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Unread 04-16-2016   #1
londox
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A Small Part,

Hey all, Long time lurker First time poster and all that. I have been working on a story Thinking about selling it on Kindle, but decided to put the first bit here to gauge interest. It's a bit different fair, the main character isn't going to shrink much more than to about 4'6" and it's a slow shrink taking the course of a week to go from 6'2" to 4'6" anyway feedback is appreciated. in the mean time here is the first bit-
A Small Part

“ Five foot seven in heels!” Melody muttered angrily marching from the audition room and out on to the street “fucking midgets! That’s all they want!” she continued gnashing her teeth trying to let out her fury without letting anyone in the studio offices see her anger. While she would have liked nothing more than to go full on postal on thee studio phonies and agency weasels, she also wanted to work in this town again. And why the hell shouldn’t she, She was attractive, young and talented to boot. She had 6 very successful years on everyone’s favorite sitcom, “Winter’s Wonderland” as Ashley Winter the precocious daughter or professor Gary Winter, She was cute, lovable and had no end of popular catchphrases, at least until puberty and an awkward growth spurt, made her screen time slowly erode. She opened the car door slammed it behind her and let out an angry tirade of screams and obscenities that would make a longshoreman blush. “Jesus Mel, you might give me a warning the next time you wanna freak out. I just spilled an almost perfectly rolled joint.” Melody looked to her right as her room mate sat bits of leaves on his pants and a nearly empty rolling paper. The ridiculous sight almost made her crack a smile, but she still had far too much anger from her audition. “I was turned down again, do you believe this shit?” She belted as she put her Camry into drive and began to push into traffic. “Well if you displayed the same sparklingpersonality here that you did in the audition, I can kind of see why” Wyatt said still trying to rescue bits of bud that were scattered on his pants. “With that attitude Wyatt, I can understand why you and Jason broke up.” Melody shot back, beginning to fight back a few tears through the anger. Wyatt considered ripping her a new one, but he could tell she was hurting, and that she was paying the rent didn’t hurt. “look, Melody, I get it you didn’t get this one. But its not like Hollywood is bereft of parts, you know?” This only seemed to make Melody angrier. “Oh sure land of and fucking honey! I mean I could have been Black Widow in the Avengers, or Rey in the new Star Wars movie, or maybe the romantic lead opposite Tom fucking Cruise! Those roles just fall out of the sky right? I mean I only aren’t signing to be in a big Wes Anderson film RIGHT NOW because of the fact that I am six foot two and the director was thinking maybe Five foot seven in heels! I know I can probably make a few more adult movies for all the perverts who want to see “Little Ashley Winter take a dick from every orifice kind of crap, but despite what you may believe I want a little more from my career, thank you very much!” “Ok,” Wyatt said calmly handing her a lit joint, “Is it?” Mel replied, her voice laced with venom. Wes calmly stated. “Let’s go home, chill out, and maybe call that agent of yours, let him have both barrels.”

The rest of the car ride was spent in silence other than the occasional angry obscenity from Mel. Once they got back to her house, mel tossed her keys into the bowl on the counter and sat herself on the couch turning on the TV, and stewing over her bad day. Wyatt tossed the phone in to her lap. “Call him,” Wyatt said calmly “Either he can find you work, or you can rag on him for a change.” The scowl on Mel’s face could have melted steel. She snatched the phone up and angrily dialed. “MURRAY!” She yelled the minute the phone picked up and she heard the falsetto voice of his assistant. “Hold for Mr Abromowitz please” and the phone went immediately to hold, every second adding fuel to Mel’s fire. Moments later after a few bars of what sounded like Stairway to Heaven being played on a pan flute, Murray picked up his cheery greeting feebly hoping to allay his client’s obvious anger. “Melody! Baby doll, how’s my favorite client?” Murray’s greeting met with cold silence. “That bad huh?” he continued, “Well never mind that Wes Anderson picture, old Murray’s got you a gig!” “Let me guess, it’s an adult film or a commercial isn’t it?” Mel growled. There was a slight pause then Murray continued “Ever hear of the Lords of Dragonkeep books?” “No” Mel replied her mood softening at the revelation that this might actually be good news. “Some new fantasy series, supposed to be huge, and with lord of the Rings and Game of Thrones banking so much cash, Paramount jumped on the rights. They got Danny Mclure to direct, and he wants you for a part, first choice. You don’t even have to audition. We just need to meet him tomorrow, at 10am at his office, to discuss terms.” Mel sat quietly, unsure if this was really a dream job that just dropped in her lap, or was there some huge catch. Mel had worked with Danny when he was a PA on winters, and she always got along well with him. While it is impressive that a major studio had handed him such a supposedly big project, he had won several awards for a couple of indy films he did last year. So it wasn’t completely implausible. Furthermore if Murray was right and this was a no read deal it was in the bag. Of course this could also be a bit part, or some random mo-cap scene or a throw away extra, that people will remark up on once the film was released. “What is the part?” she asked. “The character they want you for is called Alleya princess of the dryads. She’s a lead character. You might wanna pick up the book before tomorrow to get a feel for the character.” Mel paused. “Sounds good Murray, I’ll see you at ten.” She disconnected still stunned and 100% unsure what to make of the situation.

After a moment of silent contemplation her attention was broken from Wyatt emerging from his bedroom. “So I kinda expected to hear a few more hours of you screaming like a queen bitch at your agent. Everything went silent, are you O.K.?” She looked up at wyatt from her slumped position on the recliner. “I got a gig.” “Then why aren’t you celebrating girlfriend? There is something you aren’t telling your roomie and number one member of your entourage.” Mel paused before speaking “ I’m not sure what to make of it. The part is some fantasy movie based on a book called lord of dragons or something, and they want me to play a dryad princess.” Wyatt interrupted her “Lords of Dragonkeep? Holy Shit! And they want you for Alleya? Aren’t you a bit too tall? I mean she’s like under 5 foot tall in the book and constantly being mistaken for a child.” Mel sat in silence, unsure what to say, She knew that Danny was there at the end, he knew she wasn’t 12 any more, and yet could he be somehow blind to that fact? Was she about to goin for aa “sure thing” only to find an apology, and maybe a pity casting as some random ass extra? Or maybe Murray got his wires crossed, on which part is hers. Maybe some other client is playing this pixie girl thing, and there is another part in the book that is all her. Or maybe he got his wires crossed on her being offered the part. Mel went to bed, Wyatt’s dogeared copy of the book in hand and read herself to sleep, not once finding a mention of a kick ass amazon character that seemed right for her. It was a shame really If she wasn’t like over a foot too tall for Alleya, she seemed like an amazing character. I don’t know maybe He’s planning a whole forced perspective thing like lord of the rings dead. Mel drifted off to an uneasy sleep before waking up and preparing for a meeting that may be a major turning point in her career, or a massive mistake.

She met Murray outside Danny’s office at Paramount. The whole area brought back memories. She first shot here in a small part in Kid’s Club, when she was just eight years old playing the part of Missy. That was when the acting bug first hit her and when Hollywood began to notice that adorable, sassy little moppet. Not so little now mind you. “You ready to be a huge star kid?” Murray asked full of enthusiasm. The good news is Murray didn’t act surprised to see her, so at least he didn’t give the wrong client the news. If she was going to have her dreams shattered, at least Murray wasn’t the one to blame. “Let’s see how the meeting goes.” Mel replied, world weary “Then I’ll let you know.”

They sat in the waiting room for about 12 minutes, each minute seeming like an eternity while other actors came and went. Some were rising starts like that guy sitting 3 chairs down who was that martial arts guy who was in that big Hong Kong film from last year. Others were veterans and nobodies. Carol, Danny’s secretary finally called, “Melody, Price, Mr. Mclure will see you now.” Melody followed by Murray made their way back to Danny’s office, nervous as hell, but trying her best not to show it. As she opened the door, she saw Danny, same five o’clock shadow, same 80’s band t-shirt wardrobe, rising to meet her gaze and looking up at her. “Mel!” he said his voice full of optimism and cheer. Melody felt a bit at ease. “Hey Dan, long time no see.” Mel said, a bit of nervousness in her voice. “Not since Winter’s,” Danny shot back, “how have you been?” “Honestly, a bit confused.” Mel said holding up Wyatt’s well worn copy of the novel. “I was told you want me to be Alleya, am I right?” Dan’s eyes widened as a smile crept on his face. “You have been reading the book! Awesome! What do you think?” Mel paused and looked at the skyline, trying to ask the question that could lead to her walking out jobless. Danny took her by the hand and sat her on the couch. “I get it you are concerned about the height difference, am I right?” Mel thought of about a thousand snarky ways to retort before setting on, “Well, yeah.” Danny started to look at her quite intently. He almost seemed to be trying to see into her soul. “Melody, I wanted you for this role, because of your range, and your personality. When I read this book, I couldn’t stop seeing you in the part especially that exchange with the Wizard Eobard as they are discussing the quest. Classic Melody if you ask me. I know it’s a bit of a change, but this is the same studio that can turn some plywood, and Christmas lights into a starship that visits strange new worlds. I have been talking about this with some of our effects gurus, and we have a fix.” Mel asked, “And what is that?” Mel asked, curious to hear the solution. Danny smiled and said “Some actors have to lose weight, you my dear will have to lose some height.”



Chapter 2
“What the hell are you talking about?” Mel said incredulously. “It’s not like going on a diet to lose some weight, or hitting the gym to build some muscle tone.” Danny smile a wide almost chesire cat like grin. “You’re absolutely right, it will be way easier.” He stood up and crossed the room. Reaching into a drawer on his desk, he produced a vial. “It’s really simple, one of our studio’s subsidiaries developed this stuff for the aerospace industry smaller pilots means smaller vessels, means more room for other parts, well they couldn’t get them small enough to make it worth their while, saying that we have found a more unorthodox use for it, editing an actor’s size. Before if we wanted to make 5’11” Uma Thermon appear to be smaller than 5’7” Tom Cruise, we would have him stand on a box, or have Uma stand with her legs apart to appear shorter, but this might mean in one scene she might look to be 3 inches shorter, in another 6” and in other shots she might be eye to eye with him. But this creates continuity issues. Instead we can just inject her with the right amount of this and voila, she’s now 5’4” for the duration of the shoot. And then we can reverse the process before we start promotional tours. In this case it’s a bit different, you will be going a lot smaller, from 6’2” to 4 foot 10, when we shoot.” Mel sat intrigued. “ And what if I don’t want to go back to 6’2” when we are done?” Mel asked quizzically. “Well Melody, we could figure something out as part of your fees. Which I think you will find are adequate.” Danny passed her a contract. Half a mil and a few points on the back end. Not bad all told.

“Become petite for a job I wanted anyway, hell looks like you got yourself a dryad Danny!” Danny happily sat back. “Excellent! Once we get all the legals done, we can get you to the medical office and get you your injection.” After an hour of paperwork and forms, Danny and Murray took Mel to the studio infirmary. Mel was subjected to measurements and a blood test before the doctor came in with the needle. Measuring the vial, he turns to his patient. “O.K. Once you have received the injection you will be pretty drowsy. You won’t be able to drive or operate heavy machinery.” Murray Piped in, “Not a problem, Mel, I can give you a lift home, and get my assistant Laura to bring your car back to your place and get you anything else you need.” Mel replied “Clothes, I am probably going to need something to wear once I shrink. God, that sounds so weird.” “The actual shrinking will take about a week Mel.” The doctor stated. You may notice some special disorientation, and I would probably lay off of any mind altering substances, such as alcohol or recreational drugs.” Once you have reached your target size you are there, until we dose an antidote. And you will be this way for a minimum of 6 months. Do you understand?” Mel Smiled, “Sure, Give me the injection whenever you are ready” she said, rolling up her sleeve. The doctor cocked an eyebrow, This shot doesn’t go in your arm, You’re gonna need to drop trow.”

One pain in the ass later, Mel did very much indeed feel drowsy. She recalled getting into Murray’s car, and even driving down Wilshire, but after that it is a blur. She awoke in her bed, logey but feeling great. She stood up her skirt succumbing to gravity’s pull as she moved from the bed and stretched. “About time you got up little lady” She heard Wyatt saying as he entered her bedroom. Despite the skirt pooling on the floor, and her undies threatening to follow suit, She still wasn’t all that tiny. In fact, as Wyatt came in he immediately met her face, staring eye to eye almost on the level. “I’m not that tiny Wyatt.” she shot back. He smirked “Not yet, but pretty soon you’ll be shopping at gymboree and looking for a car seat. Maybe I can carry you around in one of those kiddie carriers.” “And maybe you can find somewhere else to crash rent-free.” Still he was right, this stuff was working. She felt different, the whole room was off. And Wyatt who was always shorter than here now seemed to be about the same size. She walked past her skirt and picked up a tape measure and did a quick check. She was not five foot, ten inches tall. It was kind of exciting. She was still on the tall side, but it was definitely different. Melody smiled. She then turned to Wyatt “So I guess you know I got the part, and how this is going to work.” Wyatt snorted “Yeah, who do you think helped Murray pull your sleeping Amazon ass out of his car.” That explained how she got to bed and why she was still in her clothes from the meeting. “How long was I out?” Mel asked. “Well it’s Sunday morning if that helps.” Sunday morning? The meeting was on Friday, In short Melody had pretty much slept through the weekend. No wonder she was hungry. “I’m gonna get a shower,” she told Wyatt, “and get dressed. Then I gotta get something to eat.” And with that she walked into her bathroom and began to disrobe. Everything she had on was loose, except her ear rings which seemed to be a bit irritating, she took them off, and for the rest tried to see how easily she could remove them without unfastening them.

She then entered the shower and started the water. The steamy water felt good on her naked skin. She lathered herself up and noticed how everything seemed a bit off. Nothing major, mind you. The loufa seemed to cover her a bit more, her muscle memory for where the faucets were failed her as she reached for them not looking. In short it was the little things. Once she was clean she grabbed her bath robe and went down stairs with it and only it on her body. As Wyatt was the only person in the house besides her and him being more interested in men, she felt no concern about walking around her own house in nothing but a robe, assuming no one was there. This time however, she assumed wrong. She wandered into her kitchen with it’s big bay windows that overlook her pool, and the rest of the valley, and was shocked. Not only because Wyatt had apparently been partying while she slept and shrank, but because there was a woman in her kitchen unexpectedly. A mousy blonde with large glasses and a ponytail, dressed like she would be at home in an office not in some actress’s messy kitchen. Mel recognized Laura Dale, Murray’s assistant almost instantly, and almost as instantly regretted not more securely tying her bathrobe. “Oh shit!” She instinctively let out as Laura looked away, somewhat shocked but trying to hide her embarrassment. “Hello, Mr. Abromowitz, wanted me to drop by with a selection of smaller clothes, for the next few days to make sure you were comfortable. I picked out a few outfits for today based on your projected measurements. Sorry if this was a shock.” Mel closed her bathrobe red faced. “No, I am the one who should be sorry, I am sure if you were going to get a full frontal scene from one of Murray’s clients you probably had someone else in mind.” It was now Laura’s turn to blush, “Well in all honesty I wouldn’t have complained to have seen James Franco like that.” “PREACH ON SISTER” Wyatt exclaimed as he began making breakfast. Both ladies let out a chuckle. “I promise for the rest of the week I will try to be more decent Laura. Thanks for the clothes.” “No problem at all.” Laura injected “However considering your condition I can understand how baggy clothes may result in another shall we say, peepshow.” It hit on Melody that maybe Laura knew a bit about this process if it had been used before, Sitting down and going through the clothes she asked Laura. “So how many actors have you seen use this method?” “Actually I haven’t seen any but you.” Laura replied. Mr Abromowitz, said you were the first actor the studio could talk into the process. Apparently, they have asked several actors and actresses on different projects but they either thought it was loony sci fi mumbo jumbo or were afraid it was real. But you are the pioneer.” “More like guinea pig” Melody said reaching for the juice. “Actually you are the first actress but the drug has been used extensively on scientists and pilots as it was originally designed for aerospace use.” Laura corrected pushing the juice pitcher closer to Melody’s reach. “Still, kinda freaky.” Mel stated, “I mean if it goes wrong I could be doll sized or something.” Laura reached in her bag and pulled out a manila folder. “I doubt it the smallest they could make a pilot on this stuff was about 2’10”. And she was 5’2” before reduction. Here is the info on the testing if you want. Also here is the script.” Laura pulled a copy of the script from the bag. I will be by tomorrow about the same time with more clothes. In the mean time I should get back to the office.”

After breakfast with Wyatt Melody, took the box of clothes back to her room, and laid them on the bed. In total it was about 3 outfits with some basic white cotton panties and bra. She let her robe slide from her body and looked at her body in her full sized dressing mirror, holding different items up to eyeball them. Melody was an attractive woman, with her redish hair in waves cascading off of her shoulders and highlighting her piercing green eyes. As for the rest of her body, she had a slender almost athletic build, with a pair of none too big, none too small breasts. She often joked they were goldielocks boobs, as for below the waist, she had made sure to shave during her shower leaving a small “landing strip” of hair, between her legs. Many guys tend to prefer fully shaved, but many guys are also intimidated by women taller than her so, fuck it. She would keep her pubes the way she preferred.

Deciding on a pair of capris, light cotton top, as well as some flats, Melody headed out into the living room to see her faithful single member of her entourage loading up a bowl, and getting ready for a nice post breakfast smoke and spongebob session. “Come on workin’ man,” She chided. “Let’s go get some groceries.” Wyatt hopped off the couch and put down his bowl. The red of his eyes being a clear giveaway he didn’t just start smoking. “Sounds good Mel, we could use some more snacks up in here.” And with that they were out of the house and into the street.

As they walked over to Melody’s Lexus she pressed the lock on the keychain and slid behind the wheel. It was obvious someone else drove it last. Most likely it was Laura, Melody adjusted the seat, and mirrors and then began to pull out. What happened next may have been an inner ear thing from the shrinking but she had almost clipped 2 different cars in less than a block. Concern for her car and for Wyatt’s nerves, she pulled over and asked him to drive.

Once they got to the Countymarket parking lot she got out stretched and grabbed a cart. Wyatt followed suit. On their way one of their neighbors passed them on the way in. Drew Langford was a music composer, most people remember him from his music for the show Fatal Inquiries. He looked at Mel and Wyatt, almost perplexed. “Hey Mel,” Drew called out “Hey yourself Drew,” Mel replied. “Something looks different about you, did you get a haircut, or lose some weight?” Wyatt snorted, almost instinctively said something about her losing height but the elbow to his gut stopped him dead in his tracks. “About 10 pounds, it’s sweet of you to notice.” Mel replied cheerily noticing that Drew stood a little taller now and thankful he didn’t notice not looking up at her.

They made their way through the store, stocking up on the essentials. Eggs, milk, bread, vodka, steaks, and prettymuch anything else they thought they would need for the week. Mel also picked up a step stool, after all, she never needed one before, but things were already changing.

After the market and a few errands Mel grabbed a salad from her favorite bistro, and headed for home. As they pulled into the drive Wyatt asked “So what’s the plan for the night?” Mel knew this normally meant he had already made a plan. “You tell me Wyatt what is the plan?” Wyatt got a bit giddy, “I was thinking hit the clubs, they’re always a little less packed on Sunday, know what I mean?” Mel sighed. “I think you’ll have to go without me tonight I Think I am gonna curl up in a warm bubble bath, and read the script. “Oh work work, work!” Wyatt protested. “Fine” but don’t shrink so small you get lost in the bubbles.” Half laughing she got out and grabbed part of the groceries. While she felt safe enough, she was still concerned that with her luck some freak accident would make the treatment all too effective. She tried to put it out of her mind. After dinner and Wyatt’s departure, she slipped off her clothes, again feeling looser than when she put them on. She was shrinking, she even thought that if she focused hard enough she could feel herself getting smaller, but that may have just been psychosomatic. She drew her bath and lit some candles. She did toss a rubber duck in the pool, Just on the off chance that she got so small she needed a floatation device. And she settled in with the script. While she was indeed still shrinking, she was in no danger of shrinking that far or that rapidly. She soon put it out of her mind as she began to pour through the script.

In her head she could already imagine how this production would work and who she envisioned in each of the roles. Maybe the cruel Lord Hod, would be like Vin Diesel, or The Rock. She had become both quite enthralled, and quite relaxed. And then she hit page 39.

EXTERIOR- FORREST OF THRANE DAY: Algers and Galen are seeking the sage that the old wizard said they would need. Galen still limping from the bugbear attack. They hear the sound of running water. Cautiously moving they stop. Their eyes widen and mouths agape, PAN to the stream and a Tiny naked figure bathing in the waters. About the size of a child, her curves belay that she is indeed an adult the elvish ears seen visibly as she rinses her hair in the nearby falls, She seems to notice the voyeurs but pays them no mind as she continues to wash herself in the crystal blue waters.

ALLEYA
This is my forest humans, I see all. That includes your slack jawed staring at my naked form. I assume you have business with me, or are you just to impolite to let one get on with their morning routines in private?

WHAT THE HELL? Mel almost jumped out of the tub. No one told her there was a nude scene! This was just like Danny! Bait and switch get her all worked up about the size thing and not even mention that she would be Tiny and naked in front of hundreds of crew and cast. This was a big deal Melody had never done a nude scene, not once. And as a former kid star she was given plenty of opportunity as soon as she turned 21, to make tons of “mature films, that would prove you have the range of an adult actress.” Which everyone knew was code for “Now that you are legal, any guy who thought you were hot as a kid will pay big bucks to see your ta ta’s honey!” She got out of the tub after a minor panic attack, and decided to try to get to sleep. Thoughts of her being so small and so exposed making sleep almost impossible.
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Unread 04-16-2016   #2
strawman1985
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Re: A Small Part,

Sounds like a good story, my favorite size range and slow shrinking is great!
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Unread 04-16-2016   #3
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Re: A Small Part,

If you do plan to sell e-books, I would recommend that you find a good proofreader. Your concept isn't bad, but I found the story a little hard to read due to various spelling, grammar, and formatting issues. Don't get me wrong, it's a lot better than some things out there, but it's not up to a professional standard.
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Unread 04-16-2016   #4
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Re: A Small Part,

Sounds good. Go for it =-)
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Unread 04-16-2016   #5
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Re: A Small Part,

Yeah I'm enjoying it so far. Would love to see more.
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Unread 04-16-2016   #6
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Re: A Small Part,

So far so good, just lacking the process as of now but hey its only the first 2 chapters.
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Unread 04-16-2016   #7
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Re: A Small Part,

The writer has grammar that wouldn't pass a grade-school English class, but the writer knows they want to sell their work on Kindle.

Could someone give the writer a reality check? This is an insane over estimation of his writing ability that is going to lead to some extremely pissed off customers. I am getting worked up just thinking that this writer might try to sell their work soon.

Look dude! Just because we buy on impulse when our imagination is stoked or we see our trigger words does not mean we enjoy paying for low skill work!
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Unread 04-16-2016   #8
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Re: A Small Part,

Well at least you aren't being a total dickhead with your opinion. So far it is an extremely rough draft, I had the idea and slapped it all down. No, it hasn't been edited, as another poster way more politely suggested. Maybe let's keep the criticisms more constructive less dickish eh?
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Unread 04-16-2016   #9
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Re: A Small Part,

Quote:
Originally Posted by qzar9999 View Post
If you do plan to sell e-books, I would recommend that you find a good proofreader. Your concept isn't bad, but I found the story a little hard to read due to various spelling, grammar, and formatting issues. Don't get me wrong, it's a lot better than some things out there, but it's not up to a professional standard.
I'm going to agree with qzar. I really like the premise of the story. I have no problem with this being an unproofed draft because, as qzar said, it's better than some things out there. What made it hard to read for me, however, wasn't the spelling or grammar but the long paragraphs.

Other than that, I enjoyed it for what it was--a first draft on this forum. It had more character depth (which I like) than many other stories I've read.
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Unread 04-16-2016   #10
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Re: A Small Part,

Quote:
Originally Posted by londox View Post
Well at least you aren't being a total dickhead with your opinion. So far it is an extremely rough draft, I had the idea and slapped it all down. No, it hasn't been edited, as another poster way more politely suggested. Maybe let's keep the criticisms more constructive less dickish eh?
Haven't been around long, have you?

LK can be...ah, kind of gruff. That was actually pretty even-tempered compared to some of the things he's said before. I'd advise you to try to avoid taking anything he says too personally. I should know; it's a lesson that took me a long time to learn.

That said, he does usually know what he's talking about, so if he says there's something wrong with your work, he very likely has a point.

I'm going to second scidram here and mention that the very long paragraphs were one of the main things I had in mind when I said there were formatting issues. It'll improve readability if you break them up more. I find that 3-6 sentences is a good rule of thumb, depending on sentence length.
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Unread 04-16-2016   #11
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Re: A Small Part,

It rubs me the wrong way that everyone is in a rush to market without any visible talent, technical experience, or research. There are many writers that push the buttons on their keyboard with their penis instead of their brain. I can't help feeling some sense of responsibility or at least enabling with my early efforts. This distaste is exacerbated when money gets involved.

You are going to have a tough time convincing me you are a serious writer when you skip the drafting and revision stage and go right to publication just so you can get eyes on your work and receive feedback. Until you post FINISHED work, Chapter 1 to The End, I don't see why you should get constructive feedback. Your biggest issues of spelling, grammar, and limited experience are front and center to your audience and yourself.

Fix the big problems first. You knew that already. Your audience are impulse shoppers. Marketing is your friend, not the quality of your work. Otherwise Clips4Sale would be out of business and many women with access to cheap technology would have to start relying on more than their audience's loose wallets for their milk money.

Show me and everyone else that you give a shit about being a good writer instead of turning your penis passion into a cash grab. Your introduction to us is someone doing it for the money, and that is going to set the tone for all future interactions.
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Last edited by LK; 04-17-2016 at 12:00 AM.
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Unread 04-17-2016   #12
Captain Ash
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Re: A Small Part,

The idea of the story is not bad.
Although I've discovered some mistakes or things that could have been done better.
The only shocking moment in this story was the planned nude scene instead of the shrinking itself.
So I hope the plot will have more twists.

This story reads more like a fan-story.
If you want to write and sell stories like a professional, try to avoid strong language, except they fit to the situation.
In my opinion your main character uses too much of them, and especially actors try to avoid them.
Even though she was a kid star, I would like to see her more ambition than acting like a diva, because she didn't get the role she wanted.

I also would give your text more structure, like more line breaks.
This would make it much easier to read.

My advice to you is: Writing is practice!
Try to write more stories and improve yourself.
Only little few people get rich by writing books, so don't rush into the e-book business.
People would give you more constructive feedback, if they see that you want to improve yourself, instead of selling them a product in process.


Greetings

Captain Ash
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