[BillPratt]

Good piece of work, Reactant.

No magic bullet on the paragraph spacing. You have to put them in yourself or write a program to do it for you.

Good flow. Light on the passives, but still too many. Do a search through the story for "was" and look at places where you can kill the "was" and put the action back in as the verb. You almost always can.

The set-up is a little weak. You can speed that up quite a bit.


This line:
Then Wendy surprised herself: “I didn’t say I didn’t believe you.”

misses. It's wordy, commits weakly, and doesn't need a colon.

Then Wendy surprised herself and said, “I believe you.”

It's not wishy-washy. It's a commitment that should cement things with Carol, and legitimately surprise Wendy, because she's pretty wishy-washy at this point.