Feedback on Seventh Chapter of Changing and Growing in Las Vegas

[Cu Roi]

Tis your humble narrator, malenkaya, wondering if I could get some feedback on the most recent chapter of CGLV. I was asked a while back to wrap up the story -- I'm assuming with at least the knowledge and hopefully consent of Great Dragon AD-- in BESC's move to finish up their open stories. I haven't seen the finished product, and I'm aware I didn't add as many character inserts as probably would have been desired. The story, at least as far as my involvement with it is concerned, is finished so this isn't a thread for suggestions, just gauging how interested/angered people were by it.