Quote:
Originally Posted by Dreamtales
This was intentional, that in addition to getting bigger sexier, stronger, Kristen also gets better eyesight - and her big sister Megan (who teases her about it) gets worse eyesight as she regress.
It's just one more small humiliation and handicap for Megan. Did no one else enjoy this? I liked it (obviously because I put it in there).
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Like Godley said, to me, it was out of left field, if they had said "Oh, what happened to my contacts", or "we have to take them out before we go swimming" or "we lost them swimming", they're eyesight would have been more believable. Heck I would have even accepted that the pool stole the traits of the other women IF it'd been hinted at appropriately. It threw me off but not nearly as much as stuff like the obviously creeping on the little girls in Yard Work 11 by the older brother, or the little sister willfully breastfeeding her brother in Yard Work 13, that's just really weird between siblings, or the shrink/youth ray in Beach Blanket Beauties II shrinking Mandy instead of making her younger.
I'm all for subtle shifts in the story, if it needs it. But if you're working on a particular narrative it seems weird to throw in a fetish just to throw it in. I understand you enjoy fetishes and you want to make the stories interesting for yourself, and I tend to purchase most of your work, I really don't like GTS so I try not to buy those, because I want to support you, but when the change in the narrative seems to happen for no reasons just to fit your own "niche" it's jarring to some of us.
When I write a story and I've found something has shifted out of focus, like how the roles of Monica and Tiffany ended up in A Goddess's Gifts, I go back through and reevaluate everything that led to that and make sure it's a logical progression. Sometimes it can't be helped without a fresh set of eyes, no one can catch everything.
My general rule of thumb, granted I've only provided a few pieces here on the process, but I like to think my narratives are pretty tight, is if you write the rules to something saying it does XYZ and then it suddenly does ABC without a valid explanation it just bad story telling.
If you're looking for test readers for scripts I'm sure there are dozens of us here who would help. With a little judicious rereading, trust me after publishing True Blue Alien: Digital Memories rereading and editing never hurt a story, everyone will start to think less and less about Squirt and more about your latest story. Personally I'm a fan of Booby Battle... but that's just me.
Not meaning to be harsh, I'm a big supporter and I just want to help make all the stories memorable.