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Unread 01-21-2006   #1
GearRyu
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Incubusted (Complete)

EDIT: Incubusted is complete! To read the entire story, including Prologue, Chapters 1 - 6, and the Epilogue, read posts 16, 30, 50, 40, and 59, in that order. Please leave feedback. And enjoy!

Hello, I am the Sword Emperor, Gear Ryu, a new member to the Process forum. It is my pleasure to be here, and I hope to have a good time here.

I decided the best way to introduce myself would be to present material of some sort. I thought about an image; unfortunately, I cannot draw impressively well (yet), and I have no video clips to present, so I settled on my strong suit, writing.

I thought of this story, then began writing it, as soon as I joined the process forum. It is my original work. The story involves elements of TG and BE. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it; and I welcome comments.

And with that, I present, for the Process Forum's reading pleasure...

Incubusted

Prologue: The Night Before

It was about a half hour ‘till midnight. Alex had been RPing with Rick for the past few hours, and he was getting sleepy. He sighed as he moused down to the IM icon and exited. He got out of his chair and slipped into bed. The lights around the house already off, he dozed off to the unpleasant white noise of his computer.

Alex Trontero is what one may consider an average 18-year-old male. He goes to college, has a decent social life, and has had testosterone pumping through his body for years. He also has budding fetishes for BE and TG. He and his friend, Rick (the same age, but half way across the U.S.) have known each other for about a year now, and share the same interests in TG/BE and RPing. This has led to many RP sessions revolving around TG/BE. There are many variations, but Alex has been on the receiving end. It is just fun, something that could never happen in real life; good thing. If it could, it would have consequences far more dire than anything in a pleasant little RP.

However, as Alex is about to learn, life can imitate art. At some point, everyone wonders how life would be different if their fantasies, no matter how far-fetched or impossible, could occur. When Alex awakens the next morning, he will have his answer.

Part 1: Morning Madness

Rick was fond of sleeping in late. He arranged all his classes for the afternoon and evening, just so he could sleep until one. And, on a Saturday like this, he could sleep in even later. As it was, he got to sleep just after Alex signed off; never a dull moment when they RPed, and so good to have someone who shared a similar interest. Rick had never met Alex, but they knew each other’s names, their habits, and their interests. There was an anime convention in California coming up in the summer, and Rick was thinking it might be cool to invite Alex down to attend (Rick was notably more educated in the “higher art of anime and manga”, so he called it).

Rick rolled a little to his right. His naked back panned against cushiony silk. Rick grunted. That was peculiar. Silk? He rolled over a little more; he did not have any silk on his bed… The cushions shifted with his movement. Rick looked over his shoulder and saw he was pressed against some humanoid lump beneath the covers.

Startled, he scooted back, bumping against the wall and disturbing a wall poster of Inu-Yasha. Someone was in bed with him, lying prone beneath the covers to his right. Confused, Rick’s heart was beating fast, and his brain was racing, trying to figure out how the hell someone had gotten into his room, much less his bed(!) without him knowing!

Afraid to move lest he awaken whoever was there, Rick just stared, taking deep breaths for a minute. He reached toward the covers. Maybe… maybe it was some sort of joke, a bunch of pillows someone put there to fool him… yeah, that would explain it… Feeling relieved, Rick pulled back the heavy coverlet.

His hands froze at the neckline. Lying in Rick’s bed was a young woman, probably no older than himself. Her skin looked smooth and unblemished, framed by strands of long wavy auburn hair. As Rick leaned in, his eyes beheld her aquiline features; she was gorgeous, like some Greek bust brought to life. Her cleavage was slightly exposed, and Rick recognized the exposed peaks as the “silk pillows” his back had been pressing against. The thought sent a warm feeling through his body; all Rick could do was stare, dumbfounded. In his wildest fantasies, he never dreamed that he would awaken with a mysterious girl next to him.

Rick’s new priority was deducing how this occurred. He tried to slip out of bed covertly, so as not to alert the girl. Unfortunately, his left foot betrayed him, knocking something, probably his remote control, off his bed, and onto a jewel case.; the loud sound startled the girl awake.

Part 2: Wrong Room, Body

“Uhnnn…?” The girl shifted and opened her eyes to bleary reality. Something was wrong. She shook her head and grunted, looking around. Bed. Covers. Room. Man. Man? Her eyes trailed up a pair of pants, to a male torso, and up to the unfamiliar eyes of a boy about her age, his face baffled.

Instantly, her eyes widened with shock. She pulled back, bunching up against the pillows. Holding the covers in her left hand, she pointed and screamed, “WH-WHO THE HELL ARE YOU? HOW DID YOU GET IN MY ROOM?!” Before the man could say anything, the girl tried to slip out of bed, but her entire body seemed slow and unresponsive. Instead of gracefully slipping out, she jerked out of bed, dragging the coverlet with her. Caught by surprise, she banged her shoulder against a table lamp and bumped her rear hard on the ground.

It was in that brief flash of clarity that she was looking at herself. The introspection was unpleasant. Her eyes beheld the silky skin, the wispy frame, and the impressive cleavage. This – was impossible. She released the coverlet in her startled daze. It slipped down to the slope of her breasts, then creeped down slightly, and finally, fell off. Large breasts catapaulted upward, and all she could say was, “Im… possible…”

Chapter 3: “My name is ____; surprised to meet you”

Rick tried to warn her, he really did, but he did not expect the girl to just jerk out of bed like that.

“Ah, shit!” He hissed, seeing her strike her shoulder against the lamp. Concerned, Rick shuffled around to her side of the bed and came toward her, leaning over as if to help. He kicked an empty DVD case under the bed and stretched forward his right arm.

Rick’s hand suddenly felt a little numb; it was his eyes. His eyes had trailed up his arm, to his extended fingertips, and onward to the girl’s breasts. They were like nothing he had ever seen outside of fantasy art; each of the girl’s breasts must have been a little larger than his own head.

The girl had a pained, but less excited facade now, as she rubbed the bruised shoulder. “Dammi-“ She looked up at Rick, and half-shut her eyes in a mean glance. Forgetting her temporary pain, the girl grabbed the table lamp with her left arm (and increased her pain substantially) and jerked it forward. A pile of CDs fell off, landing on the carpet with a loud clatter. She pointed the table lamp at Rick menacingly. “Y-you k- just keep your distance! I swear to God I’ll –“

”Woah, woah!” Rick backed up, making appeasing gestures with his hands. “Calm down… I’m not going to hurt you, I swear. I don’t even know yo-“

“That’s the fuckin’ problem!” the girl screamed. “Who the HELL are you?! And what are you doing in MY house?!” But… was this her house? She looked around, seeing countless wall posters, music CDs, anime DVDs, and teetering manga stacks. This wasn’t her room, but- it didn’t matter. Something in her told her it didn’t matter.

Even with the table lamp in his face, Rick figured he could overpower the frightened (but quite aggressive, and damn, she was hot…) girl. But that was a last resort. “My name is Rick,” he said, hoping to appease her. “I live here. It’s my house. I don’t know how you got here, but I didn’t bring you here… let’s just calm down, and maybe we can sort things down…” the girl stared at him warily, “okay…?”

Rick’s unwilling guest nodded. “Yeah, calm down…” she thought. “Calm down in some stranger’s house, with my body like this…” Her eyes roamed the floor, and settled on a pen knife shaped like a sword out of one of the anime she had seen not long ago; “Bleach”, she thought.

“What’s your name?”

The girl cocked her head back up, feigning surprise. “Hn? Oh…” she paused and crossed her arms over her exposed breasts. The feeling was foreign, and the large breasts felt numb. There was an inexplicable emptiness as she squeezed her arms around her cleavage. “My name… is Alex…” The words felt unnatural parting her lips.

“Alex?” Rick mused to himself. “Cool. I have a friend named Alex. He’s a boy, tho-“

“I AM A BOY!” Alex growled, removing one hand from her bosom (and giving the other hand some slight difficulty with the remaining slack) and picking up the pen knife from the floor. She pointed it at Rick, but her hand sweated and trembled. And that was when she noticed the completely dumbfounded expression in Rick’s green eyes. Their eyes widened in horror as they simultaneously came to the same conclusion. The names, the room, everything.

Alex gulped. Her next words were nervous. “Rick… Golsid?”

“Alex… Trontero?” Rick could not blink. His face was a little pale as the blood receded.

The air was alive with a discomforting silence. Rick Golsid and Alex Trontero stared at each other, their mouths agape in picture perfect shock. Rick Golsid and Alex Trontero, meeting for the first time. The pen knife fell from Alex’s hand and landed with a deadening thud on a Ranma ½ manga.

Part 4: Gender Confusion

“Alex…” Rick took a step toward the now cringing girl, “Is that really you?”

She nodded.

“I’m sorry…” he apologized, “I didn’t know you were a gir-“

“I - AM NOT - A GIRL!” Alex snapped back, her eyes alight with anger, confusion, and fear. She slammed her free hand into the ground and readjusted her left hand; damn breasts. “Don’t you see?” She gripped her forehead with the free hand and hissed, incidentally tugging at her new wavy brown hair, “I went to sleep as a guy! I was in my own bed, yes…” Her bewildered eyes told the story as well as her mouth did, “And when I woke up…” Alex’s tone became acidulous, “I was a girl… sleeping in yours. Oh god… I- I can’t stand it…” She felt tears welling in her eyes. “I don’t- I don’t understand a-anythin-hn-hng… and my body hurts…”

“Phantom pain?” Rick interrupted, recollecting some far-flung fact.

“W-what?”

“My dad is a doctor. He once told me that if something is cut off, you can still feel it for a while, even though it is not there. Maybe, I dunno, your mind remembers you having a male body, so you feel kinda like you still have a guy’s body.”

“Maybe…” Alex sounded dejected. She wiped a thin tear line from beneath her lower eyelids. “I might as well check…” She slowly slipped her right hand down the coverlet while Rick watched. It trembled slightly as she pressed the sweaty fingers together; they descended into the depths of the covers, and stopped just above her crotch. The pain told her that there should be something there, in that space. Closing her eyes, she plunged her hand down.

And further, and inward. The fingers clapped against a space both warm and soft, barren save for a single slit. Trembling even more, she tested the slit, knowing all the while what it was. She could feel the pressure as her fingers pressed in. Then, with a horrified gasp, she pulled her finger back up.

It was true, all true. She knew it even before she pressed her hand to her right breast, and felt it sink in just slightly. The breast felt more “real” than it had a few minutes earlier, all the more confirming her new reality. Though Alex did not know the size, she knew her breasts were much larger than her hand, and felt a little heavier than earlier.

With a pained look on her face, Alex reached down, grabbed the coverlet and squeezed it to her impressive breasts, pushing them out. Alex screamed to the ceiling, “I’M A GIRL!” She shook the coverlet furiously.

Rick tried to keep an even face as he watched his friend’s self-examination, and her climax into anger. He had many emotions running through his body; excitement, sorrow… and lust. This was certainly the strangest first impression he had ever had of someone! Fortunately, he was wearing his pants.

When Alex had collected herself, Rick plopped onto his bed. “Feeling better?”

”Yeah,” said Alex dismissively. “Loads…” Her breasts rose and fell.

“How could this happen, Alex? It seems almost like something out of manga, webcomics and… well…” he was taking a little risk with the next two words, “our RPs.”

Wrong words. Alex snapped back; her wavy hair bounced and shifted. “This isn’t a fuckin’ RP, Rick! This – is real! Do you even understand what the hell is happening here?” She rose slowly to her legs; it was an awkward stand; her mind was still unaccustomed to her new body. A small wave of fear passed through as she noticed that she was somewhat smaller than Rick. Her breasts jiggled. Alex sneered. “Do you have a fuckin’ clue?!”

Rick looked hurt. “Hey, I’m just trying to help! You’re lucky I’m your friend, not some goddamn perv-“

“Elven Bride?”

“Pardon me?”

Alex was holding up a DVD labeled “Elven Bride” in her left hand and reading the back of it aloud. She paused, “Hentai!”

Rick blushed. “Hey! Don’t look at those!” He reached for the DVD, but Alex smirked and tossed it onto the bed.

“Not a pervert, hm~? Explain that!” Alex was getting great pleasure out of seeing Rick squirm a little bit, after his playing the stoic in this conversation.

Tap... Tap…

“What do you think I’m going to do, reach over there and squeeze your tits?” Rick sneered at Alex, clearly pissed.

Tap. Tap.

“Try being the one WITH the tits!” Alex shot back, turning away; giving Rick a side view of the gentle slope of her breasts; he thought they looked bigger than a moment ago.

Tap-tap-rap-a-tap!

“You’re the one who always WANTS it in the RPs, ALEXA!”

RAP-A-TAP-TAP!

“HOW DO I KNOW THIS ISN’T ALL JUST SOME SICK FANTASY OF YOURS BROUGHT TO LIFE?! I OUGHT TO JUST-!”

RAP-TAP-TAPPITY-RAP-A-TAP-TAP!

Alex twisted her body, hearing the sound. “Where the hell is that sound coming from?!”

“MY fantasy?! Are you crazy? I-“ Rick heard it now.

Their eyes scoured the room for the source of the tapping. If they had not been shouting, they would have heard it from the beginning. Suddenly, they realized it was coming from the window looking over the backyard. The blinds were shut so no one could see in, but a crack of light beamed down on the ground.

Alex stared at the window, while Rick edged toward it. Raising a hand of caution, he whispered, “Stay right there…”

The tapping grew louder as Rick seized the drawstrings for the curtain, wound it around his left fist, and yanked down as hard as he could. Light flooded the room, and with it…

A tapping black fingernail, attached to a slightly tanned hand, above which was a long mane of black hair, attached to a (literally) devilishly handsome face set with two light amber eyes and a knowing smirk, attached to a neck, above which the window ended.

“Hiya,” said the floating man, “your friendly neighborhood incubus, at your service!”

Alex dropped the coverlet. In the warm air of the room, her sensitive breasts jiggled a little more than they were capable of earlier…

Part 5: Incubus Inquiry

Rick pressed his right index finger to the glass, still holding and twining the blinds up in his left hand to prevent slack. “Who the hell are you?!” He sneered.

Without the slightest hint of difficulty, the magician’s body phased through the window and the above wall. It startled Rick so much that he stumbled backward. The man’s legs were parallel with the rest of his body. Meanwhile, Alex was strangely enraptured by the man’s appearance.

Their intruder flipped over and landed on his feet, spreading his arms like an eagle. “Tada!” He wore faded black pants, bleach white at the knees, a black tee-shirt that read, “If your life sucks…” on the front. His pants were unbuttoned at the top, apparently on purpose if one were to judge by his overall appearance. The implacable smile fastened itself with secrets.

Moving forward with quiet grace, he seemed to float as he took Rick’s right hand and clasped it between his own hands. Claw-like fingernails dug into the flesh as he shook Rick’s hands. “’ey there, buddy, pal, amigo, tovarich, mon freud, and whatever the hell else you call it. How’s it goin-?” Before Rick could respond, “Gah-reat, good to hear.”

The man slipped by Rick’s left side, slapping him friendly on the back. He drove his hands into his pockets as he approached Alex.

Rick turned around, free of his temporary paralysis. His eyes were attracted to the man’s shirt, which read the completion of the front’s sentence, “I’m doing my job right!” Rick’s eyes would have been drawn back up a little, and to the right, toward his friend’s bust, but it was drawn down toward the man’s lower backside. A long black tail snaked out from the man’s pants, and ended in a strangely phallic way.

Alex remained paralyzed, even more so as the man came closer. He had an aura about him that she found irresistibly attractive, for reasons she would not learn until later. It was this attraction that prevented her from resisting as this man deftly lifted her chin with his left hand; the fingers’ touch felt like a sensual massage, numbing her to fear. She had an overwhelming desire for more of this sensation, but it was momentarily denied. Instead, she found herself staring straight into those light amber eyes.

The man reached for Alex’s left breast. His left hand snapped back from her chin and seized Rick’s right wrist. Rick had been preparing to grab the man by the shoulder. Caught unawares, the pressure on his wrist was agonizing. Meanwhile, the man fondled Alex’s breast affectionately, tracing his fingers along the curve and squeezing gently. With a final pleasing squeeze, he released her breast. Alex moaned.

“My name is Drazzmik,” said the man in a pleasing tone, seeming to pick up on her thoughts. Rick tried to speak, but Drazzmik applied greater pressure, causing him to groan in agony instead. “You are attracted to me because I am an incubus.”

Rick recognized the term. An incubus; a male demon that slept with women and stole their souls, said by some to be irresistible to all women. And apparently quite strong, too.

“Nice tits by the way. Getting bigger by the minute, though you could hardly tell unless you measured them every hour.” Hefting Alex’s left breast with his right hand, Drazzmik kissed ,then licked the mammary; Alex groaned as her nipple stiffened. Drazzmik released the breast and chuckled. “The best part for you is that they’ll never be TOO heavy.”

Hearing Rick’s discomfort, Drazzmik sighed. “I guess I’ve held you long enough… Rick.” The demon released his captive, who instantly pulled back and rubbed his wrist, trying to restore circulation to his hand.

“What do you want with us?”

“It isn’t obvious? Geez, you humans are stupider than I imagined.” He turned around to face Rick, lifted his legs into a seated position, and floating, rested his head against Alex’s cleavage. She raised her hands to push him off, but she might as well be chained to a wall. Her hands came close to his head and, at an unspoken command, she found herself forced to massage his scalp against her growing bosom, in silence.

Drazzmik sighed. “That’s better… Okay, here’s how it works. You two had a wish, and I, in my supernatural generosity, decided to grant it to you. Nice, huh? See, you two wanted this situation. Now,” he gave Rick a halting gesture, “before you say anything, you should know that I’ve read your IM conversations, and I know about all your sexual predilections.” He saw Rick sweating the ‘blackmail sweat’. “You like your TG/BE RPs, with big-tits here, that’s you, Alex, becoming a girl with growing breasts. I know you’ve got some variation on it, but it’s almost always the same, isn’t it?”

“But…” Rick blurted, “THIS is not an RP! You can’t do this to us!”

Alex was struggling with the silence her captivator had given her. Her new indiscipline was horrifying.

“Nonsense, I can do anything I want. And I just want to make you both happy.” Oddly, his words had a ring of truth. “I’ll even tell you how I did it.”

He pulled away from Alex’s breasts and stood up, turning and giving her a wink that made her blush despite herself. She folded her hands over her breasts demurely and looked askance.

“Last night, after you both logged off, I turned Alex here into a girl at midnight, and even includeda breast-growth enchantment. Then I transported her to your bed, Rick.”

“But why do this…?!” Rick protested.

“That’s easy…” The incubus chuckled. He paused, savoring the next words and the accompanying discomfort from his hosts. “… I want you to have sex with each other.” For fun, he released Alex’s lips.

Alex’s face went pale. “I- I’m not having sex with anyone!” This made Drazzmik nearly bust a gut with laughter. “S-stop it! Stop it! I’m serious!” She tried to grab Drazzmik by the shoulder and shake him, but to her surprise, he seemed to have vanished.

Chuckling from behind. Before Alex could turn, a single super-strong hand pushed her forward. She fell into Rick’s arms, growing breasts pressing flush against his naked chest; hard nipples pressing against muscle. A rush of pleasure rippled through her flesh.

And below, Rick felt himself grow harder. He stared into Alex’s bewildered eyes, her inviting ruddiness, and her deep cleavage. His hands had reflexively wrapped around her back.

The demon chuckled, absorbing the sexual energy like food. “As you were saying…?” He smirked, but his smile turned almost to frown as he saw the couple not immediately acting upon their fantasies. His next few words were dark and unforgettable. “Let me put it another way… you two either fuck, or Alex here will never be a boy again.”

The blush drained from Alex’s cheeks. “What…?” She croaked, “never?”

Drazzmik nodded, quite serious, but nevertheless finding this comical. “Upon the third midnight from last, I will induce sleep on your form. Then I will enter your dreams, have sex with you, and devour your soul. Rick will live,” he looked up at Rick, catching his eyes, “but I imagine that when an anonymous caller informs the police Rick has a dead girl in his bed, his next opportunity for a sexual relationship will be at a permanent cell in the local prison.” The color drained from Rick’s face. Drazzmik tilted his head back and chuckled.

“Yes,” Drazzmik tilted his head and resumed his depraved grin, “I thought that would catch your attention. So, which is it, you two?” He tilted his chin down and folded his hands together. “Fuck now… or fucked later?”

Alex and Rick returned their mutual gaze to each other; they could feel their hearts beating between their chests. Alex’s breath was a little fast, and Rick thought her breasts were pressing a little harder against him.

“I’m waiting…”

“C-could you leave?” It was Alex who said it, surprising Drazzmik. To his surprise, he had subconsciously released a bit of his hold on her. He quirked an eyebrow. He COULD leave, or he could induce an almost painful orgasm in her body.

“For…just a moment, please. Le-let Rick and I… talk about it.”

Drazzmik relaxed. He sighed and yawned. Well, wasn’t she brave? “All right, if you say so,” he figured there was nothing they could do to change the matter, so what did he care? Stretching his arms, legs and phallic tail, the demon’s frame sank into the carpet. “Just call me when you’re done talking. And… don’t wait too long now…” He winked at Alex, inducing a strange tingling sensation in her most sensual areas. The demon vanished.

Part 6: Sexual Indecision

Rick placed his hands against Alex’s shoulders. “Alex… do you want to?” He looked… concerned, genuinely concerned. His hands gently massaged his best friend’s shoulders.

Alex trembled beneath his touch. Her bosom swelled. She bit her lip and had her head turned to the left. “Rick, I- I-“ her stomach sank, and she could feel the tears welling. This was all just getting to be too much. “I don’t know… Rick, I’m still a virgin. And… as a girl, if I…” she took a stuttered breath.

Rick gave Alex a reassuring smile as he rubbed her back. He stroked her right cheek. “It’ll be all right, Alex… It’s just once, and… we can wait, if you want.” Part of him wanted to be done with it; to embrace her in the throes of a passion neither could keep; he would be a hero, letting her return to manhood. On the other hand, he wanted her to remain female longer, to let those jiggling mammaries grow… and why not? Surely, part of him replied, he did not want to force her into a decision now; why not wait? See how it played out. After all, they still had two and a half days…

“Can we…” Alex paused. Her words could decide everything; they could do it right now, and be done with it. But- everything, everything was just so- so bewildering. Maybe there was another way. And if they did it, she might return to her own place, far away. Was it worth it to end it right now with so much up in the air? No, surely she could wait. “Can we wait, Rick?” Alex smiled brightly. After all they still had two and a half days….

Her friend nodded. He gently squeezed her shoulders. “Alex, I’ll be ready when you are. Just, one thing…”

“What’s that?”

Rick winked. “Let’s not wait too long. Our friendship won’t be much good if you’re dead and I’m in prison…” He smirked.

Alex stifled a giggle. Dark humour. She giggled louder. Rick chuckled lightly. Rick’s body tingled with pleasure as Alex’s greatly enlarged breasts pressed to his ribs. Alex enjoyed it, too. And there was something about the sensation itself… her breasts slowly, imperceptibly growing. She closed her eyes, and they held each other for long minutes.

Epilogue: Demon Musings

The false embrace of unknown lovers; an artificial touch of make-believe passion; yet all too real in this moment, all too undeniable. And in the background of this passion tapestry, a lone black-winged figure sat, floating in the ether of a dimension beyond this, peering into ours. His perturbing light amber eyes were alive with merry dark amusement. He would watch how things played out between the two demon-crossed lovers. There was plenty of time. After all…

…they still had two and a half days.

Fin











Author’s Notes

The story ends on a high note, allowing the reader to imagine how the next 2 ½ days may play out, and making those first few hours more intense. The theory is that the reader gets to know the characters better this way. However, I might make a sequel that spans the next 2 ½ days… (with considerably more content)

As you may have guessed, the title “Incubusted” is a double-entendre. It refers both to the fact Drazzmik “busted” them on their fetishes, and that he is using his power to make Alex’s bust larger.

Drazzmik has a back-story that, among other things, explains why his powers do not always work properly, and why he has light amber eyes, instead of black. If I do a sequel, you will find out more…

There were two part of the story particularly difficult to work on: Rick’s personality, and the dialogue immediately following the point where Drazzmik pushes Rick and Alex together. The problem is finding realistic dialogue.

I kept the BE subtle but constant to add energy to the story. Too little, and it goes by unnoticed. Too much, and it completely overrides everything else in the story (including the TG’s after-effects!). I hope the balance was adequate; again, if I write a sequel, there will be more, and it will play a larger part.

“Elven Bride”, to my understanding, is a hentai parody of “Record of Lodoss War”.
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Last edited by GearRyu; 08-13-2006 at 02:06 AM.
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Unread 01-22-2006   #2
Jynxed151
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I think that was pretty cool, not quite the way I'd do it. then again you don't see any stories here by me. I am not a writer. If you decide to write anything else you can bet that I'll read it.
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Unread 01-22-2006   #3
crimson x
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its interesting, and a slight cliff hanger, which i have always liked personally.
if, you continue the story instead of that being the fin, i'd sure as hell read it
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Unread 01-22-2006   #4
GearRyu
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Yes, it seems to be the general response that people think it is rather short. My new plan is to revamp that a little and label it as Chapter 1. Chapter 2 would cover either the rest of the day, or about a 24 hours period. Probably. Everything is up in the air until I actually type it out on my word processor.

Glad to hear you are enjoying my story. I strongly encourage constructive criticism. If you like the story, tell me the parts; if you have problems with some parts, or even the concept itself, tell me what you think is wrong, and how to make it better.

That said... almost at 500 views. Coo~l!
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Unread 01-22-2006   #5
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Well like I told you online earlier last night, I really enjoyed reading it, especially since I wasn't quite expecting it to end that way. I dun think I was expecting an incubus to show up either, but that may have been because I was sleepy. But yea, I would totally like to see a part two, I wanna see how they solve this whole thing ^^
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"Wow I'm so perceptive..! I'm good! Inoue Orihime! At only 15, her female instinct has awakened!" ~~~ Orihime Inoue, Bleach chapter 180
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Last edited by MiyoChan; 01-22-2006 at 01:04 PM.
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Unread 01-22-2006   #6
Captain Ash
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I like your story. And what I like most is the fact, that Rick got his TG-fetish probably from Ranma 1/2.
That's funny, because it was this series that paid my attention to this kind of stories.
When this manga was first published at stores in pink-cover with a cute girl and a martial artist, I thought it would be some kind of love-story for girls. After some weeks when it still was on the front shelfs in the book-store, I just took a look to find out what kind of shit it was, why girls are probably buying such things.
Then I figering out that this manga contains martial art and nudity and even a curse of turning a boy to a girl. After that I had to admit: I love this shit.^^

Sorry, I hade digress from topic, but I couldn't resist.
Okay, back to the story.
The whole plot was exciting with the girl in the bed till it ends up with the demon.
I also like the kind of descriptions of the story with "the silk on the bed" and Rick tried to encourage his friend that he always wanted to be a woman.

However, I wonder why Alex didn't noticed that he turned into a woman, he even reacts like a woman when he woke up; that was my impression.
Rick believed too fast, that this woman was his friend from far away.
These were the only criticisms I had in this story, though they weren't really disturbing.

Besided, I don't get it why the demon wants that Rick and Alex have sex with each other; but probably this is a secret you won't tell till next chapter.
But I don't believe that he will turn Alexa back to Alex and letting slip a woman's soul that easily.
Your story also contains BE, which I'm not a fan of it, but I think it fits the story, giving Rick a reason to let Alex stay a woman a bit longer.

I hope I will read soon more of your story and how it continious.

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Unread 01-22-2006   #7
GearRyu
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I wonder why Alex didn't noticed that he turned into a woman

He did notice, but he was in denial. Imagine if you woke up and you saw your right leg was missing. You might be able to see that your right leg is missing, but you KNOW you would have to touch the empty spot where your right leg was before you fully admitted the fact to yourself.

Rick believed too fast, that this woman was his friend from far away.

Fair enough. It is a little debatable, but you might be right about that one. I will look it over and see about revising their initial interaction.

I don't get it why the demon wants that Rick and Alex have sex with each other; but probably this is a secret you won't tell till next chapter.

Huahahahaha.... Yes, you will just have to wait to see exactly why Drazzmik handled things the way he did. The only hint I will give you for now is that Drazzmik has a couple things separating him from your average incubus. And those things are-
Well, you will just have to wait for the next installment. :-D
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Unread 01-22-2006   #8
Agent M
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Pretty tasteful, I think you did a rather nice job on it. Nicely done.
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Unread 01-23-2006   #9
jon5509
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I have to say this is some of the best work I have seen. I am not really much of a TG fan (although it is starting to grow on me), the BE content is what I like the most. The way that you presented also set this story apart from others I have seen at other sites.

(The fact that they have to have sex is an interesting twist. One that i like.)
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Unread 01-23-2006   #10
SkruLuce
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I agree with Agent M...very tasteful, and its been my experience that most TG and BE stories seem to have nothing more than a cheesecloth plot thrown over a badly written sex-scene. Not to say that I haven't seen a story with a decent plot have a sex-scene, but they usually aren't as obvious as the others. I await the next chapter with glee. ^-^
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Unread 01-24-2006   #11
GearRyu
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Thank you all for the incoming views (and over 1000 reads! Woah! Mind-boggling! O.o)

And now to address your criticism...
as jon said, he prefers the BE content. Although the story is primarly focused on the result of the TG, the BE already in place will have an appreciable result in the beginning of the 2nd chapter and a new "problem" (BE-related) will be in place by the end of said chapter.

As SkruLuce stated, a lot of TG/BE stories involve heavy amounts of sex. For me, sexual content is of secondary (or less) importance to good story. You may note that despite the story already involving a boy TGed into a girl with BE, his best friend right there, and an incubus involved, there has been no sexual activity beyond various forms of foreplay and innuendo. All intentional. I actually have an explanation for Drazzmik's handling of the situation, which will be first explored throughout the 2nd chapter. To paraphrase Stephen King, you read a story for the journey, not the ending. The best is yet to come.

I think the third chapter is the one I am most looking forward to scripting. I have a tentative idea of how the latter half of the 4th chapter, and the final chapter, will play out.

By the way, part of my new plan is to revise each preceding chapter when I script a new chapter. You will find some of your criticism thrown into the revisions. Therefore, each time I represent a chapter, it will be a more enjoyable read.

About half way to 2/3 through the first draft of the 2nd chapter. Seven pages and growing (no pun intended ;-) ).

By the way, approximately what cup-size is Naga, from Slayers? "Why?" you ask. You will find out later. It has relevancy.
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Now accepting story commissions.

My TG/BE/TF/SW story, "The Reluctant Salesman": http://www.process-productions.com/f...ad.php?t=20765

My BE/MG/GTS story, "The Perfect Evolution": http://www.process-productions.com/f...fect+evolution

My TG/BE Story, "Incubusted": http://www.process-productions.com/f...ght=incubusted

Last edited by GearRyu; 01-24-2006 at 07:41 PM.
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Unread 01-25-2006   #12
GenericName
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Excuse me for oa moment, I have to pick my jaw up off the floor.
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