New TF Story

[kaiyotea]

First, this is an awesome story. Thank you for allowing us into your world. I would have gotten in on this thread earlier but I didn't realize that you were posting the story here. I was following the updates at http://spiralingstaircase.deviantart.com/

It reminds me favorably of an old SF book I picked up in a used book store some years ago where the female main character was slowly transformed into an alien lizard-like creature. Yours is far more dynamic and engaging.

I love the way The Flesh is portrayed as not evil but simply inhuman. That it has no sense of morality or decency to appeal to, just practicality.

Mary having moments of fun with the whole thing makes the serious moments hit that much harder. Since we are seeing things from her perspective and know what The Body wants we, like Mary, can fail to appreciate how alien and frightening it is for everyone else.

Katie being decidedly *not* OK with the whole part-of-the-collective mentality as well as being Mary's conscience, with the whole kidnapping the nurse turn of events. That being in a tough situation does not excuse you from doing the right thing is both great and realistic. It really grounds the story and draws the reader in.

I also enjoy the way things go from Funny -> Annoying -> Scary so quickly. It has kind of culminated with both Katie reverting while at school and coming to the realization that she can never be more than 3 days away from Mary for the rest of her life. I mean they're friends and all but forever?

As well as the whole subservience thing. No matter how much you know or trust someone you would never give them that kind of power over you. And made doubly scary by Katie's accusation that Mary is no longer acting like the Mary she was only two days ago. She tells Katie that she didn't do it on purpose but how can Katie be sure what Mary is saying is the truth? How can she be sure that this really is Mary at all? As she demonstrated to Katie she is just a bunch of tentacles and when she no longer has a heart, bones or a brain is it really her any longer? Is she really Mary or just a pile of tentacles that looks and sounds like Mary? What was initially funny when Katie called her 'silly putty' has now become very frightening.

Mary is still holding on to the notion that she can somehow be cured when physically there is nothing left of her old form. Despite the facts that when she moves there are no bones involved, when she speaks she isn't using lungs and when she thinks there are no longer a brain or synapses there. I can't wait to see how she reacts when she realizes this. Whether the story ends happily or tragically it will be eagerly read.

[SoylentOrange]

I think that's the best compliment/critique of the story I've had yet.

I'm glad to see someone recognize and appreciate the emotional and moral complexity I'm trying to work into the story. It's hard to balance trying to make the transformations sexy and interesting without having the story suffer for it. Thanks a lot.

[TheUnies]

I have really been enjoying your story. I especially like how your try to avoid mental conversions. I agree with you that it is worse than rape in some ways. I personally would rather have my arms and legs chopped off rather than have my mind tampered with. I am wondering though, The Flesh seems to have the ability to reason and has some base emotions such as fear, do you plan on making The Flesh a dynamic character with the possibility to get complex emotions such as jealousy, or leave it as a static character only wanting more food and begrudgingly following the will of The Mind?

As for the recent turn of events concerning the nurse, I don't see her really going anywhere, as she most likely will always be stuck inside the apartment unless her mind is change even more. But considering how you have worked with the characters so far I assume that you have a plan for her.

I also would like to ask, have you addressed or plan too address what happens when the entire food supply of a planet is consumed by The Flesh? Would it become self sustaining, turn cannibalistic or just escape the planet leaving it an empty husk barren of life bar microorganisms?

Keep Up the good work.

[SoylentOrange]

Originally Posted by TheUnies

I also would like to ask, have you addressed or plan too address what happens when the entire food supply of a planet is consumed by The Flesh? Would it become self sustaining, turn cannibalistic or just escape the planet leaving it an empty husk barren of life bar microorganisms?

When the Flesh has consumed everything it can on a planet, the mass forms into several volcano-like "Launchers" that spit the meteorite "seeds" into deep space. While it's inevitable that most of them will impact on liefless planets or be sucked into the gravitational pull of a sun, eventually one of them will peg into a life-sustaining world and the process can begin again.

[SoylentOrange]

Sneak peek at an upcoming character:

http://test-0.deviantart.com/art/Someone-New-97250955

[geneticks]

Interesting...teh nurse is comin' !

[SoylentOrange]

Originally Posted by geneticks

Interesting...teh nurse is comin' !

Close, but no cigar.

[SoylentOrange]

Not the longest update, but we finally get to see what The Body did to Shandra...

And what happens when you try to deprive The Flesh of food for too long. @_@
=======================================
Mary woke to the disorienting sensation of recieving two different sets of sensory input, the detatched sensation of impacts and yelling being picked up by her Lair. As her senses cleared, she could hear Shandra in the living room, making unintelligable yelps and snarls like some sort of raving lunatic. Mary lunged out of bed, wondering what on earth was going on. When she came into the living room, she halted in shock, not knowing how to process what she was seeing.
Shandra was thrashing around in a veritable frenzy, reaching, straining towards the kitchen like she was posessed. She was reaching, pulling, the fleshy, looped appendage coming back off her head pulling mightily against the tentacle "leash" that tied her to Mary's lair. Mary could see scratch and maybe even bite marks on the corner of the dividing wall, as Shandra tried desperately to pull herself around it and into the kitchen. Shandra snarled as she whipped back around to the wall of her lair, grabbing her tentacle-leash and pulling on it as hard as she could, yanking on it with her entire body. In the early-morning light coming through her blinds, Shandra looked like some kind of monster, any semblance of control or restraint in her movements obliterated in her feral urgency.
"Shandra!" Mary said, taking a cautious step forward.
Shandra's head whipped around to look at Mary, Shandra diving for her bodily until her leash yanked her head back. Mary jumped back as Shandra reached out to her, practically snarling out her words.
"Hungry!" She gasped, reaching out to Mary. "Please! So hungry..." Shandra lost her footing and slipped to the floor, scrambling back to her feet and lunging for the dividing wall again.
"Shandra, calm down!" Mary said, agog at her struggles.
"Please..." Shandra moaned, looking around the dividing wall. "I- I'm so hungry. Can't stand it! So hungry! You've never been this hungry..."
Mary could see tears in Shandra's eyes and drool streaking the corners of her mouth. She was desperate, wild, and worst of all frightened. Mary snapped the leash loose with a thought, and Shandra dove for the refridgerator, throwing the door open with such force a few of the condiments in the door jumped out of it, clattering to the ground as she grabbed whatever was closest to her, stuffing it in her mouth with the kind of urgency Mary would expect out of someone who had been starving in the desert. Mary watched, awestruck at Shandra's fervor.

It was a good five minutes before Shandra slowed down, and Mary's refridgerator was almost cleaned out- just about everything within arm's reach of the floor where Shandra had fallen was gone, a mess of wrappers and containers pooled around her. Shandra wiped her face on her sleeve, apparently back to her senses now that she'd been fed.
"Are... are you okay?" Mary asked.
Shandra slowly shook her head back and forth, looking like she was drunk or otherwise impaired.
"I..." She started, running her hands over her face one more time. "I've never been so hungry. It was all I could think about, all I could work towards."
Mary frowned. "That's the parasite."
"Did- did you ever-"
"See for yourself," Mary said, pointing to the chewed-away countertop. Shandra just stared, slack-jawed. "Here, lemme help you up," Mary said, reaching a pair of tentacles around Shandra's wrists and hoisting her to her feet. Shandra, apparently still too dazed to resist or complain, just stood there, rubbing her stomach, which was now so Distended it looked like she was attached to a large garbage bag that had been inflated. Mary reached a hand up to comb it through her hair, but paused when she remembered pulling Shandra up with her tentacles. She hadn't thought to make her arms into tentacles. They just did it automatically, as soon as she though "Pull Shandra up" her arms had changed of their own volition. No, that wasn't right, not their own volition- hers. Mary shivered as she realized using the tentacles had seemed the natural thing to do.

Mary's introspection was cut short when Shandra suddenly doubled over, or at least as doubled as her huge stomach allowed, groaning in pain.
"Hnnnng!" She said through gritted teeth, grabbing her stomach. She rocked back, thudding against the dividing wall and sliding down to the floor as another jolt of pain made her moan again. Mary's eyes popped as she saw ripples run across the green flesh of Shandra's belly, like something moving just underneath the surface of a lake.
"Uhhh... Uhnnngghh!" She groad, her hands snapping from the stomach down to her pants, the zipper for which had to be excavated from under her ponderous midsection. She hurriedly scooted out of her pants and underwear, the garments bunching up around her knees.
"Urrr!" She grunted again, before she began taking deep breaths through her mouth, just like she was going into-
"Labor," Mary breathed as the pieces fit in. "You're going into labor."
Either Shandra didn't hear or was too occupied with the turmoil in her abdomen. Mary could see the outline of tentacles buldging against her skin from the outside, as the food she'd eaten was being turned into tentacles at an astonishing rate.
"Ohhh God," she moaned, both hands disappearing beneath her stomach, "Somethings-nnngh- something's coming ouuuut!"
With a wet splash, a literal torrent of tentacles surged out of Shandra, the slimy, worm-like appendages flattening against the floor and pooling, twining together into a patch of lair-floor a few feet from the original. Mary looked at Shandra sympathetically as another contraction birthed more tentacles, the mat of ropey green flesh growing outwards. Shandra's face was contorted as only the emotionally overloaded could manage. Pain, fear, disgust, shame, and- if Mary's own experiences expelling tentacles was any indication- perhaps a bit of pleasure.
"Urrgh! Hrnnngh!" With every push, more and more tentacles flooded out of her, their numbers astonishing Mary.
"Ah, so the meat is well-suited to aiding reporduction. Your counsel was most helpful." Mary heard The Body say. She winced as she recalled what she'd said to The Body to keep her from eating Shandra at Katie's car and sighed. At least she was alive...
"H-h-ho-oh my God..." Shandra whimpered as she rocked back and forth, clutching her stomach, which while now less ponderous still appeared as though she were smuggling a mid-sized beachball under her skin. The torrent of tentacles had slowed, though Mary could see Shandra tensing up occasionally, heralding a lone straggling tentacle joining the growing expanse of her lair.
"Ohmygod... ohmygod..." Shandra repeated, breathing the words out as tears ran down her face. Mary took a tenative step toward Shandra, which caused her to flinch away, curling up into the fetal position as best she could given her stomach.
"Shandra...?" Mary asked, bending over her. "Shandra, are you okay?"
"Wha' didja do ta me?" Shandra whimpered, mouth still pulled tight in a sobbing grimmace.
Mary sighed. "The same thing the parasite did to me," She said, sitting down next to her. Mary reached a hand out to Shandra's head, but she recoiled away at the touch. Mary heard shandra grunt as her knees pressed up against her stomach, followed quickly by the wet slap of another tentackle escaping her body. Shandra sobbed, and Mary reached out again. This time, Shandra didn't tense up at Mary's touch, and she ran her hand along Shandra's bald head, petting her like one would a skittish dog.
""I..." Shandra started, before taking in a long, shuddering breath. "I'm sc-scared."
"I'm here," Mary whispered, petting her head.
"But it's- it's your fault," Shandra said, still hitching breaths, if a bit slower than before.
"I'm still here for you," Mary whispered, continuing her gentle minstrations.
Shandra didn't reply, but Mary saw her shoulders relax a little bit. Mary gently pushed at her lair, a lump of tentacles slowly pushing up to support Shandra's head where she lay. Mary leaned back against the dividing wall herself, closing her eyes. As she was about to go back to sleep, she moved one of her teneacles back around Shandra's braid- tight enough to keep her from fleeing, but long enough to allow her to get to the refridgerator by herself.

[hmmm!]

Nothing short of brilliant, you are.

Now here's my contribution; a new picture uploaded to my previous post!

This one: http://www.process-productions.com/f...4&postcount=99

[SoylentOrange]

What, no one has anything to say about Shandra?

[GenYun]

Originally Posted by SoylentOrange

What, no one has anything to say about Shandra?

To be honest I saw that one coming. Not that it wasn't an unwelcome turn of events.

[kaiyotea]

Originally Posted by SoylentOrange

Not the longest update, but we finally get to see what The Body did to Shandra...

And what happens when you try to deprive The Flesh of food for too long. @_@
=======================================

I love the impossible quandary in which you have put Mary. Shandra points out the huge, gaping holes in Mary's plan. And she is correct. The idea of feeding vague, nebulous information to the CDC in the hope that they can identify a completely alien disease/organism and tell her how to eliminate it *via e-mail* is colossally stupid. Well, perhaps not stupid, but overly optimistic.

But, interestingly, it is the kind of plan that might be plausible in most transformation fiction. I am interested to see how that develops as you have already dispensed with one of the other common tropes of transformation fiction: that when strange/sexy transformations happen everyone either goes along with it or enjoys it. The situation with Shandra is drawing a distinct line in the sand. This is not Sexy Fun Time. Shandra's transformation was, like Katie's, not voluntary and in addition it is embarrassing and humiliating and she is not compliant.

It will never work but either Mary is desperately clinging to this idea as her only hope for preventing an apocalypse or she fully expects that it will not likely work but if she doesn't do *something* then she would be wracked with guilt.

We have seen that there are some parts of this whole thing that Mary likes and she a lot less creeped out now than before. More familiarity means less strange and less strange means less fear. Maybe some part of her doesn't *want* to stop The Flesh and its plan, and these e-mails are her way of "doing something" so she can say "Look at me. I'm making an effort" to avoid crushing guilt for compliance in all this. We don't know yet if Mary has realized that stopping The Flesh will mean her death as well. If she does realize this then maybe she is being halfhearted in her efforts because *she* is afraid of dying as well. If she hasn't yet then I look forward to the moment in the story when she does! Also looking forward to the ramifications of the death of the repairman. I mean she killed someone! Granted she wasn't in control of herself but still...

Though, Mary has a point or two on her side as well. She knows that if The Body ever feels seriously threatened then she will not be able to reason with it or control it, and limit its danger to others. And she has to keep it ignorant for as long as possible. If it ever realized how powerful it is relative to the rest of the planet's inhabitants it would surely enter ENDGAME MODE. And if that happens, say goodbye to every other living thing on the planet.

Have I mentioned how much I love this story yet? The intrinsic conflict is awesome. It's Alien vs Humans and there is no good solution. If the alien wins, then humans go away forever. If humans win then say goodbye to Mary. And Mary is our protagonist. We get her POV. We Identify with her and we want her to come out on top. But if she wins then we loose.