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Unread 09-30-2017   #35
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 106
Re: New Story "Take It All In" by Clovis

Originally Posted by sadmanofshadows View Post
Hello Clovis! Sorry I haven't given you what you wanted so far but I'm hoping to change that. Reading your chapters is something of a sit down and very specifically the last chapter that focused on Etna was unappealing to me due to Enta being the focus. That isn't a bad thing. I just didn't feel motivated to read an Etna chapter. I can be led by my emotions and I strongly dislike that woman. Which was the point. But that leads me to my next point, I was absolutely heartbroken when Holly pulled the double cross. Obviously I was relieved when I found out the truth but still the path the two of them took feels like a double cross that could bite both in the ass later depending on how you have this planned out. That being said, Holly growing is magnificent. Gaining only in the best places is a very sexy thing. Which brings me to Dawn. I'm not sure I fully understand what she looks like right now. Is she mainly belly? Does she look like a Critical-Volume girl? That's what I gathered but that seems slightly different from what you described happening to her before? I'm probably wrong about that but I swear she she should have more going on up top and down below?
One thing that appeals to me is the idea of either like a post-duel story or something involving Holly being fed by Amber and her breasts/butt getting absolutely everything. Otherwise I like what you have going and am crossing my fingers for a Dawn victory.
Thank you so much for taking the time to write this, it is very much appreciated.

Etna actually has her fans. She wasn't a character I planned on going in too deep with, but I saw what some responded to and as I developed her I actually found her fun to write. Also, I really want to avoid making things seem one sided, or give Dawn too easy a time. I think knowing Etna better actually makes Dawn's story more interesting. Same with Holly. She is the wild card of the story and while her apparent betrayal may have been hard to accept, I think it led to better things that I could not have achieved otherwise.

The confusion over Dawn's appearance has been a constant frustration and is not unique to you. I feel it's all been explained rather clearly, especially by now. But what seems to be happening is readers bringing in their own preferences and molding the words to their own mental image. The forum release is really meant as a rough draft and if I ever put out the final polished version, I will try to describe her process better. Dawn is going through a fairly standard full-body expansion (like a blueberry expansion without the blue.) Here is the best example of her progression that I can find courtesy of shydude:

Thanks again, and feel free to ask any questions you may have.
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