Well, to be very specific, the bit that I misunderstood was this paragraph:
Quote:
Right now your changes can be seen, and remembered, by those around you.
This blessing will circumvent the memory and events around you so that
you will not have fallout with co-workers or friends. No one but you, or
anyone you grandfathered in by fucking, will remember anything you may do
with them during your transformations. Your life will simply go on as
normal.
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The 'grandfathered in' bit seems slightly ambiguous. It wasn't clear if it meant 'people you had sex with before pinching out the flame' or if it referred to anyone that Dean had sex with while transformed (even after 'signing' the contract). I recognize that 'grandfathering' means bringing in something from before the establishment of a rule, it just wasn't quite as clear as it could have been. Of course, that could also be a feature of the letter- it's not a narrator's unbiased explanation of events, but rather the possibly-rushed writings of a witch with a guilty conscience and a predilection for putting fine text on the opposite side of a written agreement.
Regarding the transformations themselves, my basic critique is that they're all written in a quite observational manner. Dean describes that his face is smoother, and his nails are longer, but there's not a lot of attention given to how this feels. What sensations are felt as these things are happening? What would he feel if he were not referring to external textures and appearances? You mention a burning sensation several times, but to me, that's not quite as satisfying as a more detailed description.
Basically, the sequence is written as if it was an outside observer watching Dean transform. I think the story could be greatly enriched by writing things from his 'internal' perspective. What physical sensations are accompanying each bit of the change? Prickling, stretching, crushing, shuddering, churning... there's a huge variety of terms you could use to add tangible sensation to the story.
The mental changes (even if they're quite minor) that accompany the transformation are more difficult to write. I think you're doing a good job with this- I think that subtlety is usually the best path for something as tricky as the mental changes that occur as a character transforms from his base form into a living sexual fantasy.
Conveniently, you've set up a great literary conceit to experiment with all sorts of transformation types. I certainly wouldn't begrudge you putting more time into the descriptions of the change.
