Basis for my contest Entry in the BE Story Thing!

Ninja In The Night · 04-09-2006

Alright guys, I don't want any of you to steal this ok? But I do wanna get at least one honest opinion at how my story is Thus far, & since I don't wanna spoil the theme (Particually since I don't have one yet) I won't share more than the first few chapters....

Note: All text & wording below was written & origially thought up by N.I.T.N.

Our story takes place in a little town that has not been named to protect the innocent somewhere in the far, far,
land of New Hampshire. Now, this town basically lived in 1980's, where people still greeted people & everyone in town knew
other to the point of where gossip spread faster than a forest fire on a windy day. But our story doesn't lie with the
townspeople, it lies with a Young girl at the ripe age of 17, nearly to adulthood in a mere two weeks, & having the worst
time of her life.

" Damn it, another one that doesn't work", stated the young girl as she threw a bottle of pills in the trash.

Our young heroine, named Emily Hart(No relation to the wrestler), has been cursed with being flat in all aspects,
& only a mere 5"2. Her mother, being a 5"8 Knockout, drove her insane to the point of where she began buying
anything & everything she could get her hands on to influence puberty to treat her right. She wanted to be taller,
bustier, & overall, just look more like a woman than a 13 year old tomboy. She sat in the pale moonlight on her bed,
once more crying herself to sleep as she has so many nights before, drifting to dreamland in a puddle of tears on her
pillow. Her dreams were her only escape from reality, school was hard for her because she felt like an outcast, too shy
to talk to boys, too angry at the girls for having figures, she kept to herself, alone & forgotten by the world.

Several days later, we find Emily surfing the BE Archive, staring at the women, & longing to be more like them.
She often found herself immersed in chat rooms in these type of sites, speaking with people about women with the
huge breasts which only furthered her longing to be more filled.

" Maybe this would work if I tried it again", Emily thought to herself as she opened the Wiccan's Book she purchased
on Ebay.

That night, nothing happened once more as she layed helplessly in her sleep, turning left to right in a dreamy
state. The next morning she finally found her package she had been waiting for. Ubranian Bust Gel, guaranteed to
make your bosom full or your money back, said the small but obscure label that only had this written on it. No company,
no warning, no number to call. Immediately she ran back to her room since today was a saturday, she could use the
cream on herself the entire day. She kept applying dose after dose, handful after handful, & slowly found herself getting
turned on to the idea that this could make her bigger. Soon, she fell asleep, shirt thrown aside, with her bosom wrapped
in a grey milky cream. That night, once again, nothing happened, & as she awoke she was angry & now has lost all hope
of ever being busty.

Soon Sunday, Monday, & Tuesday had passed uneventfully. The time slowly slipped away from her as she sat in
silence in her room staring at a pale blank cieling, wondering what to do with her life. Slowly she slipped into depression
over the next few days & began to lose care with the world around her. She stopped thinking about boys, she stopped
thinking about her family, in essence, she lost herself in a pitch darkness.

We now advance the time towards the next week just the day before her birthday, still in Depression, Emily
had slimmed down even more, with lack of appetite & lack of sunlight had un-tanned her skin to a pale peach color.
She had completely lost all feeling & spoke in a monotone voice whenever spoken to. She sat at the table eating a
small bowl of Honeycomb when her mom walked in.

" Emily, darling, what's the matter with you? I just got a call from the school saying your starting to GPA drop in nearly
all of your classes. Is there something wrong? You've just seem so cut off lately, I'm getting really worried." Emily's
Mother said tenderly.

Took me a few days, but this is all I have so far...

Prophet Tenebrae · 04-10-2006

Hmm - how much can I say without giving you an edge?

Actually, I think - in the interests of fairness - I'll say nothing. Except - you'll probably want to flesh that out a bit more... and hurry up, only 20 days left.

blues711 · 04-10-2006

Even though I would like to comment, I don't really think there's enough to actually comment on right now. So I guess I'm agreeing that it needs more, but at least it doesn't seem to have any blatantly obvious typos that I seem to see everywhere, especially in these stories, but even in some comics I've read here.

Ninja In The Night · 04-10-2006

Well, as I said, this is what I got so far, I wanna come up with something original, even if I don't win, I am gonna submit an entry just to see the expression on some people... Anyways, thanks for checking for typos, I'm writing on notepad, but I think the ruler is just a bit wider on my wordpad than the forum.... :P

04-09-2006	#1
Ninja In The Night Knight Of The Black Sword Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: In the forgotten era of man... Posts: 418	Basis for my contest Entry in the BE Story Thing! Alright guys, I don't want any of you to steal this ok? But I do wanna get at least one honest opinion at how my story is Thus far, & since I don't wanna spoil the theme (Particually since I don't have one yet) I won't share more than the first few chapters.... Note: All text & wording below was written & origially thought up by N.I.T.N. Our story takes place in a little town that has not been named to protect the innocent somewhere in the far, far, land of New Hampshire. Now, this town basically lived in 1980's, where people still greeted people & everyone in town knew other to the point of where gossip spread faster than a forest fire on a windy day. But our story doesn't lie with the townspeople, it lies with a Young girl at the ripe age of 17, nearly to adulthood in a mere two weeks, & having the worst time of her life. " Damn it, another one that doesn't work", stated the young girl as she threw a bottle of pills in the trash. Our young heroine, named Emily Hart(No relation to the wrestler), has been cursed with being flat in all aspects, & only a mere 5"2. Her mother, being a 5"8 Knockout, drove her insane to the point of where she began buying anything & everything she could get her hands on to influence puberty to treat her right. She wanted to be taller, bustier, & overall, just look more like a woman than a 13 year old tomboy. She sat in the pale moonlight on her bed, once more crying herself to sleep as she has so many nights before, drifting to dreamland in a puddle of tears on her pillow. Her dreams were her only escape from reality, school was hard for her because she felt like an outcast, too shy to talk to boys, too angry at the girls for having figures, she kept to herself, alone & forgotten by the world. Several days later, we find Emily surfing the BE Archive, staring at the women, & longing to be more like them. She often found herself immersed in chat rooms in these type of sites, speaking with people about women with the huge breasts which only furthered her longing to be more filled. " Maybe this would work if I tried it again", Emily thought to herself as she opened the Wiccan's Book she purchased on Ebay. That night, nothing happened once more as she layed helplessly in her sleep, turning left to right in a dreamy state. The next morning she finally found her package she had been waiting for. Ubranian Bust Gel, guaranteed to make your bosom full or your money back, said the small but obscure label that only had this written on it. No company, no warning, no number to call. Immediately she ran back to her room since today was a saturday, she could use the cream on herself the entire day. She kept applying dose after dose, handful after handful, & slowly found herself getting turned on to the idea that this could make her bigger. Soon, she fell asleep, shirt thrown aside, with her bosom wrapped in a grey milky cream. That night, once again, nothing happened, & as she awoke she was angry & now has lost all hope of ever being busty. Soon Sunday, Monday, & Tuesday had passed uneventfully. The time slowly slipped away from her as she sat in silence in her room staring at a pale blank cieling, wondering what to do with her life. Slowly she slipped into depression over the next few days & began to lose care with the world around her. She stopped thinking about boys, she stopped thinking about her family, in essence, she lost herself in a pitch darkness. We now advance the time towards the next week just the day before her birthday, still in Depression, Emily had slimmed down even more, with lack of appetite & lack of sunlight had un-tanned her skin to a pale peach color. She had completely lost all feeling & spoke in a monotone voice whenever spoken to. She sat at the table eating a small bowl of Honeycomb when her mom walked in. " Emily, darling, what's the matter with you? I just got a call from the school saying your starting to GPA drop in nearly all of your classes. Is there something wrong? You've just seem so cut off lately, I'm getting really worried." Emily's Mother said tenderly. Took me a few days, but this is all I have so far... __________________ Click here to feed me a Treat! Get your own at Pokeplushies!

04-10-2006	#2
Prophet Tenebrae Prophet Of Darkness Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: UK Posts: 1,792	Hmm - how much can I say without giving you an edge? Actually, I think - in the interests of fairness - I'll say nothing. Except - you'll probably want to flesh that out a bit more... and hurry up, only 20 days left. __________________ Female Transformation Chat! Female Transformation Uber Blog BE Story Club

04-10-2006	#4
Ninja In The Night Knight Of The Black Sword Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: In the forgotten era of man... Posts: 418	Well, as I said, this is what I got so far, I wanna come up with something original, even if I don't win, I am gonna submit an entry just to see the expression on some people... Anyways, thanks for checking for typos, I'm writing on notepad, but I think the ruler is just a bit wider on my wordpad than the forum.... :P __________________ Click here to feed me a Treat! Get your own at Pokeplushies!

04-10-2006	#3
blues711 Process Fan Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 40	Even though I would like to comment, I don't really think there's enough to actually comment on right now. So I guess I'm agreeing that it needs more, but at least it doesn't seem to have any blatantly obvious typos that I seem to see everywhere, especially in these stories, but even in some comics I've read here.