Matt's BE Thread

[Bareon]

Hmm.. well, to be honest I didn't expect you to ever show a nude nipple on yer character...
and I imagined that if you did the nipples would be... about... half the size of what you drew. I assumed this because, well I went into imagination about it >.> and came up with the conclusion that someone using a cover for the nipple would naturally choose one that is much larger than what you want to cover in order to conveniently hide and account for possible location slippage.
(are they held on by glue? that'd hurt...)

[tetsaru_arigashi]

I think you did an awesome job on Mattie's nipples. ^^ Hope to see a colored version, or more works similar to this.

[Matsu-sensei]

Originally Posted by Bareon

Hmm.. well, to be honest I didn't expect you to ever show a nude nipple on yer character...
and I imagined that if you did the nipples would be... about... half the size of what you drew. I assumed this because, well I went into imagination about it >.> and came up with the conclusion that someone using a cover for the nipple would naturally choose one that is much larger than what you want to cover in order to conveniently hide and account for possible location slippage.
(are they held on by glue? that'd hurt...)

Same thing normal pasties stick with. (whatever that is)

[Jaran]

I liked the uncensored version. It seemed a little out of place at first, but I don't think there's anything wrong with it.

Also, for what it's worth, I think the nipples look fine.

[Lurking Guy]

Read it.

The character interaction is incredibly awkward and unnatural. Might want to work on thinking of dialogue and ideas from a different perspective, and considering characters as people completely detached from yourself, drawing connections you want later.

[jack36262001]

Well off the bat i was a bit distracted by the nipples but as i sat back and admired it. Well it began to grow on me(pardon the pun)

[CandyKing]

Good comic, dialogue was a bit... weird, but the nipples did look good. Was kind of surprised you caved and drew em on mattie, figured she'd be the one you'd avoid.

[Matsu-sensei]

Originally Posted by Lurking Guy

Read it.

The character interaction is incredibly awkward and unnatural. Might want to work on thinking of dialogue and ideas from a different perspective, and considering characters as people completely detached from yourself, drawing connections you want later.

How so? Supposed to be cliche "kyaaaaah don't look", "oh no boobs don't hit me I didn't mean it"?

[Blake Isaac Gordon]

Originally Posted by Lurking Guy

Read it.

The character interaction is incredibly awkward and unnatural. Might want to work on thinking of dialogue and ideas from a different perspective, and considering characters as people completely detached from yourself, drawing connections you want later.

I might say I sort of agree, but my issue is I lack zero understanding of the 'search for your Ego' reference. If the ego is explained in other parts of your work then I'll strike my criticism from this forum.

If not, what the heck is her Ego?

[Lurking Guy]

Originally Posted by Matsu-sensei

How so? Supposed to be cliche "kyaaaaah don't look", "oh no boobs don't hit me I didn't mean it"?

The form of speech is awkward for casual conversation.

Brothers and sisters, lovers, close friends, even strangers: none of them talk to each other in the oddly uniform and almost robotic way you write. Matt and Mattie speak like they're indirectly addressing the audience, rather than having a comfortable chat. It's similar to how many comics have characters who will interact purely for exposition or re-capping, but this feels far more...stiff(?), I guess.

You could easily convey the same points and statements that you are trying to make now, as well as keep any sort of emotions you try to build in the characters, while giving the conversation a better sense of flow and realism.

In conclusion; EDITING IS KING! Start with your initial idea, and write the full transcript, and then look at it again outside of your own perspective, as an outsider, a viewer. From there, revise for flow, character traits, emotion, interaction, etc. Good editing of your writing is key when telling a story! Let your passion burn through the page, let the sentiments run wild and grip the reader!!

Of course, I'm not trying to say "LOL, U SUK, I DUN LIKE THIS." Rather, I think you can improve upon your own writing style.

[Matsu-sensei]

Originally Posted by Blake Isaac Gordon

I might say I sort of agree, but my issue is I lack zero understanding of the 'search for your Ego' reference. If the ego is explained in other parts of your work then I'll strike my criticism from this forum.

If not, what the heck is her Ego?

I think this helps me understand the issue more than the other explanation. I can see where you're coming from, but I kinda have to format it to the viewer. Otherwise it'd be "Oh, that's the bra you were talking about?" "Yep" (poof, Meushi) "Sweet, you finally found it".

I might have to do a comic explaining the Ego concept for new people or those who haven't read the descriptions in the past.

In a nutshell, an Ego (in this story) is the physical manifestation of one's character. It's a common and essential aspect of life, like breathing or eating. Think of it like that athlete who's always saying "I gotta run, or I don't feel alive" or that chef who always finds pleasure in cooking.

[icyshadowlord]

That would be helpful. Also, getting to see some more egos than just those of Mattie and Matt would be nice =3 (If possible)

And wait, if Ego is a physical manifestation of one's character, does it mean that it would only appear in people that deny that aspect of character from themselves or?? (I'll probably end up confusing myself here...)