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Unread 01-12-2018   #44
JJStrebas
BE Writer
 
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Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 485
Re: The Cleavage Accounts

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Originally Posted by Darkstorm View Post
Some intriguing ideas in the new novel. I liked the time/dimensional intervention aspect of her inheritance - it incites Elizabeth to think beyond her own physical changes and see how they might be for the greater good. Tie-ins with other material in your expanded novel-verse, such as The Corset (and Nugenicorp) was also a nice touch. The scene with the plane was lovely, and seemed to do much in the way of helping Elizabeth accept herself and her fate.
Thanks. I was really trying to hint at a grander plan and purpose but keep things on a personal level which is why I wrote this in 1st person rather than my usual third.

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I too, find attribute theft to be completely anathema when it comes to BE stories, and find it terribly off-putting, even when only used once or twice; I have to admit being disappointed she didn't find the girl from the diner and help return her to normal. That's just me though, I'm sure there are fans who love stories featuring that.
It was my intention to have a scene with those two later and resolve that but I got in a rush and forgot about it. I had decided to save that for a possible future installment. But i think she needs a "win" and something positive sooner than that so I rewrote the scene in the doctor's office which I think you will find pleasing.

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I'm not sure if I noticed a slight continuity issue at the start of the epilogue - she reaches pavement and a dead-end in the road and screeches to a halt, whilst traveling in the ATV. The next paragraph I wasn't quite sure about "I had a feeling about one of the doors and grabbed the latch. It opened, and I walked into the empty office building."

Is this referring to the door of the ATV? I read it as though it was, but I had to go back and re-read the sentence to make sure I hadn't skipped something (and google RZR ATV's to have a look if they had doors - for some reason I pictured one without)
Yeah, it got sloppy there so I cleaned it up. Just ask Kindle to push the new version to you. Give it a few hours after this post's timestamp because the 'Zon still shows it as "Publishing" on my dashboard.

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A very interesting read, thankyou
Thank you! Supermarket is next!
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