I feel guilty

[Rachel Bronwyn]

Whatever you do, do NOT engage this person in dialogue prior to dealing with leftover feelings from the relationship.

Being traumatised by having dated a trans-gal is a choice. There are many other ways to respond to the situation. I hung out with a couple guys who more or less used me to solidify their homosexuality. My friends rip on me for being manly enough for gays to get with and suggested I turned men gay. Initially I was pretty mortified and thought the only people I could ever attract would be butch lesbians and closetted gay men, drawn to characteristics of mine that are traditionally associated with "manliness". Luckily, lots of males don't subscribe to social constructions of gender. I've got one who hasn't any interest in my being submissive to him and isn't threatened by my strength and directness, values his emotions, can be incredibly gentle and nurturing (probably a better parent in that regard than I) and is perfectly secure in his masculinity. I feel decidedly feminine despite fitting nearly none of the characteristics socially associated with my sex and gender.

I'd never suggest someone deny their feelings. If a woman is uncomfortable with having dated a biological male who identified as female, they're entitled to that emotional response. It's their responsibility to examine why they feel that way though and deal with it. I certainly don't expect the gay guys I dated to apologise to me or make me feel less masculine. Goodness knows, they didn't lie to me any more than they lied to themselves.