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Thread: A Small Part,
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Unread 04-17-2016   #12
Captain Ash
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Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 778
Re: A Small Part,

The idea of the story is not bad.
Although I've discovered some mistakes or things that could have been done better.
The only shocking moment in this story was the planned nude scene instead of the shrinking itself.
So I hope the plot will have more twists.

This story reads more like a fan-story.
If you want to write and sell stories like a professional, try to avoid strong language, except they fit to the situation.
In my opinion your main character uses too much of them, and especially actors try to avoid them.
Even though she was a kid star, I would like to see her more ambition than acting like a diva, because she didn't get the role she wanted.

I also would give your text more structure, like more line breaks.
This would make it much easier to read.

My advice to you is: Writing is practice!
Try to write more stories and improve yourself.
Only little few people get rich by writing books, so don't rush into the e-book business.
People would give you more constructive feedback, if they see that you want to improve yourself, instead of selling them a product in process.


Greetings

Captain Ash
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