The Tome of Ishilda (Offsite)

[Lord T Hawkeye]

Being as I've been stricken with some horrific writing blocks this year, I decided to do more casual, short stories to ease the pressure and so far it's working.

Here's the first part of one I just came up with during work one day. Hope everyone finds it promising. ^^

........................

The Tome of Ishilda

?Now, watch closely at the coin! With a wave of my hand, it shall...?

Tink!

The coin simply fell out of Trevor's hand and onto the floor. Luckily he was only practicing in front of a mirror.

?Dang it, I still can't palm right...?

?Trevor!? came the voice of his mom, ?I hope you're not playing with your magic set again. You've got homework to do!?

Trevor simply sighed and got back to the books. As any could tell you, he was a bright young lad who absolutely adored magic and practiced it whenever he got the chance. He still had a way to go but his enthusiasm never dwindled. He was 14 years old with short blonde hair and a rather light build.

He sighed as he looked around his room at the various magician posters he kept up as well as the interesting trinkets and props on display, ?Man, I wish I could do real magic...?

It all started the next day when he met up with his friends Steve and Kelly after school. Steve was on the school's track team but had been friends with Trevor since they were kids so they always spent time together despite their different hobbies. Kelly was known as the biggest book worm in school. She became friends with the two after helping them when they were struggling with grades last year.

?Heya Trev,? Steve said as they met up and walked home, ?How goes that palming thing you were talking about??

?Still can't quite get it right...? Trevor said dejectedly.

?Ah, you're just trying too hard,? Kelly put in as they walked past various stores, ?I supposed you'll want to stop at the Magic Touch like always??

Indeed, it was Trevor's favorite store after all and he was always eager to see anything new they had in stock. Inside looked like a more elaborate version of Trevor's own room, filled with magic props and other oddities.

?Good afternoon everyone,? the store owner greeted as they walked in, ?Sorry but nothing new today...well...except that...?

He indicated a stand sitting just in the corner of the room behind the door. Atop it stood a worn but strong looking metal box about a foot wide and long. It bore a sign beside it saying ?Open the box and win a prize!?

?You get a prize just for opening it?? Steve said confused.

?Don't waste your time,? the store owner replied, ?I've tried everything. It doesn't open. I'm about ready to just pawn it off if I can or toss it if I can't.?

Curiously, Steve cracked his knuckles and tried to pull the box open. When it didn't budge, he held it up and tried harder, only to have his hand slip off.

?Ow...I guess it really doesn't open.?

?Told you so,? the store owner said shaking his head as he continued to read his book.

?Ouch, I guess he got scammed,? Kelly remarked as she looked around the store, her attention on the box waning.

Trevor on the other hand couldn't seem to take his gaze off. It almost seemed to be calling out to him to give it a try. But why? He just saw Steve, a guy much stronger than him, try and fail to open it so what chance did he have? Nevertheless, Trevor curiously reached out and touched the lid. He felt it held shut solidly for only a split second before there was a noticeable give. With no effort at all, he lifted the lid up.

?Uh...I...? Trevor stammered.

?Is there something I can...? the store owner began before looking more carefully, ?You...you opened it?! How??

?I don't know...it just opened like nothing...? Trevor said trying to make sense of things as everyone came in closer to look.

?Maybe there was a timing mechanism on it...? Kelly considered. That would make sense...except there was no mechamisms to be found at all. It looked for all purposes like just a crude metal box.

?Ah, who cares how he did it,? Steve said, ?What matters is he did it right? So what's the prize??

?The man who sold it to me said whoever opens it owns what's inside,? the store owner explained as they pulled the lid back. Inside was a black, leather bound book decorated with seared on runes.

?An antique book maybe...? Kelly said fascinated.

?Well, I guess it's yours then kiddo,? The store owner declared as he handed the book to Trevor, ?Probably would go nice with your collection eh??

?Yeah...thanks!? Trevor said, still surprised at everything that had happened.

With that, the three friends left the store and headed on home. Trevor arrived to find his mother absent, apparently working late yet again. Trevor always wished he could do more to help their situation. With his father gone, his mother had to work late a lot to keep things going. Well, at least he had his new possession to keep his mind occupied. He decided to take it up to his room and look through it a little.

?Hmm...? he pondered as he opened it.

The book was thankfully written in english to his surprise though it did look like older dialect. His eyes lit up as he looked further.

?Incantation of levitation?? he read aloud, ?Was this some witch's spell book? Heh...I wonder if...?

He began to think for a moment before giving his head a shake.

?Nah! Come on Trevor, stop dreaming. Still, these words might make for nice magic words to use for my tricks...I wonder how you pronounce this...No in divuum.?

No sooner had he said it did his chair suddenly lift off from the floor with him in it, drifting slowly around the room as though in outer space.

?Woah...what the...? Trevor said as he found himself drifting off the chair, floating as well.

Acting quickly, he grabbed the head of his bed in an effort to pull himself back to the book. Managing to make his way back to this deck, he picked up the book again and looked at the page. Thankfully, there was a counter spell cited directly below it.

?Cado pessum!?

Trevor and the chair immediately dropped back to the floor.

?I don't believe this...it's a real magic book!? Trevor exclaimed excitedly.

?Trevor? Are you okay up there?? came his mom's voice, snapping him out of his euphoria.

?oh...yeah mom...I just...tripped...?

?Oh, okay well please try to keep it down up there. I have to get an early start tomorrow.?

?Yeah, no problem mom,? Trevor said as he stowed the book away.

Trevor decided it was best to hide it for now. Tomorrow was the weekend and he could learn more about it then. He smiled as he got ready for bed, excited about tomorrow...

...so much that he didn't even notice his hair slowly lengthen ever so slightly...

[catfish27]

Looks like an good setup, and I'm interested to see where this goes. The one specific thing I'd suggest is losing the "Well of course, little did he know he would get his wish sooner than he thought..." line. I don't think you need to provide such a blatant hint; "I wish I could do real magic" seems like enough foreshadowing.

[tjlemke]

Agreed.

Anyways, this story is very well written. I like how it has been set up and it seems to be going into a good direction. The only thing I have to say is im excited for more!

[Lord T Hawkeye]

?Okay, so what is it that we had to come down so early to see?? Kelly said as Steve simply stood groggily at her side the next morning.

?You won't believe this,? Trevor said as he led them to his room and got out the book, ?It's a real magic book!?

?Wha...? Steve mumbled, ?Am I still dreaming??

?Is this a setup for some new trick Trevor?? Kelly asked.

?Let me just find a good one...? Trevor said as he thumbed through it until he came to a page entitled ?Transmogrifications.? A smile came to his face.

He pointed at Kelly as he read the incantation, ?Es'dea Abeo!?

Kelly merely tapped her foot unimpressed, that is until she noticed her point of view growing lower.

?What...what's happening??

Her body was growing shorter yet mostly retaining it's width. Her head grew round with large eyes like a comical cartoon character.

?Wha...What did you do to me?!? she cried out in a higher pitched voice.

?Mph...? Steve began snickering before bursting out laughing, ?Ha ha ha! You look hilarious!?

?This is not funny!? Kelly turned to him only to find herself facing his knees.

?Don't worry Kelly, I got one for Steve too, heh heh!? Trevor said as he chanted another spell.

?What are you...? Steve began when his hands were drawn to his head where he felt his ears grow into fine points.

?You always did used to drool over the artwork in my fantasy books,? Trevor teased as Steve's skin began to darken until it was inky black.

?You don't mean...? Steven muttered as the reshaping began. His muscles smoothed out into a more slender frame, much of the mass travelling downward to create a rounder, more feminine posterior. To top it all off, his chest swelled out into a pair of prominent breasts that held up well as he still bore an athletic build. His long white hair and more finely chiseled face completed the look of a drow woman.

?The hell man? I'm a dark elf chick!?

?Trevor! This is dangerous! You better have a way to turn us back!?

?Don't worry,? Trevor replied as he looked in the book, ?These all have a counter...oh...It says...these spells wear off in about 8 hours...there's no counter...?

?8 hours?!? Steve cried out, ?I was gonna hang out at the arcade with the teams today, I can't show up there looking like this!?

?Dang...sorry guys...hey, we can still play some games here while we wait. Mom won't be back until late tonight. I promise, I'll make this up to you!? Trevor pleaded, hoping his friends wouldn't get angry.

?Well, all right but you owe us!? Kelly insisted as she strumbled trying to get used to her new center of gravity.

?Whatever I look like, I'm still gonna waste you in Smash Bros!? Steve taunted as he went downstairs.

?You wish!? Trevor said as he followed.

Some time later, the three were still happily enjoying their day.

?So Trevor, what are you gonna do with the book now that you know it's really magic?? Steve asked.

?I don't know, I could do a real magic show,? he pondered.

?Trevor, you don't even know where this book came from. It could be dangerous,? Kelly advised as she sat on Trevor's lap to play.

?Aw come on Kelly, this could be a big chance. Just think of what we could do!? Steve encouraged.

?Well, at the very least, don't go casting spells without reading the whole thing again,? Kelly insisted.

?That I promise. For now, I won't use it except for something important,? Trevor vowed as he saw this two friends begin to glow and change.

?Oh! We're changing back!? Steve said as his feminine curves retreated back into him and his skin whitened to it's regular self.

?What a relief, I wasn't looking foreward to wearing kid's clothes,? Kelly agreed as she grew back to her old height.

Trevor bid his friends farewell as they left, just as his mother was coming in the door carrying a heavy box.

?Hi mom, are you all right?? Trevor asked as he helped her carry it to the counter.

?Hi dear...it's all right, I just got a big project dumped on my lap again...? she said exasperated.

?Aw mom, they're killing you down there. Can't you just say no?? Trevor asked really feeling sorry for her.

?I wish I could, I'm gonna get a nap in before I get started. Looks like I got another all nighter ahead of me.?

?But mom, I gotta tell you what...?

His mother simply raised her hand as she walked to her room, ?Tell me after. I'm sorry but I really need whatever sleep I can get right now...?

She didn't even undress as she lay down on the bed. Steve looked in the box to find papers that needed filling in stacked all the way up to the top. It looked like an all night job indeed.

?Man...she deserves better than this..? he said to himself as he looked up to his room, ?Hey, if this isn't important, I don't know what is!?

He moved the box to his mom's study as he set everything up with the book sitting on the chair. He looked through until he found what he was looking for.

?The 'get it done fast' spell, how convenient!? he said as he read it over carefully as he promised.

It was a bit of a complicated spell so he took a deep breath before doing the chant.

?Adepto! Officium! Perfectus! Velox!?

Violet light washed over the office in a flash. Trevor looked out the door, worried he might have awoken his mother. Finding her still fast asleep, he went to check the results of his efforts. The papers were all neatly stacked on the desk and to Trevor's joy, all were filled in perfectly, as though his mother herself had done it. In one fell swoop, all his mother's work was done.

?All right!? Trevor said...in a voice that sounded off key, ?What...what was that??

Trevor began to feel woozy as his vision blurred slightly. He felt like live snakes were slithering through his insides.

?Wha...my skin?? he said as he saw a darker brown color wash over his skin, coating it completely from head to toe.

He ran up to the bathroom to get a better look at what was going on, just noticing his hair turning black and trailing down to his waist. He looked in the mirror to find indeed, his skin had taken on a darker, tan color. It only got stranger as his ears began to darken further and migrate up the side of his head, coming to points at the very top like the ears of an animal.

?What's happening? This wasn't in the spell! I'm sure of it...ow!? Trevor's thoughts were interrupted by a sharp pain behind and down south. He reached back, trying to feel what it was only to get his hands filled more than he expected. He turned around and looked back to find indeed, he bore a plush behind that any woman would be envious of. Just then, the pain came back only briefly as a long, black furred tail burst through the seat of his pants.

?I don't understand...? Trevor said panicking as his hands shot to his chest. As he feared, round soft flesh sprouted out to form breasts to complete the look. He looked back into the mirror to see narrow, feline eyes staring back at him. His softened face and voluptuous figure left no trace of his former looks to even the closest inspection.

?Oh man...what have I done to myself?? Trevor said as he heard something stirring in the living room.

?Trevor? Are you all right?? his mom muttered.

?I can't let her see me like this,? he said as he took the book and went out the back door, his mother just missing a chance to see him.

?Hmm..where's he going in such a hurry?? she wondered.

[tjlemke]

Still doing well. It seems to be missing something but IDK what. The first part had it but the second not-so-much.

[Sephie]

Fun story

[frice2000]

I don't understand why the changes happened so quickly after the first bit of magic but then did nothing when he did the pretty major magic to change his friends later. Other then that very nice work indeed.

[tjlemke]

Originally Posted by frice2000

I don't understand why the changes happened so quickly after the first bit of magic but then did nothing when he did the pretty major magic to change his friends later. Other then that very nice work indeed.

~~CRITIQUE~~
Yea that's kinda part of it. It seems that the story was somewhat rushed and the main character went from learning he had a magic book to going hardcore with it. There was no transition between which I would think the average teenage boy would have (not exactly unbelievable but different). I know it could be justified with how the kid has always liked magic but it still seems somewhat hard to swallow that the kid would be that enthused or believing of what he is experiencing. Nonetheless, the beginning is so strong that it makes the second part a mere fore thought. Must say that the end of the second part truly has potential to be great. It really leaves the door open and makes the story that much more exciting while building up a atmosphere.

[Lord T Hawkeye]

Kelly was busy reading at home when her doorbell rang. She opened it to see a strange woman with black hair and dark skin standing before her wearing quite ill fitting boy's clothes.

?Uh...can I help you miss?? she asked apprehensively.

?Kelly, it's me Trevor! Something's wrong!?

Kelly was shocked for a moment but then realized the clothing did look familiar. She invited Trevor in as he explained everything.

?And the spell didn't say anything about this?? Kelly asked.

?No, I looked it over myself, it doesn't make any sense,? Trevor replied.

?Well I don't think using more spells is a good idea, maybe we can still find something to tell us what's up...? Kelly said as she attempted to turn the pages only to have her hands pushed back by an unseen force.

?What's with this thing? Only I could open the box and now only I can touch it,? Trevor pondered as he flipped through until he came to near the end of the written pages.

?Hey...the words on the last few pages look more...hasty. Like they were written in a hurry,? Kelly noted.

Three spells were written in this rushed manner. The first described a ritual for binding one's soul to a magical object with the intent of being ressurrected later.

?Was that the one who used to own this book?? Kelly wondered as Trevor turned the page.

The next page described a transmogrification spell implanted into the book, intended to alter the form of the caster once enough magical energy was built up.

?Hey, that must be it,? Kelly remarked, ?But why? What was the point??

Trevor was almost fearful to turn to the next page but he had to know. The next page was a spell already prepared that was described as ?the last step to my return.? It was a soul infusion, using the ?prepared? body as a new vessel.

?Wait...prepared body? Does that mean me?? Trevor said gulping.

?I get it...who owned this book before knew she was going to die and she sealed her soul away so the book would be found and...prep you to be her new body...? Kelly said slowly with fear, ?Trevor, you've got to destroy this thing now!?

Trevor looked reluctant but knowing his life was at stake, nodded...or at least started to when he looked out the window, ?Hey...is that smoke??

Indeed, wisps of white smoke were trailing from a house down the street. Upon closer inspection, Trevor saw it was his house!

?No! Mom!? Trevor cried out as he ran out the door with the book in hand.

?Trevor wait!!? Kelly called out as they ran for the house.

It looked like Steve had caught wind of the disturbance as his house was just next door. He saw Kelly and a strange woman running towards the house.

?Kelly...who's your friend?? he asked.

Kelly tried to explain quickly but Trevor was already standing before the house with the book open.

?Trevor, don't!? she called out.

?Trevor?? Steve said confused as Trevor called out the incantation. In a flash, the smoke vanished and the house stood as though nothing had happened. Trevor rushed inside to ensure all was well.

?Mom? Where are you? Are you okay??

?I certainly am...? came a voice that was feminine but not Trevor's mom's, ?I just needed you to use the book one last time.?

?Who's there? Who are you?? Trevor asked. Kelly and Steve came rushing in right behind him.

?How rude of me, may I introduce myself,? the voice said as it's source materialized before the three. She looked just like Trevor did now only her form was transparent and blurred, ?Ishilda, often called the black cat sorceress!?

Trevor quicklky held up the book expecting it to turn to a suitable spell to deal with the creature but it simply hung silently.

?It will no longer work for you boy,? Ishilda taunted.

?Where's mom?!? Trevor demanded.

?She went out to get a few groceries I believe. You should have seen the look on her face when she saw your handiwork,? Ishilda said casually.

?You're the one who did this to Trevor and you're planning to use his body to bring yourself back!? Kelly accused.

?Bravo, you are a clever one. But it doesn't matter, your friend's fate was sealed the moment he opened my book and now he's going to be a good little boy and return it to me so I can finish the job.?

?Look lady!? Steve said stepping between them, ?If you think you're gonna just...?

The spectre looked unimpressed as her eyes flashed at Steve who began to turn feminine again only this time, growing round ears and a long thin tail...oh and suddenly finding himself starring far far upward at everyone for the now mouse girl stood only a few inches in height...

?Steve!? Trevor cried out as she turned her attention to Trevor.

?Almost perfect, but I do recall having a little more up here...? she said as Trevor began to full an unpleasant pulling sensation in his chest, ?and down there too!?

Trevor's already plump breasts and posterior began to swell up further under Ishilda's, turning his already alluring frame into a downright sexual fantasy that would drive any man mad.

?Ugh...stop it!? Trevor groaned as the weights threw his balance off.

?Hey, you leave him alone!? Kelly demanded.

?Tsk, they don't learn,? Ishilda as Kelly shrank down to her chibified form again, ?Heh, that is a better look for you anyway.?

That distraction was enough for Trevor to take the book in hand and try to make a break for the door only to find it wouldn't open. He quickly dashed upstairs to his room and tried the window only to see Ishilda's grinning face outside waiting for him.

?I gotta get help,? he muttered as he got out his cell phone and called 911, ?Hello??

?You can't escape me,? came the voice on the other end as Trevor threw the phone away seeing it was futile.

?But this book,? Trevor asked, ?You made it so it's current owner is the only one who can touch it. That means you can't finish the ritual unless I hand it to you, isn't that right??

?Yes, that is correct,? Ishilda's voice replied.

?So why should I give it to you then?? Trevor asked.

?Well, your mother is on her way home...what a shame it would be if something were to happen when she's having such a wonderful evening...? the voice threatened with a playful tone.

What could he do? He couldn't let his mother or his friends get hurt...but who knows what would happen if Ishilda was allowed to come back to life. That was when he turned to see one of the magician mottos he always kept on the wall by his bed.

'Only let them see what you want them to see'

He came back downstairs with the book in hand. Kelly and Steve were hiding in a cupboard but peeked out to see what was happening.

?Okay...? Trevor said, ?Okay Ishilda, I'll give you the book if you promise to let my friends go and don't hurt mom! Deal??

?Agreed!? Ishilda said as she appeared again before him with her hands out eagerly, ?Now give it to me!?

?Trevor don't!? Kelly pleaded as Steve could only look on helplessly.

It was too late for words though, Ishilda now held the book in her hands and relished the moment.

?At last! Ishilda shall return! I've waited centuries!?

?Remember our deal?? Trevor asked hopefully.

?Oh yes, your mother is perfectly safe as are your friends. Too bad the same can't be said of you. I thank you for the new body, Meus! Animus! Ut Vestri!?

Trevor didn't even flinch as he grinned slightly.

?You might want to double check that,? he said confidently.

?What?? Ishilda said confused as she looked to see...fresh ink on the page indicating the incantation had been tampered with.

Ishilda could only watch in horror as the spell began to work in reverse of it's intent, her life force was being drained into Trevor's body.

?You tricked me! This can't be!!? were her last screaming words as the ghostly sorceress dissipated into the night air.

?You did it!? Steve said as him and Kelly came out of hiding.

?Yeah...I finally managed to trick someone,? Trevor said smiling.

?But you still look like Ishilda,? Kelly noted.

?I feel...like I have all her power now though,? Trevor commented as he simply pointed to the book and it returned to his hand. With a simple gesture, he returned his friends to normal.

?Looks like it's a packaged deal then,? Steve noted.

?Yeah, I guess it won't be so bad,? Trevor said with a smile as the three friends hugged.

?Trevor? I'm home! I gotta know how you did it,? came the voice of Trevor's mom.

?Heh...after I do some explaining...?

END


Yes, I admit I tend to rush as I'll get bored with the writing otherwise. Ah well, it's just me writing things as they come, wasn't going for anything fancy here.

[Sephie]

You need to work on endurance or the tail's ending will keep cuming prematurely.

[tjlemke]

The ending was satisfying and could have been better, but then again it always can so I give you a thumbs up and good job. Another section would make me happier because the energy started to build up again and you almost peaked toward the end making for a fun situation. It seems like you closed this one though (which is disappointing) but it was a good story overall. The major critiques I can give you is you have to work on the body and not end it so prematurely. You have the potential to be a truly excellent artist (by the looks of this story) but the body needs to either be focused on creating momentum in the story by creating a sense of excitement or energy or you have to make it so that it creates information or moves the story (while maintaining interest of course). The second part is that the story almost climaxed toward the end and although the conflict that drove the main story plot was concluded, I felt as if there was still some good stuff ahead. Kinda like an Airhead, it was really fun getting there but the final sweet center of the story seemed to be left out and I couldn't fully enjoy the whole experience. Overall a good story with some room to work with which is a good thing. Some smaller points would be that you are alright at description and although too much description can ruin the plot and halt the story, you don't seem to explain enough to the point that the reader seems to be left with a vague picture of the characters. Such as when you were describing Trevor becoming a woman or when 'she' showed up on Kelly's doorstep. I didn't feel that the scene wasn't described enough (and those were the best scenes! :_< ). I will admit that this is the first and only story of yours that I have read so this only is a critique of this particular story.

Nonetheless, with everything weighed this was a good story with a good plot and decent characters.
6/10