A short AR story (Old woman to young woman)

Sparks · 06-23-2013

Just a very short thing I wrote as a commission. It's my first Age Regression thing that I've written, so some criticism and feedback would be nice if anyone has anything to say.

wandering_spirit · 06-23-2013

For a short story, it was nice and... to the point. A little more detail would be nice, but all in all, you did pretty good.

bstgate · 06-23-2013

Good story and a great story idea, but it could have been elaborated much more. The changes could have been drawn out over several days, each day showing a younger Wii Fit age. She could have reacted to buying new workout clothes in between, noticing she needed tighter pants and a new bra for her firming breasts (and increasing chest girth?). People she knows could react to her increasingly youthful and fit appearance. She could start getting wolf whistles from young men. She could display increased physical prowess by being more energetic, going out for a run, or be able to lift furniture with surprising ease when she does her cleaning.

Also I think it's much more interesting to have her realize she is getting young and be enthusiastic about it, rather than being ignorant about it, but that's me.

The Wii Fit also lets you manually enter your waist size each day, to monitor progress. What if she accidentally entered a slightly too low number, and her waist instantly slimmed to match that? What if she saw it happen and made the connection? What if she tried meddling with her profile's "height" setting after that? Or if she modified her Mii's face?

06-23-2013	#1
Sparks Process Fan Join Date: Feb 2012 Posts: 32	A short AR story (Old woman to young woman) Just a very short thing I wrote as a commission. It's my first Age Regression thing that I've written, so some criticism and feedback would be nice if anyone has anything to say.

06-23-2013	#2
wandering_spirit Just a wanderer Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Montreal, Canada Posts: 2,073	Re: A short AR story (Old woman to young woman) For a short story, it was nice and... to the point. A little more detail would be nice, but all in all, you did pretty good. __________________ Follow my ongoing story, 'Upon a Star', on DeviantArt: http://medierth.deviantart.com/ "In this egotistic world in which we live in, it is sometimes to wonder if we shouldn't be like mirrors for others to deem us worthy to be looked at." - 'Le Chat'

06-23-2013	#3
bstgate Frequent Poster Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 327	Re: A short AR story (Old woman to young woman) Good story and a great story idea, but it could have been elaborated much more. The changes could have been drawn out over several days, each day showing a younger Wii Fit age. She could have reacted to buying new workout clothes in between, noticing she needed tighter pants and a new bra for her firming breasts (and increasing chest girth?). People she knows could react to her increasingly youthful and fit appearance. She could start getting wolf whistles from young men. She could display increased physical prowess by being more energetic, going out for a run, or be able to lift furniture with surprising ease when she does her cleaning. Also I think it's much more interesting to have her realize she is getting young and be enthusiastic about it, rather than being ignorant about it, but that's me. The Wii Fit also lets you manually enter your waist size each day, to monitor progress. What if she accidentally entered a slightly too low number, and her waist instantly slimmed to match that? What if she saw it happen and made the connection? What if she tried meddling with her profile's "height" setting after that? Or if she modified her Mii's face? Last edited by bstgate; 06-23-2013 at 11:07 AM.