Attribute Theft/Transfer

[godleydemon]

lol yeah I know I keep saying I'm going to write just been so damn hectic with the kids, lol. and now I have a job <.< been a stay at home dad for the past 3 yrs so we'll see what happens now with the job.

[LOD]

http://www.process-productions.com/f...d.php?p=459776

looks like Lara croft is a very giving person....

[full metal hulk]

http://hocuspukeus.deviantart.com/ar...-LGD-158276403

[Janus Steel]

Hey Folks,

I've been working on this story for the last three weeks. I'm half way finished. I'm at 22,000 words. Just 23,000 short of where I plan to finish this.

I wanted to share this, I've bounced this a few times off of Max to see what he thinks. I was hoping to get some more reactions.

I have a few questions I'd like to ask though.

1. Do the character personalities change via the attribute changes like I hope.
2. Is anyone put off about the fantasy/D&D aspect in modern times
3. Any suggestions before I get to Mirlinth's revenge/discovery?
4. Any general suggestions on how to make the story better?

Thanks in advance guys and I hope you enjoy this. Its been a blast so far to right this.

[godleydemon]

well I read it and it was pretty well written. The process part of it was decently done, could of been a bit more descriptive. But all and all pretty good. But it ended on kind of a sad note. Mel really didn't deserve anything that was coming her way, and the end left me hoping Mel might some how get her just revenge for what happened. Though the story was sexy, the ending just leaves me sad. But all and all a good story bud.

[Janus Steel]

Actually I'm working on that portion now, well sorta, I'm stumbling through my writers block but I will finish it! **holds fist skyward triumphantly with a determined look on face** Chapter 5 and on is Mirlinth getting her just rewards on Sevikira. I was more worried with the characterization of the characters and making them strong enough people.

What parts in the process change would you have liked to see to make it better? And any other ideas you have would be helpful as well.

Thanks for the honest feed back.

[godleydemon]

Yeah no problem bud. i would try to focus equally on both of there changes, focusing just on Severika and how she feels kinda makes me wonder, how exactly is this looking on Mel? it kinda is always a sort of poof. I'm not trying to pick, but a more gradual change as the one woman's breasts deflate the others inflates. Now having it to wear one woman doesn't know the changes are happening is kind of interesting. I've seen this in other stories and almost always never liked it. You've actually managed to make me like this, because of all of the mental changes. The whole world is changing, but I'm wondering how your going to work through of how to make it that Mel finds out whats going on. I did remmember though there was a creature in that school that could see the truth. Maybe an accident? on the creatures fault that she see's Mel's true form, the Magic that keeps her from noticing wavers slightly and she's able to see there's a magic spell at works. So she tries to work it out and figures out whats going on, tells Mel, Mel kinda goes fuzzy for a second and she figures it all out. I don't know thought you could use an idea or two.

[bradbarry2]

I liked the story. I didnt think I would enjoy the dragon elements, but they worked well for me. I like the theft by transfer from past growth aspect and I am interested in seeing how Loth gets hers (and more I assume) back from Sevikira. These stories have encouraged me to post my incomplete/rough draft story. It has a transfer element that is not evident at first. It actually mixes atribute theft and body swapping with a DC comic universe theme. Like you with the D&D elements, I write about what I like. To me, there just are not enough art or stories with all these various tfs.

[Janus Steel]

@Godley Pick away all you like. I honestly spend 6 hours a week going to various writers communities for my non erotic based fictions. So I'm more inclined to listen to anyone telling me how it sucked and how to improve than it's good. However it is nice to know when people like what I'm doing. I will see what I can do to make Mirlinth's thefts more apparent on her. I don't want to give away to much but it's a combination of Ayrios (The Ogre Mage) and her magic and Mirlinth's willfulness.

@bradbarry my desire to write in D&D came from at the time I'd just finished a 100,000 word sci-fi story and I despertly wanted to write a fantasy. I've got my webcomic the Chronicles of Loth and I've always hoped to have a multi-dimensional aspect to the world. The Comic Verse, Book Verse, Movie Verse and then Anime/Hentai verse. There in lies the issue, do I steal from Sevikira doubly as she did to Mirlinth? Do I leave Sevikira with something to be proud of? Or do I return things to as they were and maintain the status quo?

I'm interested in reading your DC inspired story. And I whole heartedly agree with you. We need more comic books that are for our perverted little minds. Perhaps we shall be the Warren Ellis, Robert Kirkman and Adam Moore of dirty smutty transformational, attribute thievery among comics.

Cheers.

[Max AP]

Originally Posted by bradbarry2

These stories have encouraged me to post my incomplete/rough draft story. It has a transfer element that is not evident at first. It actually mixes atribute theft and body swapping with a DC comic universe theme. Like you with the D&D elements, I write about what I like.

This is a very nice intro to what should be a great transfer story. I really like the accumulative transfer that she has from one body to other. That way she improves more the body she is moving on making it more powerful and sexy.

I really hope you can continue in a very close future and surprise us with the plans Sam has for the figure.

Max

[godleydemon]

the thing is Severika really over stepped her boundaries on what was morally right as any type of revenge. She needs a good kick in the ass, but I foresee Mir as being a little more forgiving and i think she would arrange it in a way to make it where Severika gets her just punishment but in the end when she learns her lesson gets a good reward for seeing the errors of her way ^.- win win, lol.

[lalilu]

this has got to be one of my favorite stories, and there is a quite a bit of swapping and theft that goes on. written by Nomdreserv and entitle 'beach day'
http://stories.iiichan.net/stories/B.../Beach_Day.htm