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01-11-2012
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#1 |
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Fetish Writer
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 321
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Lots of Growing to Do by praedatorius (Offsite)
I haven't done straight-up TG in a long time, so this was a real treat to write. Hopefully I'll post more chapters soon, but in the meantime enjoy the first chapter.
Manny ceaslessly torments his classmate, Betty, and as a result faces her wrath. Cliche: yes, but with much more to come! http://praedatorius.deviantart.com/a...er-1-278909920
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She smiled. ...The fragrant breeze drifted up from the sea again. A magician wandered along the beach, but no one needed him. -Douglas Adams |
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01-11-2012
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#2 |
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Process Disciple
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 1,276
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Re: Lots of Growing to Do by praedatorius
Alright so far... can't really tell how old they're supposed to be...
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http://chaosecho.deviantart.com/ Me on DeviantART. I upload my stuff over there. Pretty much dead though. |
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01-11-2012
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#3 |
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Prince of the Trailerpark
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 237
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Re: Lots of Growing to Do by praedatorius
Really enjoyed this one. The process is well paced, and although I've seen a lot of stories use clothes to foreshadow a transformation, you take it to the next level. The clothes themselves become the device by which he's transformed, squeezing his body into a new shape. Look forward to seeing where you take this!
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01-12-2012
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#4 |
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Frequent Poster
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 402
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Re: Lots of Growing to Do by praedatorius
Very nice, can't wait for chapter 2
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Gorp. Thorp. |
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01-13-2012
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#5 |
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"My way of thanking you"
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 401
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Re: Lots of Growing to Do by praedatorius
Nicely written with some actual three dimensional characters. Anxious to see where this goes very nice work so far.
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01-14-2012
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#6 |
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Frequent Poster
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 132
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Re: Lots of Growing to Do by praedatorius
Great story, but littered with grammatical oversights and errors (? la "Luis's", or Bronie/Bronia's name change, or accidentally saying a clause twice).
A thorough proof-read would do wonders, though it's not like it is terrible right now--just not perfect. |
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01-14-2012
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#7 |
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Fetish Writer
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 321
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Re: Lots of Growing to Do by praedatorius
Thanks for the heads up. The change from Bronia to Bronie was intentional, actually, but I'll take care of the other stuff.
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She smiled. ...The fragrant breeze drifted up from the sea again. A magician wandered along the beach, but no one needed him. -Douglas Adams |
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01-17-2012
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#8 |
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Happiness in detachment
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 441
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Re: Lots of Growing to Do by praedatorius
Kind of hoping this turns into a 'lesson learned, new friends are made' kind of story in the end.
But not before Manny gets what's coming to him/her. Got a lot of work ahead of her before she becomes a good girl. |
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