Billie

Akurei · 04-02-2007

Well aside from the obvious questions you put at the end of the text anyways, this was actually pretty good. I think off hand it might be a good idea to take out the few author's comments within the first two paragraphs. (Such as mentioning you play WOW and the line "Heh, well i did mentioned she 'only' looked like a 10 year old, all 4'2" of her." These seem a bit out of place.). Otherwise, this was pretty good. I especially liked how you did her bust expanding. That would be a good process to work further on. (The idea of them expanding as the blouse was opened.)

04-02-2007	#13
Akurei Evolved Hydralisk Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Space Posts: 60	Well aside from the obvious questions you put at the end of the text anyways, this was actually pretty good. I think off hand it might be a good idea to take out the few author's comments within the first two paragraphs. (Such as mentioning you play WOW and the line "Heh, well i did mentioned she 'only' looked like a 10 year old, all 4'2" of her." These seem a bit out of place.). Otherwise, this was pretty good. I especially liked how you did her bust expanding. That would be a good process to work further on. (The idea of them expanding as the blouse was opened.) __________________ "Secrets are the foundation of power."