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Unread 06-18-2009   #1
bahamad
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Fruits of Destiny - When It Rains, It Pours

The third portion of my attempt at writing this TF themed story.

Notably with this piece is the attempt to tell the story entirely from outside the point of view of the previous characters.

There is a planned supplemental for this particular chapter in the works.

Comments and criticism welcome here, via PM, or email.bahamad@gmail.com.

Thanks!
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Unread 06-26-2009   #2
bahamad
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Re: Fruits of Destiny - When It Rains, It Pours

Hey All - So somewhere around 1k views but no comments tells me the piece was pretty...blah.

Was there a particular scene which could have improved to make the story less blase? Something so painfully stereotypical or dialogue so trite you stopped reading?

Sorry to be feedback whore, but I really would like to improve at this and that's tough to do without knowing what the audience would like to see.

Thanks
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Unread 06-26-2009   #3
cpt soban
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Re: Fruits of Destiny - When It Rains, It Pours

We are left wondering the fate of strong man. We are all too fearful to ask about the fate of the awesome.

Also lurkers.

I thought it was fairly good. We are seeing far more snake tf action then gecko though.
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Unread 06-26-2009   #4
Pheonixflare
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Re: Fruits of Destiny - When It Rains, It Pours

Alright, the bus in the beginning seemed kind of cheasy. The other thing is that "-----" seemed really bad it didn't explain it at all. It made it hard to follow who you were at, or where you were. You know? I liked the characterization but I didn't like the ending part where the transformation begins, it didn't get explained much. I understand the mystery of it but why was she morphing other people?
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Unread 06-27-2009   #5
Anahki
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Re: Fruits of Destiny - When It Rains, It Pours

This is a good example of Bumping xD.
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Unread 06-27-2009   #6
bahamad
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Re: Fruits of Destiny - When It Rains, It Pours

Sorry, not intentionally bumping for the view count/visibility (just the feedback whoring ).

Thanks for the feedback on the lack of "why" and distinction of voice. I had tried to give the narratives a bit more characterization to separate the PoV's. Perhaps it would be better to add headings when there is no clear main character (or at least to demonstrate initial character introduction).

The Strong Man is perhaps a bit worse for the wear. I will plan on making his whereabouts better documented.
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