at him playfully.

“No? Not for eating? What about smelling? Do they smell good?” She began sniffing around the box seriously, blinking as she inhaled in short little audible bursts, like an animal investigating a foreign object. Jeff’s cock got even harder as he watched Sarah sniff around the box. He couldn’t understand what about her play was so irresistible to him; he just knew that he had no defense. He managed to shake his head up at her.

“No?” asked Sarah, grinning, “not for smelling? Well then it’s a mystery! I guess I’ll just put these over here for now.” She stretched over from her sitting position and deposited the crumpled box on the coffee table next to the roses. Jeff was aware that, from his sitting position, his reach would not get anywhere close to the coffee table. But there it was — his gifts deposited, it was just him and Sarah on the sofa. She had stopped his shaking, and he was able to look at her. She bunched up her knees playfully against her prodigious chest, with both of her bare feet on the sofa in front of her. Even half a sofa away, Jeff still felt absolutely tiny next to her. She let a few moments of silence pass, her elbow propped up against an armrest, looking down at him curiously. She had kindness, or at least playfulness, in her eyes, but her expression was neutral. As each moment passed, Jeff felt more and more like an animal…a little animal with a tiny tail, being watched by a predator. He realized it suddenly — she was giving him a chance to talk, to steer the conversation, to take charge. But he could think of nothing to say. Time passed by, and Sarah’s eyes never left him. The candles flickered on the walls around them.

“So Jeff,” came Sarah’s calm, deep voice after a while, “why did you send me that picture?”

Horrible guilt wracked Jeff’s insides, and he felt like throwing up. He looked down quickly, unable to meet her eyes, and began to shake again.

Sarah reached out one of her long, ivory legs and poked Jeff’s leg with her toes. She had on red toenail polish that matched her lips…God her foot was big…half as long as his thigh? No, it couldn’t be…he felt another lurch in his pants, and for the first time realized that his erection had been sticking very clearly out of his jeans. The touch of her foot on his leg nearly sent him over the edge.

“Jeff,” said Sarah again, but this time more insistently, “Calm down. Look at me.” He did, because the playfulness seemed to have vanished from her voice. She was looking at him patience.

“Is it because of sex?” she asked softly. “Do you want to have sex with me, Jeff Stintum?” Her voice was was smooth and calm as a placid lake. She wasn’t mocking him, she wasn’t playing with him, and she wasn’t angry with him. She was just asking him an honest question. Jeff looked up at her. Her foot had withdrawn, and she just sat there on the sofa, inquiring down at him patiently, waiting for an answer.

But he couldn’t giver her an answer. The prospect of saying “yes” was so ludicrous to him that the impossibility of it was making him even more aroused. He had no idea what was happening to his body. The longer he sat there, unable to answer Sarah, and the longer she sat regarding him patiently, the more aroused he became. What was this??

After a minute or so, Sarah slowly readjusted her body into a normal sitting position, and Jeff felt her movements.

“So Jeff,” she said after a while, “I want to tell you something.” She patted the cushion next to her, eyeing Jeff. Not seeming to understand, he just watched her.

“Come here Jeff,” she said softly, as if to a pet, continuing to pat the cushion. “Come here.”

And like a pet, Jeff scurried over and sat next to her, his dick really beginning to stick painfully through his jeans. The closer he got to her, the harder he became, and here he was, right next to her. She reached down her big hand and gently positioned his legs so that they lined up exactly with hers. Jeff nearly came in his pants right there, and he had to tense up the little muscles in his abdomen to prevent it. Her thighs rose impossibly above his, like massive waves in otherwise calm waters. It was like his thighs weren’t even there. If he had stacked four or five of his legs on top of each other, they still wouldn’t have reached the top of hers.

He shuddered as he felt her arm snake around his shoulders and his back, drawing him in with quiet strength. Effortlessly with one arm, she pulled his body closer to hers, her hand stretching from the middle of his back around his ribs in the front. He looked down and saw her huge, manicured fingers curved around his abdomen, and once again felt the reality of her size and strength.

“Mmmmm,” she breathed deeply, and exhaled slowly onto him, her sweet breath ruffling his hair. As she held Jeff to her, he stared directly into her upper chest, which rose and fell in front of him deliberately. Her huge breasts were squished around his throat, and her other free hand reached down and held Jeff’s chin in a firm grip and directed it upward to her own.

“See, Jeff,” she said tenderly, looking down at him, her long pinkie finger stroking his cheek, “I think it’s great that we’ve reconnected.” She released his chin, but kept stroking his cheeks with her fingers. “It’s crazy how much things have changed,” she continued, “and I’m so into it.” She was scratching his cheeks now with her fingernails, and moved down slowly to his neck. Jeff was near his bursting point. What did she mean, she was “into it?”

“And I think it’s pretty clear,” she continued, slithering her hand under his shirt and scratching his back, “that you aren’t really sure what you want, Jeff.” He was about to feel crushed, but she continued in the same breath, “And that’s fine.” Her fingers had wound their way around to his stomach, and had stopped scratching momentarily to emphasize her point. Her looked up at her and she nodded down at him earnestly.

“That’s fine, Jeff,” she repeated, resuming her scratching. “It’s ok not to know what you want.” Her fingers were now at his underwear line. Jeff gritted his teeth. He was about to cum.

“But Jeff,” said Sarah, who had started to breathe hard herself, “I know what I want.” Scratching fingers around his crotch now. He was going to cum.

“My cock?” he blurted out, surprising himself. She stopped scratching and he looked up at her, terrified. But he saw her smiling widely, as her nostrils flared in aroused amusement.

“My big hard cock?” he asked again in a squeaky voice, trying to play his role in the play she was putting on.

Sarah laughed heartily as she gave his crotch one last scratch before she suddenly brought her hand out of his pants, undid his belt, his button, and his zipper with one hand with blinding speed, and released his huge, throbbing erection that rose like a totem pole from Jeff’s shriveled pelvis. Her eyes seemed lost in his cock for a moment, but then she turned to him, still laughing, as she licked her lips at him with her long tongue.

“Oh Jeff. Yeah, your cock. Let’s start there.” She grabbed his thick pole forcefully, and he came. He came more than he ever had in his life, shooting thick wet ropes of semen multiple feet into the air. Sarah growled. Through his shattered mind, Jeff felt totally stripped down by the noise she made. It was hungry, animalistic.

Sarah reached out a huge, cupped hand and caught as much of Jeff’s cum as she could. She wasn’t even jerking him off — she was just clutching his cock in her powerful grip. Her hand went all around his member, but, unlike the rest of his body, her hand didn’t seem overly large compared to his cock. They seemed just the right size for each other. After a few moments she continued to coax the orgasm forth with coos and “ooos” and “aahhs,” and Jeff slumped against her body. He could hear her cooing and chirping at him through her body. She finally released his cock, and it slapped down wetly on his chest, making a loud “smack.”

“Well,” said Sarah teasingly, “it looks like somebody did as he was told.” She brought her cupped hand to her face, and then held it down to Jeff, showing him his load.

“Look at that!” she trilled happily. “What. A. Load.” And it was — even in Sarah’s large palm, his cum seemed to form a little lake. His mind was blank; he didn’t know what to think. It was all too fast, too much for him.

Sarah brought her cupped hand back up to her face. With her other hand, her long fingers wrapping around his neck and shoulder area, she maneuvered Jeff off her body and turned him around so that he could face her and see what she was doing. She was sniffing her cupped hand, just like she had sniffed the box of condoms.

“Hmmm…” she hummed in mock analysis, “I wonder how it…hmmm…mhmmm…” and her tongue poked out of her mouth and lashed at the pool of cum. She continued to smell and taste Jeff’s cum in her hand, as if trying to decipher what it was. She looked down at him and giggled, enjoying his dumbfounded reaction. She reached down her other hand and grasped his upper thigh, giving it a playful little squeeze. Jeff gasped. Her hand wrapped all the way around it.

“Little legs,” murmured Sarah playfully down at him, her tongue now swirling around the cum in her palm. Jeff felt his cock rise up off his chest. He was getting hard again…but how, after an orgasm like that?

“Salty,” giggled Sarah at him. He looked up again at her face and saw her smile down at him with wide, closed teeth. Then she brought her closed teeth down to her palm.

“Ffffffftttttttthhhhhh!” She sucked all the cum up through her teeth. Jeff stared, his eyes popping, his erection growing again. Finished, with wide eyes, she showed Jeff her palm, which was still slick with his remnants. For a moment she seemed to consider wiping his face with her hand, and she held her hand close to him…close enough to show Jeff that she could easily palm his face. But then she then withdrew it, licking it off instead with her long tongue.

After she was finished, Sarah leaned down to Jeff, so that her face was inches away from his, and smacked her full lips in exaggeration.

“Mmmmmm, Jeff, that was tasty,” she said, a tint of aggression in her voice. She glanced over at his erection and then looked back at him, her eyebrow arched, a wry smile on her face. Suddenly, she sprang up off the sofa, collapsed down on her knees in front of him, and pried his tiny legs apart with her powerful hands. She promptly extended her tongue at him and flicked it teasingly, once again shocking Jeff with its speed. How did she do that?

She licked up and down his shaft three times quickly, swiftly, as she sensed some kind of invisible momentum. Jeff was absolute putty now.

“I think I want seconds.” Sarah yawned her mouth open, and, without ceremony, wrapped her lips around his big, purple head and began to slowly go down, down, down his engorged length, her ultimate goal not in doubt. She went deliberately, and she managed the first half without issue. Jeff could not handle it — he was going to cum again. Six inches…seven……eight…..with each passing inch, Sarah’s mouth stretched more and more, as Jeff’s cock was not simply long, but thick as well, especially at the base. Was she going to….? She had one more inch to go. Jeff’s eyes were rolling back in his head. Sarah looked up at him, and he met her eyes. She snarled at him as she shook her head violently from side to side in a short burst of intensity, and gathered up one of his legs in each of her arms. Then she closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and went for it. The blond mane of her hair shook with effort, as the veins bulged in her throat.

“Mmmmmmrrrhhhhh!!” she moaned vigorously, deeply, and Jeff felt the last inch of his cock slide into her throat. He exploded in orgasm, and passed out.