Fetish

[Matador]

Originally Posted by dorintf

Wow, kind of sad to see so many people have had the opposite (meaning, positive) reactions to revealing interest in TF than I have.

So, I met, "the one" a few years ago. Virtually everything in common, very sweet, exact body type that I like. While on a road trip I decided that I was going to lay everything on the line and told her everything I thought I might be holding back from her, including TF. She is the only person I've ever told. I'm pretty much mortified of other people finding out about it, and it took a long time for me to work up the courage to tell her.

Her reaction was "That's it? I thought it was going to be something way bigger than that." She told me that it wasn't anything to be ashamed of, and became pretty enamored with the idea of coming up with role-playing scenarios in the bedroom. I couldn't believe it. I remember thinking, "Don't let this one go. Ever."

It wasn't too much after this that her opinion completely changed. She stopped talking to me about it at all, even though I was extremely anxious to talk about it after finally opening up to someone about it. I kept pressing her that she investigate it herself and we talk about any questions she might have. One night after having asked her to look at Reddit's transformation subreddit, we sat down after I got off work and started talking about it.

Things couldn't have gone worse. She suffers from extreme self-image and abandonment issues, and got the idea that it was something I loved more than her. She started crying and becoming verbally confrontational, at which point I realized that I had saw her drinking several glasses of wine--and not wine glasses, but regular drinking glasses. Several shout-filled minutes later, I went to bed extremely sad. I attempted to talk to her about it later, but she never wanted to and I eventually told her that I was sorry I told her about it in the first place, feeling it would have been better to keep it secret than cause pain in the relationship, to her but more especially to me, as I felt really hurt that the one thing that I really identify as the key proponent of my sexuality was not something I would ever be able to talk about with her.

We're still together, planning on getting married, and both live under the same roof. I think every single day that it's something that I'll always be unfulfilled about. We have problems in our sex lives that I think completely stem from the fact that it's such a big part of my sexual identity and it's completely off-topic for the rest of my life.

So, yeah. Don't want to scare others off from sharing TF with your significant other, but I feel like that fear I have always had of telling anyone about TF (and know that it's a fear that lots of other TF community members have) went ... well, far worse than what I envisioned as the worst-case scenario.

So ... yeah. Fuck.

I'm closer to your situation. My wife and I got married when we were both VERY young and I'd never even been in a real relationship. I love her very much, but it's taken me a long time to understand the giant black hole of insecurity and self esteem that she lives with every day. I may be wrong, but I see no possible way to bring this up without it becoming an apocalyptic assault on her self image.
I'd be curious to know if the guys on here with better relationship success are younger.
Seems like women these days are much more open to just about anything as opposed to the 1980's when even something tame like fat admiration was taboo.
My issue is less about revealing something about myself, and more about the state of my relationship itself. Therefore, I would still encourage people to be open and honest with their ladies. With the caveat that the lady is emotionally equipped to handle the subject.

[KermitYoung]

My interest in tf does affect me on a daily basis, and it does affect my romantic life.
Though I've taken a little break from dating, whenever I eventually get into a new relationship I'm sure I'll mention my fetish to my new girl, when the time is right. I should mention that I've shared my fetish in the past with every woman I've dated; wonderfully, they were pretty accepting.

Also, here's a tip I've learned that I advise others take to heart:
when you share something that is deeply personal such as a fetish, don't explain it like you're ashamed of it, because people will react accordingly. If you tell your sweetheart your fetish with the attitude of "this fetish is the weirdest, most awful thing and I'm ashamed of it", then they will react the same way. If you instead show and explain your fetish in gentle, basic terms with a friendly, casual tone (as if it's no big deal, this is just what you like) then your lover will likely respond much kinder. Also, don't go straight for the hardcore when showing your girl/guy what your kink is. I'd recommend starting simple and gently working your way up.

For example, I personally have a thing for elaborate forced tf scenarios; there's one in particular I like that involves women in their 20s, 30s, and 40s being forced to turn into animal women via a government mandate. I totally recognize that that particular scenario is a little complicated and as such, I wouldn't open with that particular fantasy when explaining what kind of fantasies I like. Instead, I'd start small with something like, "you know honey, I think women transforming into cute animal girls is sexy", and then take it from there by showing her some tame images. After said girlfriend processed/reacted to my earlier statement and images, then I'd build my way up to explaining the more intricate ideas.

I know it seems like a no-brainer, but presentation is huge when it comes to stuff like this. Don't be ashamed, don't be overly eager, just be honest and put it out there in gentle terms and I think you'll be surprised.