Hey all. Long time lurker, first time poster here. I wrote this after a dream I had a while ago, and then realized I had nowhere to post this, so I though here would be a good start. It's a bit wordy (I tend to ramble, and have been told I'm a 'comma whore'), but I think it came together pretty nicely. I'll post the first two chapters, and if it goes over well, I'll post more as I write it.
Critique is welcomed, but please be gentle, I bruise easily
EDIT: Now not presented as a wall o' text!
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Monday, 8:45 PM
I sat down on the couch, hoping I projected confidence (or at least didn’t look as shaky as I felt). Sarah took the seat at the opposite side as she traditionally did when she visited my apartment. She looked as radiant as she always has since the day I moved into the building. Her brown hair seemed to flow from her head and split across her shoulders like rivers of cocoa. Her lips were just the right size, not too thin or too puffy, and seemed to have a natural resting position of a soft smile. Even though she wore a sweatshirt and matching sweatpants, I could tell she had the figure of a goddess reborn as a mortal.
“So, I take it from your message this isn’t just another Mario Kart match?” she asked in that melodious voice of hers. That voice could disarm the most hardened adversary, and bend them to her will.
Damn, I’ve got it bad.
“So…” I started, trying to get my thoughts together. “We’ve been friends for a while now. I appreciate you hanging out with me, hitting the bar scene together, playing the aforementioned Mario Kart…”
“Which I regularly kick your ass in,” she interjected, flashing a smile with those perfect white teeth of hers.
“That’s debatable,” I replied playfully, grateful for the pressure relief. She always seems to know the perfect thing to say.
“But I think what I really appreciate,” I continued, “is that we’re each other’s confidants. I know you’re a practicing witch, you know about that little incident with me and the chopsticks my first semester here.”
She gave a quick giggle. “That must’ve been so embarrassing for you.”
I gave an exaggerated eye roll. “Mildly embarrassing, to say the least. Anyways, I have something that I wanted to tell you, in the spirit of that keeping of secrets.”
Here goes nothing.
“I don’t think I could be your friend without telling you how I feel. The truth is, I’ve kinda had a crush on you for a while. In fact, a big crush. I know you’re a lesbian, and I’m perfectly fine with that. I wouldn’t want you to change, especially not for me, that wouldn’t be right. But I also don’t want to be friends with you and keep this a secret, or worse if you were to find out from someone else.
“I think you know how beautiful you are. Heck, you could probably say one word to the world’s straightest and most conservative woman, and she’d suddenly find herself naked in your apartment. But it’s not just the physical aspect I find attractive. You’re smart, hilarious, and personable. And our personalities complement each other so perfectly. We can practically finish each other’s thoughts.
“And again, this isn’t just me trying to change the way you are with some pathetic rom-com bull. I really do understand this is a one-sided thing. I just wanted you to know where I stand.”
The silence that filled the room was beyond awkward. I realized, I’d been staring at the floor the whole time I’d said that monologue of mine, so I looked over at Sarah. She looked pensive, which was good in a way. I’d been worried this speech of mine, which I’d been practicing all last week, would’ve left her angry, sad, or indignant. She seemed to be staring off into space, lost in her own thoughts.
Outside my little college apartment, the world continued as if nothing had happened. Cars drove by, conversations were exchanged between passing pedestrians, and the wind rustled through autumn leaves. It was a soft reminder that life goes on, even when yours feels like it’s at a standstill.
Finally, Sarah said, “I understand. Thank you for telling me.” Her voice sounded more neutral than I’d ever heard it before. I couldn’t tell if she was trying to hold back anger, tears, or if she was just incredibly disappointed. Heck, for all I know, she felt nothing at all. Maybe guys regularly confessed their love to her.
I held up my hands defensively. “Again, I’m not trying to convert you, or try to weasel my way into a relationship with you. You wouldn’t be you if I did that. I just felt like it wasn’t fair to keep this from you.”
She nodded. “I get it John, I really do. And I really do appreciate your honesty. It’s why I value our friendship so much.”
Another awkward pause wedged its way between us. Finally she looked at me apologetically and said, “I should probably take off.”
We both stood at the same time. “I’m sorry if I made this weird,” I apologized.
She waved the apology off. “No, it’s fine.”
I walked her over to my apartment door and opened it for her. As I opened the door for her, I turned and reluctantly said, “I hope we can still hang out together. Maybe after this thing settles down a bit?”
“Yeah, definitely.” She paused, then gave that little grin of hers. “I still need someone to beat up in video games after all.”
“Anytime, anywhere,” I replied, returning her smile.
And with that, she left and I closed the door. I returned to the worn gray couch, and flopped down like a rag doll. I tried to decide if that had gone about as bad as I thought it would, or if it had been worse. I tried to convince myself that if I’d just kept my mouth shut, my neighbor of two years and I could be laughing it up over games and beer right now. But I kept coming back to the same conclusion: it really wouldn’t have been fair to keep this from her. I didn’t want to be a pathetic little hipster, whining about being friend-zoned by the object of his affection. After all, I don’t even own a fedora.
I tried to pick up an RPG I’d been grinding though, but just didn’t have the heart for it. I realized I was more tired than I realized. I did some assigned reading for one of my classes, and got through a few pages before I decided to just call this night over. Hopefully tomorrow would be easier.
Why the heck did I decide doing this on a Monday was a good idea?