Donkey TF experiments

[CantSaySeeSaw]

I can think of a partial tf as being something like that, but never a full one. One does not escape by enclosing themselves in just another type of prison. To be trapped within one's mind with no sense of autonomy is both terrifying and sadistic to me. It's worse than murder. Worse than death.

Also, I view the human condition as both a responsibility and a privilege. To abandon it is not to let go of strife, it is the abandonment of choice and an acceptance of ignorance. What do you truly gain, peace of mind? Not really, you don't have mind anymore. Unless you do then we are back at the prison analogy.

Anything less than your current mind is an elimination of your ability to choice. The complete destruction of your free will. You can't even argue the illusion of it.

A partial tf I can justify as an addition to one's humanity. A full realization of one's self. The visualization of the soul if you are so inclined. I don't like subtracting from someone is I guess what I'm getting at particular especially the mind.

To escape is to obtain freedom and establish more control of one's self. Freedom is fought for, not submitted to. "Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light."

My background is a bit rough. Not totally abusive, but undesirable and at the time unescapable. My mother was part of that wave of housewives who were prescribed, and became addicted to, oxycontin. My father (who stepped up to be a single parent when she left) is often difficult and quick to yell. My mother would occasionally hit me, and when I was a small child, I remember a few occasions where lines were definitely crossed. Family has told me that I appeared to be afraid of both of my parents, who loved me and were not complete monsters, and I think that's part of what "made" me this way. I was convinced my mother would know if I lied to her. In fact, one time she was pestering me about what I thought about when I touched myself (which is inappropriate and made me uncomfortable, but she thought I was gay and was not okay with it if I was) so when I said, "Well... I like people turning into animals" (super difficult to say aloud) she said, "No one else is like that. Don't tell anyone." I thought she meant no one touched themselves. A whole new level oppression began, where I would lay awake and try not to masturbate because I thought I was a freak. Luckily, I discovered TSA a few years later and it was a major life-changer to know I wasn't alone.

When you're stuck in a place where you anything you do might be wrong, and being wrong means you will be either be hit, cornered and screamed at, or embarrassed in some other way (one time, I cut my own hair, and before they took me to get it fixed, they drove me to my grandpa's house so they could laugh at me) becoming an animal is an escape. Yes, losing your humanity is worse then death, but that's part of the appeal for me. I don't usually like mind-change in my TF, but there is a huge appeal in being stuck in a body that is not mine.

I prefer alcohol, drug, and food triggers as well. Punishment for indulgence. In real life, I only drink occasionally, I eat healthy, I run a lot, I don't own many things, I listen to the people in charge. For a long time, I thought if I disobeyed, I would turn into a donkey, and so I always made sure to behave. It's only now, in my mid-twenties, that I've come around to not listening to people implicitly. I've come to the same conclusion as you-- freedom must be fought for.

I know this is maybe off-topic, didn't mean to get into a bunch of my personal shit, but maybe this will frame my TF identity a little better and encourage others to explore the root of their own.