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Unread 10-02-2017   #37
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 105
Re: New Story "Take It All In" by Clovis

Originally Posted by spenguin View Post
Hey Clovis!

I wouldn't sweat criticism of your characters in PWAFD. I think they're fantastic. They're part of the reason I kept coming back to them. Sure they were archetypes, but as a casual reader, that's kind of what I'm looking for. I've read it plenty of times over the years - and I hope this isn't insulting - I can't recall the characters' names. But I do remember the small girl who hopes to be larger. The gifted feminist who doesn't practice what she preaches (and the fun dynamic between her and the smaller girl). The reveal of the busty girl who is haunted by it - and then gains further. The double twist at the end. And the way you described the sense of .. destiny? Completeness? Absolute-ness? I don't know the word. I'm sure you do. But the end where the 'winner' looks upon her bounty is beautifully described.

Thoughts on this story:

I'm glad you have the opportunity in this longform story to flesh out characters. Personally, I'm not a fan of the descriptions of Etna; not my kink, and I come to erotic fiction to - come. But I don't mind it, it sets a fun adversarialness that is enjoyable. I really like the role she plays in the story. She occupies the space in my mind that Anne Wilkes did in Misery.

My favorite bit of these kinds of stories is the.. I don't know how do describe it, but this quote-

Dawn looked down sheepishly as she admitted, “Running may not be my thing anymore.”

-kind of encompasses it. The impediment that comes with such a bounty is so much fun. The busty-girl-who-yearns-for-less-and-gets-more is my favorite bit of PWAFD.

As such, Holly is my favorite player in this story. Her character arc is so great. Her self-consciousness turned sort of Disney-eyed hopefulness that she'll be worthy in a new super-bombshell body is mesmerizing. Her gaining confidence and realizing her sexual power is such a delight.

Please write more. And thank you so much.
Thanks, I'd never gotten much feedback on "Playing With a Full Deck." I know some love it which is great, but there were comments on the characters being one dimensional along with some issues with the specific rules of the spell (something I should have clarified, as while you gain always gain more, you can't keep losing certain attributes.) I didn't think of those characters as one dimensional, but there is a bit of a short-hand that goes along with writing a short piece. The story has been out there for years, but I'm not sure if anyone new is discovering it (same for "Cup Above the Rest.")

I'm wondering if you've had any confusion about Dawn's size/shape as other's have mentioned?

Very happy you mentioned Anne Wilkes. While not my original inspiration, when I was writing Etna's attempted manipulations with Holly, she was the voice I was hearing in my head. I was never into weight gain, but found it a necessary aspect to this story. Mostly it served to counter-balance Dawn's experience, but as things have progressed I've found Etna quite a joy to write. She and Dawn are both driven to grow, but in such different ways. As I've said earlier, the whole intermission segment was to keep a sense of balance in the story, and counteract any preconceived outcomes.

I think even in a long story, it is the little details or observations that make it work. Even as things get progressively more ridiculous I love finding the little touches that make it seem believable and am happy that you are responding to them.

Glad you're enjoying Holly's progression. I had a plan for her, but I can say it's turned out better than expected and something that I could only do in this longer format. While the focus isn't on Holly, Amber, or Lydia, they all have parts to play, and their actions and reactions help convey parts of Dawn that couldn't be achieved otherwise.

Thanks for the encouragement. I've been busy lately so writing's been slow, but this certainly helps motivate me.
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