The Collection, The Beginning (Story)

[Infidel]

Hello all, a short story and prequel to 'The collection' Read the orginal at Overflowingbra.com (Author name; BEman) Enjoy.


*Contains BE, mental transformation, weird transformation (mild)

[Vengeance1701]

Ah, I remember that story.... I'll read with hopes you provide as enjoyable a story Will edit post later after I do!

[Vengeance1701]

Alright.....the good, the bad and the ugly.

Good? Process was like with the last one pretty well done.

The bad and the ugly? You really need someone to edit for you. The grammar was wrong and some elements defied internal believability.

IE: 1) a high school teacher is not likely to wave at her students, unless she was incredibly weird.

and

2) Beth started as a B, how could she grow TO a B?

Other than that, it sets up the main story fairly well.

[Infidel]

Originally Posted by Vengeance1701

Alright.....the good, the bad and the ugly.

Good? Process was like with the last one pretty well done.

The bad and the ugly? You really need someone to edit for you. The grammar was wrong and some elements defied internal believability.

IE: 1) a high school teacher is not likely to wave at her students, unless she was incredibly weird.

and

2) Beth started as a B, how could she grow TO a B?

Other than that, it sets up the main story fairly well.

As for the teacher, she was more of an rebel than one should be at her age and profession. I wrote that first part a long time ago, and I wasn't sure to crop it out or not. I decided to keep it in, to give more of a feel to Beth. As for the growth, I must of made some kind of mistake. And yes, I need someone to edit. Though I thought I got most of the major and basics...

[Vengeance1701]

Well, major and basics? Eh, not really. Your tenses tend to get muddled and your word choice sometimes suffers. I'm not trying to be mean, Infidel These are mistakes which usually ruin the experience for the reader.