Sympathy - story idea/preview

JusticeDuck · 10-12-2007

Hello all.

As I've said before, I can't draw and I'm not particularly good at finding new videos or pictures online, so the only way I can really make any sort of worthwhile contribution to these forums is to write. Some time ago, I wrote a story called Jenny And The Goblin that at least a few people seemed to like. I'm working on a new story now, and I've decided to post a preview here to get some feedback.

The reason I'm just posting this small piece is that I'm pretty busy and it can be difficult to make myself set aside time to sit down and write. Hearing a few opinions on a small snippet of the story and on the idea itself will a) help me to know whether the story is even worth finishing and b) help motivate me to actually finish it, if people are anticipating it.

The setting is this: A young girl named Sympathy is very good at sensing the distress of other people around her, and knowing exactly what it is they need, in order to get over their problems and get on with things. When someone needs a kind word, she knows exactly what to say. If someone needs a friend, she knows exactly how to go about being it. As she's grown older, her ability to discern what people need and then find a way to give it to them has grown, to the point that it's a bit uncanny. Her desire to help people is so strong that if she can't, she becomes horribly depressed and obsessed with helping until she finds a way to do it. But what happens when it really is impossible?

Here's a small bit of the story. This isn't the beginning. It's just a little cut to give an idea of where I'm going with this.
________________

Sympathy rushed into the house, slammed the door and charged upstairs, her chest heavy with the familiar ache of pity.

"Sympathy!" her mother called. "Are you all right?"

"Fine, mom!" she called back, trying without much success to steady her voice. "I'm fine."

"You sound like you've been crying. Are you..."

"Mom, I'm FINE! Just banged my elbow!" Sympathy yelled, barely able to keep her composure. She rushed into her room and slammed the door behind her before her mother could pester her further. Sobbing, she slumped against the inside of her door, letting herself sink down to the floor.

That poor boy. She couldn't get the image of him out of her head. Why were they so cruel to him? He wasn't that bad. In fact, he was rather nice. Very nice. Probably one of the nicest guys she'd ever met. And it wasn't just the usual sort of niceness either. He wasn't simply inoffensive and pleasant, he was genuinely kind. And interesting. He knew so many interesting, unusual things. He was pretty cute, too. Very cute, in fact. Not in the conventional sort of way, but combined with his personality, he had a certain special appeal that those other girls apparently just couldn't see. Likely, because they weren't even willing to look. They didn't want to make the effort because they knew they didn't have to. If only there were something she could do. Find someone for him somehow and set him up with someone who'd be able to see what was so special about him. But she didn't know anyone his age. If only she were older, she'd date him in a heartbeat. If only she were older.

Older...

Why did she have to be so much younger than him? Being young had been an annoyance before, but never like this. Girls simply didn't see this wonderful young man for who he was. None of them. Except her. And she was too young. It wasn't fair. It just wasn't fair at all. The ache in her chest increased, and she broke into a fresh fit of sobbing. A good cry sometimes made her feel better, but occasionally, her desire to help someone was so strong that the only thing that would make it go away was to do something about it. But this time, she couldn't. It wasn't just a friend he needed, or a kind word. He needed a girl to show interest in him. A girl his own age. She was only eleven. She could do nothing. But she needed to. She HAD to. The ache of sympathy in her chest was growing, and she felt almost as if her heart would burst. She had to DO something. But there was only one thing she COULD do, and she was too young. But she had to do something. She couldn't. She had to. She couldn't. SHE HAD TO. She clutched at her head and began to sob even louder.. She couldn't not help someone who was so close to her. The very thought was inconceivable. But The only way she could help was to be older. She was beginning to descend into panic. She had forgotten that what she needed was impossible. All she knew was that there was only one way for her to help, and to accomplish it, she needed to grow.

Grow...

Ever so slowly, the ache in her chest began to spread. It crept into her arms and legs, and her muscles began to cramp. She needed to grow. That was all that mattered. It was the only thing she could do, so she had to do it.

Grow...

She stretched her legs out in front of her, gritting her teeth. The ache spread throughout her legs, extending to the tips of her toes, and all through her arms, to her very fingernails.

Grow...

Her muscles began to spasm. Her arms twitched and her legs jerked spasmodically. Such a wonderful guy. He didn't deserve to be treated so unfairly. Didn't deserve it... He needed to see that he could be loved. He needed a girl. None would look at him. She needed to be that girl. To be that girl, she needed to be older. She needed to grow... grow... grow... GROW...

“Ggggrrrrrroooooowwwww,” she moaned, her legs and arms twitching. Her heart wanted her body to do the impossible, and her body was protesting mightily, but it was losing its argument. Sympathy was well named. She had a heart stronger than any other in the world. And she would do what it told her to, no matter what.

“GGGGGRRRRROOOOOOWWWWWW!” she almost shouted, no longer caring whether her mother heard her. And slowly, ever so slowly, she felt her legs begin to creep across the floor. Millimeter by millimeter, her body was doing the impossible. She was growing.
________________

So, what do you think? Would anyone be interested in seeing the whole thing? If this does well enough, I'm even toying with the idea of multiple stories focusing on Sympathy and her unusual ability, featuring several different kinds of transformations.

SSJAzazel · 10-12-2007

Ah, very nice! I think that's a very cool angle to come from, and would certainly be interested in seeing the rest.

theperv584 · 10-12-2007

You are a great writer. Loved your previous story. Good luck!

Vengeance1701 · 10-13-2007

Yeah, I'm a fan of the Duck! Great angle

What's the schedule on this one..?

Yes, forcing you to think ahead, muahahaahahah, take that, procrastination!

ChedPal64 · 10-13-2007

Wow, that's awesome.
Just awesome. I love your writing, dude.
More of this would be much appreciated, Justice Duck!

Abazaba · 10-13-2007

Awesome, more would be greatly appreciated. You are a great writer who pays great attention to detail. I really like the idea of her willing or forcefully willing herself to grow/age. Its a new spin that would be very interesting to see fleshed out into a full story.

gammera1976 · 10-14-2007

Interesting. Would like to read more

notorius · 10-14-2007

Justice Duck's works are teh pwnage! Keep it up man!

10-15-2007

Would love to see more of this.

bacattack · 10-16-2007

Can't wait to read the whole fic.I'm glad there's actually some heart in this one alongside the gratuitousness of AP. Hopefully Sympathy succeeds, though I wonder how her mother will react . . .

JusticeDuck · 10-18-2007

Thanks for the kind comments, all.

Just wanted to let everyone know that I am working on it, and it's coming along nicely. Slowly, but nicely. I look forward to posting it when I finish. Hopefully, it won't take too long.

cherrion · 10-21-2007

great work as others have said, I look forward to reading it.

10-12-2007	#1
JusticeDuck Cause John Law's a quack. Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 38	Sympathy - story idea/preview Hello all. As I've said before, I can't draw and I'm not particularly good at finding new videos or pictures online, so the only way I can really make any sort of worthwhile contribution to these forums is to write. Some time ago, I wrote a story called Jenny And The Goblin that at least a few people seemed to like. I'm working on a new story now, and I've decided to post a preview here to get some feedback. The reason I'm just posting this small piece is that I'm pretty busy and it can be difficult to make myself set aside time to sit down and write. Hearing a few opinions on a small snippet of the story and on the idea itself will a) help me to know whether the story is even worth finishing and b) help motivate me to actually finish it, if people are anticipating it. The setting is this: A young girl named Sympathy is very good at sensing the distress of other people around her, and knowing exactly what it is they need, in order to get over their problems and get on with things. When someone needs a kind word, she knows exactly what to say. If someone needs a friend, she knows exactly how to go about being it. As she's grown older, her ability to discern what people need and then find a way to give it to them has grown, to the point that it's a bit uncanny. Her desire to help people is so strong that if she can't, she becomes horribly depressed and obsessed with helping until she finds a way to do it. But what happens when it really is impossible? Here's a small bit of the story. This isn't the beginning. It's just a little cut to give an idea of where I'm going with this. ________________ Sympathy rushed into the house, slammed the door and charged upstairs, her chest heavy with the familiar ache of pity. "Sympathy!" her mother called. "Are you all right?" "Fine, mom!" she called back, trying without much success to steady her voice. "I'm fine." "You sound like you've been crying. Are you..." "Mom, I'm FINE! Just banged my elbow!" Sympathy yelled, barely able to keep her composure. She rushed into her room and slammed the door behind her before her mother could pester her further. Sobbing, she slumped against the inside of her door, letting herself sink down to the floor. That poor boy. She couldn't get the image of him out of her head. Why were they so cruel to him? He wasn't that bad. In fact, he was rather nice. Very nice. Probably one of the nicest guys she'd ever met. And it wasn't just the usual sort of niceness either. He wasn't simply inoffensive and pleasant, he was genuinely kind. And interesting. He knew so many interesting, unusual things. He was pretty cute, too. Very cute, in fact. Not in the conventional sort of way, but combined with his personality, he had a certain special appeal that those other girls apparently just couldn't see. Likely, because they weren't even willing to look. They didn't want to make the effort because they knew they didn't have to. If only there were something she could do. Find someone for him somehow and set him up with someone who'd be able to see what was so special about him. But she didn't know anyone his age. If only she were older, she'd date him in a heartbeat. If only she were older. Older... Why did she have to be so much younger than him? Being young had been an annoyance before, but never like this. Girls simply didn't see this wonderful young man for who he was. None of them. Except her. And she was too young. It wasn't fair. It just wasn't fair at all. The ache in her chest increased, and she broke into a fresh fit of sobbing. A good cry sometimes made her feel better, but occasionally, her desire to help someone was so strong that the only thing that would make it go away was to do something about it. But this time, she couldn't. It wasn't just a friend he needed, or a kind word. He needed a girl to show interest in him. A girl his own age. She was only eleven. She could do nothing. But she needed to. She HAD to. The ache of sympathy in her chest was growing, and she felt almost as if her heart would burst. She had to DO something. But there was only one thing she COULD do, and she was too young. But she had to do something. She couldn't. She had to. She couldn't. SHE HAD TO. She clutched at her head and began to sob even louder.. She couldn't not help someone who was so close to her. The very thought was inconceivable. But The only way she could help was to be older. She was beginning to descend into panic. She had forgotten that what she needed was impossible. All she knew was that there was only one way for her to help, and to accomplish it, she needed to grow. Grow... Ever so slowly, the ache in her chest began to spread. It crept into her arms and legs, and her muscles began to cramp. She needed to grow. That was all that mattered. It was the only thing she could do, so she had to do it. Grow... She stretched her legs out in front of her, gritting her teeth. The ache spread throughout her legs, extending to the tips of her toes, and all through her arms, to her very fingernails. Grow... Her muscles began to spasm. Her arms twitched and her legs jerked spasmodically. Such a wonderful guy. He didn't deserve to be treated so unfairly. Didn't deserve it... He needed to see that he could be loved. He needed a girl. None would look at him. She needed to be that girl. To be that girl, she needed to be older. She needed to grow... grow... grow... GROW... “Ggggrrrrrroooooowwwww,” she moaned, her legs and arms twitching. Her heart wanted her body to do the impossible, and her body was protesting mightily, but it was losing its argument. Sympathy was well named. She had a heart stronger than any other in the world. And she would do what it told her to, no matter what. “GGGGGRRRRROOOOOOWWWWWW!” she almost shouted, no longer caring whether her mother heard her. And slowly, ever so slowly, she felt her legs begin to creep across the floor. Millimeter by millimeter, her body was doing the impossible. She was growing. ________________ So, what do you think? Would anyone be interested in seeing the whole thing? If this does well enough, I'm even toying with the idea of multiple stories focusing on Sympathy and her unusual ability, featuring several different kinds of transformations. __________________ For malts, mankind and Corona with lime! Justice Duck Last edited by JusticeDuck; 10-12-2007 at 06:56 PM.

10-12-2007	#2
SSJAzazel I am..the Tree Tackler! Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 93	Ah, very nice! I think that's a very cool angle to come from, and would certainly be interested in seeing the rest. __________________ Dude...a signature. Yay.

10-12-2007	#3
theperv584 Do not feed trolls Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 160	You are a great writer. Loved your previous story. Good luck! __________________ A recent survey shows 4/3 of men who stare at breasts are bad in fractions.

10-13-2007	#4
Vengeance1701 Modest Moderator Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 3,998	Yeah, I'm a fan of the Duck! Great angle What's the schedule on this one..? Yes, forcing you to think ahead, muahahaahahah, take that, procrastination! __________________ Meh. Cranky and old.

10-13-2007	#6
Abazaba Frequent Poster Join Date: May 2005 Location: Long Beach CA Posts: 346	Awesome, more would be greatly appreciated. You are a great writer who pays great attention to detail. I really like the idea of her willing or forcefully willing herself to grow/age. Its a new spin that would be very interesting to see fleshed out into a full story. Last edited by Abazaba; 10-13-2007 at 07:36 PM.

10-13-2007	#5
ChedPal64 Process Fan Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 80	Wow, that's awesome. Just awesome. I love your writing, dude. More of this would be much appreciated, Justice Duck!

10-14-2007	#7
gammera1976 Process Master Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: West of Boston, MA Posts: 589	Interesting. Would like to read more

10-14-2007	#8
notorius ?3h B34r Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 94	Justice Duck's works are teh pwnage! Keep it up man! __________________ Help me by clicking the link below. http://change.bumrise.com/change_please/8340697/

10-15-2007	#9
mehappy Guest Posts: n/a	Would love to see more of this.

10-16-2007	#10
bacattack Gentle BE/GTS/FMG FTW Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 369	Can't wait to read the whole fic.I'm glad there's actually some heart in this one alongside the gratuitousness of AP. Hopefully Sympathy succeeds, though I wonder how her mother will react . . .

10-18-2007	#11
JusticeDuck Cause John Law's a quack. Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 38	Thanks for the kind comments, all. Just wanted to let everyone know that I am working on it, and it's coming along nicely. Slowly, but nicely. I look forward to posting it when I finish. Hopefully, it won't take too long. __________________ For malts, mankind and Corona with lime! Justice Duck

10-21-2007	#12
cherrion Leecher Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 8	great work as others have said, I look forward to reading it.