A Fedgling Writer Emerges

[morwalugi]

Originally Posted by Herr Onymous-Bosch

Just now found this thread. I wish that not only would people actually read the writing threads but they would comment on them. The lack of this discourages new writers. Most of the better writers actually appreciate it when you find errors and point it out and the lack of community interface can cause them not to submit their works, or in my case not bother in producing process material (though college has something to do with that too).

Its up to the authors to make sure they choose a community
that will react to the kind of story they hope to write.

If I know wanker people don't comment,yet still write a wanker story,
tough $hit.If I know the ivory tower types will write a
13 to 213 page university thesis on juicy schlangenfrau tales
(no process really) and write a schlangenfrau tale directed
at the ivory tower types,no surprise if a century from now
I'm still remembered.

[Sephie]

I'm ivory tower?

[Sephie]

The god liked to play with the lives of those who worshiped him and those who didn’t but most those that did.

Try not to start consecutive sentences with the same phrase. Also I am not certain what the red part of the sentence means.

The incident killed thousands and brought him into the mortal world.

This sentence feels disjointed as the previous sentence did not refer to an incident, and the one before that referred to it in different terms.

The people saw the god for the first time and he was laughing. He had yet realized he could be seen and continued as if nothing had happened. The people angry at the god banded together to bring him down. thus began the war of the mortals.

Again try not to repeat the opening frays. Also work on punctuation.

50 years after its start 80% of the people lie dead many more wounded and the god was shattered into 6 pieces.

Try to keep the tenses consistent.

These pieces held his powers over the elements upon breaking apart from one another they took flight to the corners of the world where curious and greedy people grabbed them.

This is a run on sentence.

[budthedog]

Backfired in this context is actually one word.

[Gagecoalbrace]

Thanks this is just what I was hoping for I love it when people tell me what Im doing wrong so I can learn from my mistakes and improve thanks again ill get working on the V.4 then with these edits you have proposed.