Realizations at 33

[Vengeance1701]

One of the biggest things you realize is that by being single, without kids, working a job with odd hours.... you become a virtual outcast to those with the husbands and wives and the 2.5 kids and the 9-5 jobs. They don't mean to do it, of course. But I'm sure I'm just this strange creature who they just can't identify with anymore. I'm reasonably certain I'm still who I always have been but.... now to them that just isn't the same or right somehow.

No regrets about it, just something I've learned to accept. I've tried keeping in touch but it's been all my effort, none on theirs. Don't really have a place to vent about it but here, I suppose.

[Rachel Bronwyn]

I heard about this guy called Jesus for whom 33 was really terrible.

In all seriousness, how have the last few years been? Because they've suuuuuuuucked for me. Twenty-three and twenty-four were the worst years of my life. Twenty-five has been shit thus far though not as bad as previous years as good things have happened AND I've still got time to save it. It's just too early to formulate a conclusion. That's not to say anyone should feel sorry for me. I'm not trying to garner sympathy. I'm a somewhat fundamentally unhappy person so that I don't enjoy birthdays or being some ages isn't a big deal for me. Twenty-three and twenty-four stand out as having been particularly horrible birthdays and years though. Or was it just 2011 and 2012 that really sucked? I don't know.

I'm asking when it gets easier.

[Vengeance1701]

Depends how you take it, really. I used to get upset but....well, not much point to it. I constantly try to improve my life and to take moments of peace where I can and do the best I can as a friend. If it works, great, if not, well, that just has to be fine, too. Most of all, I have learned to enjoy the world around me, just keep learning.

[vincent_richter]

Honestly, I find it difficult to adjust to "normal" schedules, too.
I used to go clubbing and hit Denny's around 3am; these days, I just chill at home, make some karaoke videos to tracks that don't have any, and pass out ~8 hours before my next shift.
Wish I could find some way to make that shit pay cash money...

[Bozo]

Just remember that there are always going to be those moments when your married buddies will be jealous of you and your freedom. And when half of them get divorced (just stats, sorry), they're REALLY going to wanna talk to you more.

Small disasters are easy to manage if you just put blinders on. The sort of chronic tragedy you guys are talking about is difficult. I went through a very dark period like that once in my early 20s, as well. It helps to go a little insane, honestly. Start getting ideas like you have a calling, like you are fearless, like you can do anything. If that thinking DOESN'T lead you to the conclusions that you should go on a mass shooting spree, then you've won. If it does, calmly seek mental health services.

[OhZone]

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[danielsangeo]

I don't know if it helps at all but I'm really jealous of you and Bozo, Rach.

EDIT: Hm, maybe "jealous" is the wrong word. Perhaps "envious" would work better in this context.

[Rachel Bronwyn]

Being too busy to spend any time with one another and, even when you have time, being on opposite sides of the continent and broke? That's what you're jealous of? It's nothing against Bozo and no regrets but I would think from the outside looking in it would be an unenviable situation. As previously stated though, I'm not unhappy about it. It's sort of exactly what I need. It's definitely not contributing to my life being shitty.

[danielsangeo]

Meanwhile, you have someone. I have no one, currently.

[thrandrall]

I hit 33 in a few months. Still single...always have been. (been thinking that it might be my natural state....I mean, I think I had a date in high school, but even that was kinda iffy).

In my line of work (military at the moment), it's a little weirder too. I know plenty of folks who meet, get married, etc - all while holding jobs similar to mine, but I can't even begin to imagine the process. I socialize fine at work - deal with hundreds of folks every day on all kinds of issues, but the moment I get in my car - I'm on my own (and glad to be away from everyone else) - till the next day. Of course most of the other officers can't seem to understand why I wouldn't want to hang out with them on the weekend (never mind the fact that I just spent 6 months cooped up with them on the same ship 24/7 - being forced to go out in town with them during port calls (to bars, clubs, etc - that I would never choose to do on my own), etc.)

Talking to a therapist about this and related social issues - not that I see it as a hindrance per se, but I wouldn't mind engaging more with people in the long term. I had great friends in high school and college, stay in touch occasionally now, but nothing close by. This tour is only 18 months - back to the mainland in July...then maybe 2 or 3 years straight in one place...might be easier for some things...maybe not.

At this point, single might be my natural state...and it doesn't really bother me that much...weirdly enough.

[OhZone]

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[vincent_richter]

That's really the beauty of modern science, though: you can keep your gold star and have kids, too. The decision of whether you want to continue the lifestyle, though, is ultimately yours to make.