Curvaceous Cardinal Vices

[SoylentOrange]

Greed and Wrath are related to... taxonomy? @_@

[hmmm!]

Here's the pic to go along with chapter 4 of the story. Found here, for those who haven't read it yet:

http://www.process-productions.com/f...&postcount=116

[hmmm!]

For anyone who wants it, here's a new chapter and picture to the story
======


Sid and the Girls
Chapter 5: Wendy

"What's the matter, Sidney?" Mr. Kim asked him as he came out from the back room, tying his apron behind him.
"Oh, nothing much, Mr. Kim," Sid replied, rubbing his eyes. "Just didn't sleep well last night, is all."
"Really?" The elderly Korean man asked, arching an eyebrow. "I've never heard of you not sleeping well before." He grinned and shook his finger at Sid. "Let me guess... laaaady problems?"
"Wha-ha-hat?" Sid asked, laughing. "Mr. Kim, c'mon, what would make you think that?"
"Ah, you young people," He said, waving Sid off as he turned back to the shelves he was stocking. Sid smiled, continuing to the front of the store. "Ah, you young people" was Mr. Kim's explanation for everything from tourist season to global warming, so he probably wouldn't have to recount his actual woman troubles.
"Hey there, stud muffin," Linda said, surprising Sid as he tried to get the old cash register to start properly.
"Stud muffin?" Sid repeated, blushing a bit. Linda was never one to be a flirt, and the pet-name was fairly unlike her.
"David told me about your date the other night. Said you almost had your v-ticket punched by a real man-eater."
Sid blushed even further. "C'mon..."
"I'm not teasing," She clarified. "I just think it's funny that a sweet guy like you got paired up with a girl like that. They must not screen people very well there."
"Aw, I don't think she was a bad person..." Sid said as Linda started separating out the pile of plastic tubs they used to hold produce in. "She just, well, reallly liked... You know..."
"Sex?"
"Yeah," Said replied, blushing a bit and looking down as he fed the receipt roll into the register.
Linda scoffed. "You know, I'd say you're just naive, but it almost feels wrong. Your ability to see both sides of everyone is really sweet, sometimes," Linda said before setting to work getting the bins in their right places.

* * *

"She wants him," Lucy said, looking down at the store.
"Yeah, but her dad would never go for it," Wendy added. "He pretends well enough, but deep down he still hates foreigners."
"No, what he hates is people having power over him," Gail countered, "Which he instinctively ties to wealth. So long as Sid is never richer than he is, or his family, then he won't feel threatened by him."
"This is all very fascinating, really," Priscilla inoned, arms crossed over her chest, save for the fact that it is *completely* irrelevant to our mission. We are *supposed* to be watching and reading Mr. Graham."
"Oh c'mon, whaddaya want from us?" Wendy said, leaning back against a chimney and spreading her arms wide. "The kid's like trying to read a sheet of glass. No trails, no fingerprints, no nothing!"
"He's not impregnable," Priscilla said. "If you were better you could-"
"Can you?" Wendy shot back.
Priscilla looked away, her upper lip pulling towards her nose slightly. "Just because Sidney does not take pride in his station, appearance, or much anything else does *not* mean he is without flaw," She said, turning her head up to glare at Wendy. "It is *you* job to find his weakness and exploit it!"
"You know, I'm getting reeeeal tired of that look," Wendy said as she stood.
"Is that a *fact*," Priscilla said, her eyes narrowing dangerously. "You'd think you'd have learned to cope with my disappointment in you by now."
"Pfft, whatever. It's not hatred or disappointment. I've seen all those. I know exactly what all kinds of hatrd and disgust look like." Wendy laughed a bit. "No, the way your face is twisting up, it's not hate- at least, not at me."
"You are speaking dangerously," Pride said, advancing on Wendy.
"I'm tired of it because I'm not used to it," Wrath said, stepping back into a defensive pose but stepping back all the same. "Since when were you out of the loop? Since when did you not know what was going on? You're angry because you don't *know* something and it's bugging the *shit* out of you."
"It is not your *place*-" Priscilla hissed as she closed the distance between herself and Wendy, stopping mid-step with an odd look upon her face. She knew she was being observed; not watched specifically but someone was paying attention to her presence. She turned to the fire escape, all the other vices doing likewise as a pair of feet echoed up the metal steps. A Chinese man looked over the lip of the roof, squinting at the seven women.
"Wha' the hell ah you doing on mah woof?" He demanded in stilted English.
Priscilla sniffed the air a few times, getting a feel for the man's soul. "Hmm... Gail," She said, nodding her head towards the man once. Gail reached unto her cleavage, pulling out a small, tightly-wound roll of bills.
"Here's a thousand dollars," She said, flipping the man the roll of bills. "Never bother us again."
The man looked from the money to Gail, then back to the roll of bills. He undid the rubber band around them, counted out the bill, then looked back up to gail and said "Okay!" with a broad smile, merrily tapping his way back down the stairs.
"Phooey," Lucy said, hands on her hips. "Gail always gets the easy ones."
"Hey, there's a lot more people who can be bought off with money more easily than a roll in the hay," Gina said, shrugging.
"I know, I know. I just wish sometimes that we could have some studly nymphomaniac walk in on us talking shop instead of miserly geezers."
"Well hey, remember Barcelona?" Gail said. "You had the run of that place, pretty much."
"Oooh, yeah," Lucy said, copping a feel on herself and biting her lip at the memory. "But... that was like two hundred years ago!"
"Well jeeze, what do you want?" Gina asked.
"Sex!" Lucy exclaimed, throwing her arms wide.
"Can we PLEASE focus?" Priscilla said sternly, grimacing.

* * *

"So you think she'll come back?"
"Probably," Sid replied as he counted out his register. "I mean, I hope so."
"You hope?" Kevin asked. "Think she's a keeper?"
"Well, she's nice," Sid said. "We had a good time, before she ran off."
"Yeah, what was that all about, anyways?" Kevin asked.
"Well, I'm glad you're finding someone good on that thing," Kevin aid. "You think she's the one?"
Sid chuckled. "No, I'm pretty sure she'd make a good friend, but I don't know about much else. I mean, she's nice and all, just... I dunno."
"What?" Kevin asked. "What's the matter?"
"I dunno," Sid repeated, shrugging as he shut the register. "I get the feeling she'd be fine until I wanted to go do something. She's not big on 'doing stuff'."
"Well, so what're you saying?" Kevin asked. "What would you have liked better?"
Unseen across the street, six of the Sins bolted to the edge of the rooftop, listening intently.
"I dunno, I just want someone who likes to do stuff, someone with some fire in her guts, you know? I mean, if I want to just wander off in a random direction and walk around, I don't think I should have to explain why."
Five of the sins standing on the ledge of the building turned their heads to look at the red-headed woman in the black exercise outfit.
"...Aw, c'mon," Wendy moaned.
"What?" Gluttony said. "He said 'active', he said 'fire in her guts'. Who else would that mean?"
"Active?" Wendy said, turning and shaking her head while tossing her hands in the air behind her. "Pfft. Whatever. He just wants walks on he beach and crap like that."
"Well who would you suggest, then?" Lucy said, hands on her hips.
"Send Glu- Gina," Wendy said. "Just go somewhere there's a food stand and she'll be happy."
"...So long as it's not *too* far a walk, I suppose..." Gina said, twirling one of her pigtails in her fingers.
"No," Priscilla said, "Wendy is the one."
"Oh come on, he doesn't want me. He's like some sort of zen master pansy," Wendy said, crossing her arms over her chest.
"Wendy, *you* are going to go on a date with Sidney Arthur Graham, and *you* are going to tempt him," Pride said.
Wrath stopped, turning slowly and looking at Pride, her mouth slowly opening. "I know what this is..." She said, walking towards Pride. "You're setting me up. You know this guy won't go for me, you just want me to go out there and fail because I called you out yesterday."
The thinnest of smiles crossed pride's lips as Wrath marched up to within a foot of her, scowling.
"...Yes," Pride finally said, her smile dropping. "And there is *nothing*," She said, her features hardening, "you can *do*" she continued, her eyes blazing in violet flame, "about it."
Wrath's features slowly curled into a feral snarl, lips quivering and eyelids twitching as her eyes ignited in a crimson mirror of Pride's. Envy looked down at Wrath's fists, the skin creaking as her fists tightened beyond the threshold of what mortal flesh could bear.
"I... *hate*... you." Wrath said through clenched teeth.
Pride's smile returned, the fire in her eyes extinguishing. "That fact, and your utter *helplessness* to change it, brings me more joy than you will probably ever know."
A snarl more wild and evil than all the beasts of Babylon rumbled out of Wrath's chest, the tendons on her wrists and arms standing out like knife blades pressing out of her skin.
Wrath spun away from Pride, marching across the roof with a snarl. Without even slowing down, she bent three antennas and punched through a chimney before reaching the edge of the roof and jumping off.
"Um, Priscilla?" Gluttony started, looping her thumbs and forefingers around each other like the links of a chain, "I don't- not that I'm questioning your orders-"
"But?" Pride said, still watching where Wrath had jumped off.
"Well, I mean, if Father said this was important, why send someone you're certain will fail?"
Pride turned her head slightly, looking away from Gluttony and the rest of the vices. "...If the situation becomes dire, I will step in personally," She said. "For the moment, however, I have time enough to teach Wendy a lesson. And besides, we may still learn something from observing Mr. Graham."
"O-kay..." Gluttony said, frowning slightly as she followed Pride to the fire escape.

* * *

Sid was just finishing up his dinner when he heard his computer beep. He paused for a moment, not having recalled turning his computer on when he got home, but then again given how quickly he'd had to get ready because of his date with Sally he wasn't ready to discount anything he'd done or not done in his half-awake state. Sid finished off the last on his plate and put his dishes on the counter next to the sink on his way out the kitchen, turning the corner to his bedroom. When he sat down at his desk and turned the monitor on, he noticed a message had popped up in the corner. Clicking on it, he was taken to the dating site again, where there was yet another unfamiliar name waiting with a message for him. Was this normal, he thought as he clicked on the message? To get a new girl responding to you every day?
"Hey, I know Sally, she said you werea good guy. Can I come over I neeed to vent."
Sid checked his watch as he hit "reply", a spike of panic stabbing through him as he remembered his frenzied cleaning the night before for Sally.
"Right now?" He asked, hoping she wasn't already on her way over.
"Yeah," The reply came a few seconds later, causing Sid to exhale in relief. "Please? I'm really angry."
Sid looked at his watch again. On the one hand, he'd had enough of strange women dropping by every night, but on the other hand, what else was he going to do that night? She sounded like she needed someone, and if he could help he didn't see any reason why he shouldn't.
"Okay," He said. "You've got my address from my profile, right?"
"Yeah. See you soon."

Sid did some minimal cleaning, but the apartment was still more or less clean from when he'd tidied up for Sally. Still, he put away his dinner dishes and did a few other things. He was just about to fluff the last pillow on his couch when he heard someone stomping up the steps outside his apartment, sounding like each foot was trying to smash through the wooden stairs as they went up. He nearly jumped when someone pounded on his door, each blow enough to shake the walls.
"Sidney!" A woman's voice shouted. "Open up!"
"Who- who's there?" Sid asked, backing away from the couch.
"Wendy!" she shouted back. "From the inter-whatever!"
"Okay, okay!" Sid called out, rushing to the door.
When Sid opened the door, he didn't know whether to stare agog or run. Wendy looked like a combination of track star and professional boxer, all muscle and sinew and angry glare. Her shock of red hair was as fiery as the flames printed on her track pants, and what of her torso wasn't covered by her sports bra rippled with power, muscles tensing and stretching visibly under her skin as she moved and turned.
"Sidney?" She asked, still glowering.
"...Yes?" Sid replied, hoping it was the right answer.
"Call me Wendy," She said, walking in past Sid, who flinched as she passed.
"Is... is Wendy short for something?" Sid asked.
"What? No," Wendy said, flopping down on his couch and looking at him quizzically. "Why would it be?"
"Well, you said 'call me Wendy'..."
"Because it's my name, stupid," She retorted.
"Sorry, sorry," Sid said, putting his hands up. Wendy still had him a little off-balance, and he searched for some conversational anchor to right himself. "So, uh, you said Sally's your sister?"
"Who- oh, yeah, Fatass. Unfortunately," She said, kicking her feet up onto Sid's coffee table, her heels landing roughly enough to cause the items atop it to jump slightly.
"Unfortunately?" Sid echoed.
"You try living with someone whose only developed muscle is her thumb," Wendy said, pantomiming working a TV remote. "Can't get her to do *anything* that isn't centered on sitting on her butt."
"So... is that what you needed to vent about?" Sid asked, worried he was wading into dangerous waters.
"What, her? Pfft, hardly. Fatass might be irritating, but I can handle her." Wendy popped up onto her feet, grabbing a handful of hair on either side of her head and yanking it side to side. Sid flinched at each of the pops her neck made, sounding off like snapping chopsticks.
"No," Wendy said, beginning to pace in a circle around Sid's couch, "What's got me so pissed is my boss."
"Your boss?" Sid asked. "What do you do?"
"Imagine the most arrogant, overbearing, insufferable..." Wendy started, avoiding the second part of the question.

* * *

"Why is it we can't hear through these things, again?" Sloth asked.
"You know as well as I do why," Greed said.
"Well, I mean, I know we're not allowed to intercept prayers and stuff unless they're specifically directed to the low office, but we can't even hear Wendy, and she's sure as certain not talking to the other side."
"It's all part of the deal," Greed replied. "We're only allowed to watch from this side. In order to listen or interact in any meaningful fashion unless we go there ourselves. On earth, everything's fair game, but from Hell, all we can do is watch."
"Well, that doesn't seem fair," Gluttony said. "The other side can hear and interact without coming down in person."
Greed shrugged. "It's what happens when you lose a fight."
"I'm sorry, was that a disparagement against Father?" Pride suddenly said, her head snapping over to Greed.
"No! No, I'm just saying that's how things went down, is all."
Pride scowled, but returned her view to the mirror just the same.
"...I kind of don't think we'd want to be able to hear her at this point," Envy said from the back of the room. The other sins looked to the mirror, seeing Sidney backed against the wall, eyes wide as Wrath's human guise walked circles around his couch, speaking emphatically.

* * *

"...And she's only my 'boss' in the first place because she sucked up to *her* boss! She's so far up his ass you can see her face when he yawns, that no-good, pansy-ass, arrogant piece of shit!"
Sid blinked as Wendy finished her violent tirade, watching her shoulders heave as she panted for breath.
"Umm... you wanna go for a walk or something? Get a change of scenery?" Sid offered, afraid that if Wendy continued any longer, she'd punch his wall, and given how tense her muscles looked, he had no doubts that she'd be able to punch clean through it.
Wendy looked up at Sid, noticing him for seemingly the first time since she'd began her rant. Sid flinched at just how feral her expression looked, but when he looked again she was merely scowling.
"...Yeah," She said, looking over her shoulder at the door. "Yeah, let's blow this dump. In fact, I know somewhere fun we can go."
"Fun?"
"Yeah, fun," Wendy said, turning and heading for the door. "You know, that thing my boss never lets me have?" She reached the door and looked over her shoulder at Sid. "Well, you coming or what?"
"Uh- yeah!" Sid said, hurrying to follow Wendy out his door and down the stairs.

"If... if you dislike your job so much, is there any reason you can't look for another?" Sid asked as he followed Wendy out onto the sidewalk.
"No," Wendy said, scowling. "I'm pretty much stuck there. It's a contract kind of thing."
"Well, I'm sorry to hear that," Sid said.
"Don't worry about it," Wendy replied, her eyes narrowing. "Besides, she'll get hers one of these days..."
"So, ah, where are we going?" Sid asked as he followed Wendy into the seedier part of town.
"Just a fun little place I know where a girl can unwind," She said, smiling the first genuine smile Sid had seen all night.
"Unwind...?" Sid asked, remembering Lucy's concept of relaxation from earlier in the week.
"Nothing dirty, you perv," Wendy said, looking over her shoulder. "Just some good clean fun," She continued, cracking her knuckles to emphasize 'fun'. Wendy looked over her shoulder, seeing she was beginning to outpace Sidney.
"Well, c'mon!" She barked. "You wanna get there tonight or what?"
"Well, I- I mean, do we really need to run?" Sid asked.
"You can catch up on your rest the first year you're dead!" Wendy retorted. "C'mon, hup two!"

* * *

"Okay, here we are," Wendy said, stopping on the sidewalk just as the streetlights came on over the street.
"Huhh- really? A- fuhh- fish market?" Sid asked as he caught his breath. He wasn't out of shape by any means, but Wendy was tireless. She didn't even look winded.
"No, not the stupid fish market," Wendy said as she squeezed into the crowded alley next to it. "Under the fish market."
Sid said nothing as he followed Wendy into the alley, keeping close behind her as she shouldered past a great many unsavory-looking characters. Sid was normally not one to judge by looks, but even beyond the rough-and-tumble appearances of so many of the people they passed, the place just *felt* mean.
A large asian man stood in front of a pair of cellar doors, where Sid could hear the echoes of a great commotion wafting up from its depths. As Wendy made for the stairs down, the large asian man stepped to the side, blocking Wendy's path.
"I don' know you," He said in a thick Chinese accent. "Gwailos need a... spon... sor?" He continued, trailing off as his features softened from their intimidating glare. Sid craned his neck and could see Wendy's lip curled up in a vicious snarl, her teeth bared and her eyes locked on his until he wordlessly moved back from in front of her. Sid followed Wendy down the stairs, looking at the bouncer as he passed, who for his part was looking at wendy over his sunglasses with a fearful expression.
"C'mon, Sid!" Wendy yelled over her shoulder as she pushed through the crowded hallway, heading for the double-doors at the end of the hall. Sid glanced into the side-rooms as he passed, and saw them filled with things and activities that would likely cause any law enforcement official to look twice. But given the types of characters he saw in those side rooms, he thought it best to only look once and hurry along behind Wendy.

Wendy plowed through every stray soul that was even slightly between her and the doors, shady-looking characters that made the hairs on Sid's neck stand up, but either by her intense glare, feral snarl, or just sheer bravado, no one moved to reprimand her or otherwise impede her progress. Sid caught plenty of nasty looks as he followed as close behind Wendy as he could, but there was something about Wendy in her purposefulness that cowed even the toughest-looking characters, like she had an aura that repelled people. She pushed open the double doors at the end and a wave of screams and yells flew out of them. Only Sid's need to stay close behind Wendy kept him moving forward as he followed her into the throng of hollering people, nearly all of them asian, pumping their fists in the air and shouting towards the center. Above the bobbing shock of fiery hair, Sid saw a set of chain link walls in the center of the room, the tops swaying slightly against
each other. The crowd became unbearably dense, only Wendy's insistent movement forcing her and Sid deeper and deeper into the throng. Sid found himself pressed up against Wendy's back as she shoved her way through the crowd, parting the mass of bodies with surprising ease.
Finally Sid and Wendy made it to the fence, and Sid could see what it was everyone was yelling at. Two asian men were circling around each other, gauze-wrapped fists up by the sides of their heads.
"Muay Thai!" Wendy yelled as Sid settled in next to her. "None of those pansy-ass pads or anything!"
Sid flinched as one of the fighters delivered a flurry of blows to the other's head, the fighter covering his head with his arms to absorb the blows.
"Yeah! Beat him down!" Wendy yelled, hooking her fingers in the chain links and pulling her face close as she yelled.
Sid looked at Wendy, then back to the fight, flinching as the defending boxer threw out a trio of vicious kicks, impacting against the attacking boxer's sides with enough force that Sid swore he heard the slap of the impact over the roar of the crowd.
"They block with their shins!" Wendy said, looking at Sid. "Their damn shins!"
Sid glanced at Wendy and back to the fight, flinching as a drop of water fell on his forehead. The entire roof was dripping, the melted ice and condensation from the fish refrigerators up there causing a constant light but sparse rainfall. The lamps hanging from the ceiling would sway a little when each drop would land on the shade, making the edges of the lamplight seem to sway and fuss a little from the constant minor jittering of the lights.
Both fighters were bloody by this point, wicked high kicks and crushing punches having split the skin over the eyebrows and jawbones and noses of the combatants. Yet still they glared at each other, all thoughts of pain or fatigue forced from their minds as they focused solely on their rival. Sid was beginning to feel quite uncomfortable; between the riotous screaming, of which Wendy's calls for blood seemed to be the loudest, and the sheer brutality of the fight, no referee or judge or anything resembling an end besides which man goes down first, Sid felt like he was distressingly out of his element. Sometimes when he felt like this he would try to retreat inside of himself, to meditate away the chaos of the world, find the calm in the eye of the hurricane, but he didn't like relying on it too much. It reeked of escapism, of hiding from the world; after all, the problem with being in the eye of the storm is you're basically alone. Sid looked to Wendy,
who was jumping up and down in place, looking like she was about to climb up the fence as tightly as she was gripping the loops in the chain link, yelling and hooting and screaming, joy radiating off her face's every feature save the eyes. Sid turned back to the fight, just wishing it'd be over soon so they could get out of the fish market. The legality of it aside, it just wasn't something he wanted to spend a night doing.

The fight continued, and Sid tried to imagine himself in their position, beating on another human for money, fame, or even sport. He shook his head, watching as a drop of blood splattered on the floor of the makeshift ring. Why? What was the point of hurting another human being just for fun? What was the end result, Sid wondered as he watched, what was the terminus of this contest of pain?
Sid was about to turn and ask Wendy just how long she intended to stay here when the two fighters simultaneously lashed out with low kicks, their shins striking each other with deadly force. Sid gasped as one of the fighter's shins wrapped around the other's, the bone broke like a twig as the fighter's foot flopped around like a snapped rubber band. The man stepped back, the pain already registering on his face, though of course with the bone fractured so badly his lower leg collapsed under him like a rag doll's, his cry of pain drowned out by the explosion of noise from the crowd, the match coming to a very decisive and unexpected end.
"C'mon!" Sid heard Wendy yelling as she jumped up and down at the fence, "Get him! Punch him in the sack! Your arms still work, don't they? Quitter!"
Sid shook his head. He'd had enough. "Hey," He said, patting the back of Wendy's bicep, "Hey. Hey!"
Wendy spun, looking at Sid, and he couldn't help be feel a bit unnerved that no matter how happy the rest of her face seemed, her eyes never lost their somuldering intensity.
"Yeah, what?!" Wendy yelled.
"I'd like to go," Sid yelled back, trying to keep his tone as polite as he could given how loud he had to be to be heard.
"Go?!" Wendy barked back. "It's only the first fight!"
"I'd really like to go," Sid said back. "If you wanna stay, that's fine, but I don't wanna be in here anymore."
Wendy opened her mouth, but stopped halfway to saying anything. She looked to the ring, where the injured man was still being helped out, the agony etched into his face as his foot hung limply from the rest of his leg. Wendy looked at Sid, her face falling, then off to the side, back to the ring, and finally back to Sid.
"...Fine!" she said, shoving back off the fence, pushing a gap in the crowd with her back. "C'mon!" She snapped as she spun around, once again pushing and shoving her way out of the crowd as Sid followed behind. She said nothing all the way out, the bouncer at the top of the stairs giving her a wide berth as they exited.
"So, what was that?" Wendy demanded, spinning on her foot as they reached the sidewalk.
"What was what?" Sid asked, taken aback by the aggressiveness of her accusation.
"Why'd you bail after only one fight? They were just getting started!" Wendy asked, now pacing a small section of sidewalk, arms crossed in front of her.
"Look, I just- I didn't want to watch anyone else get hurt, okay?" Sid said, spreading his hands and shrugging.
"What?" Wendy asked, turning her head to look at Sid as she kept pacing. "Why? Who cares?"
"What do you mean, 'Who cares?'" Sid echoed. "I care. I mean, that guy's leg probably hurts worse than anything he's ever felt before in his life."
"Ha!" Wendy barked, stopping to look at Sid. "The leg? The leg is nothing. What hurt that guy the most was the fact that he *lost*."
"I don't think that wounded pride hurts more than snapping your shin in half," Sid said.
Wendy cocked her head, put a fist on her hip, and arched a brow at Sid. "That's because you've never fought for anything before," She said. "C'mon, let's blow this joint," She continued, beckoning as she turned and started walking down the street. Sid walked behind her, Wendy acting as a wedge parting the crowds on the sidewalks.
"I'm sorry, I-" Sid started.
"Sorry?" Wendy said, halting and spinning to Sid. "Why the hell are you sorry?"
"Well, I just-"
"Listen, you felt something, and you said it. You were even willing to walk out on me for it. As much as I might think you're a damn sissy for getting all weepy-eyed at it, that's *your* opinion and you shouldn't apologize to anyone for it!"
Sid blinked, trying to reconcile the fact that Wendy had just said one of the most self-affirming things in his life to him via insult.
"You're really something... unique, Wendy." Sid said. Wendy gave him a simpering look and turned back down the sidewalk.
"Look, Sidney," Wendy said, "Trying to be nice is good for buttering up dates, but honesty, in all its brutality, is the best course. You feel something, you say it. You want something, you take it. Someone tries to stop you, you beat them to it." Wendy turned her head, looking at Sid over his shoulder. "Well?"
"I... I don't know," Sid said, as he tried to keep up. "It just seems so... mean."
"Mean?" Wendy retorted. "What's wrong with mean?"
"Well, I mean, it's the whole point of why we got civilized, isn't it? To stop living through force, to be able to peacefully coexist?"
Wendy laughed at that one as she stepped into the street, heedless of the traffic. Sid hesitated a moment before following Wendy, her seemingly unstoppable momentum clearing a path through the traffic as easily as she had through the crowds.
"Jeeze, careful!" Sid said as he jogged up behind her.
"Mean is how anyone who gets anywhere in this world does anything," Wendy said. "Civilization is just stratifying who we get angry at and how we take it out on them."
"I just... why does it always come back to anger, to rage?" Sid asked, finally coming up shoulder-to-shoulder with Wendy. "What about the positive aspects of society?"
Wendy stopped, spinning to Sid as he walked half a step past her before he could stop himself.
"Look," She said, "every piece of 'polite' and 'positive' society was bought in blood. Gandhi couldn't have sat-in in front of Hitler's tanks, they woulda mashed him flat. King's marches would have done nothing against the Khmer Rouge except give them easy targets." Wendy jabbed a finger at Sid, the impact making him flinch. "You have to understand that anger is the root of everything good you've ever enjoyed in your entire life. Every right you cherish is there because someone got angry enough at whatever cocksucker was keeping it from them to stand up and sock them in the face and take it by force."

Wendy turned and kept going down the sidewalk, her brow furrowed. Sid wasn't buying it, and she was sick of keeping her temper in check. She'd like to just headlock the twerp and drag him back to Hell herself, but there were lines even she wouldn't- couldn't- cross. She'd had to develop her own punishment room, somewhere the wrathful would spend all eternity, the worst thing she could think of for mortals who screwed up during their time on earth. But what boss-man could do to her for bringing an untainted soul to Hell would make that look like daises.
"I just- even if that's true, why?" Sid asked, finally finding his tongue. "Why does it all have to go down? Why can't anything be built up? I don't understand why it always comes back to hate and destruction."
"Because that's the way the world works, Sid," Wendy said, edging just a bit forward of Sid's shoulders but still close enough to see him next to her. "The weak are punished by the strong, the many crush the few, that's how humans are. The only people able to change that are the stronger ones, the meaner ones, the ones who are willing to do anything to get ahead." She glared at Sid. "Why get angry? Why? I'd ask you why *not*?" Wendy looked ahead, and saw a dark-skinned man practically aglow with simmering rage a ways down the sidewalk. Bad childhood, uncaring neighborhood, felt the whole world was against him and probably rightfully so. A perfect candidate. "The world is a terrible, unfair, brutal place, and the only thing it recognizes is- hey!" She exclaimed, shoving Sid into the dark-skinned man with her shoulder and feigning a stumble. "Watch where you're going, you big oaf!"
"Say *what*?" The dark skinned man said, turning to the two of them to scowl. In the soft light of the streetlamps, the man's piercings- one in his chin, two each on his earlobes and the tops of his ears- shone in stark contrast to the way the crevices in his face seemed to gather shadows as he scowled.
"I- I'm sorry, I didn't-"
"Know he had to make excuses to weaklings," Wendy interjected. "C'mon, Sid, let's go."
"Now wait one damn minute," The man said, insinuating himself in front of Sid. "you got some kinda problem, man?"
"No, no problem-" Sid started, raising his hands and backing up a step.
"Like this guy's a 'problem'," Wendy finished. "You could totally take him."
"What?" Sid said, throwing an astounded look at Wendy.
"You tryin' to throw down, bitch?" the bruiser said, squaring his shoulders. Wendy could feel his ire bubbling up through his soul; now if she could just get Sid angry enough as well.
"You see, Sid?" Wendy said, feigning exasperation. "This is the way of the world. Bullies and thugs."
"Look, he's not- I'm not-"
"A thug? That's all I am to you?"
"No, you're not anything to me, I-"
"Oh, so I'm just a nobody huh? Beneath your attention?" The man said, advancing on Sid, who was for his part backing away.
"Look, I'm just trying to-!" Sid started, putting his hands up. Wendy followed, keeping next to Sid as he backed up, but inside she was fuming. Frustration, yes, fear, yes, but Sid just wasn't reaching the boiling point she needed.
"I think you need to get the hell out of chinatown, you and your skank girlfriend, before-"
"What was that?" Wendy interrupted, turning to look at the bruiser, shouldering in front of Sid.
"You heard me," He said.
"Say it again. I *dare* you, say that to my face one more time."
"Oh, what, now you want some, too?"
"Please," Sid interjected from beside the two, "Can't we just calm down and-"
"I'm *plenty" calm," Wendy said, hands balling into fists. "I just need to make sure jerkass here isn't about to make the biggest mistake of his pathetic life."
"Pathe- Bitch, I will slap the smug right off your damn face!"
"Bring it!" Wendy snapped back.
"Please, we don't need to fight!" Sid said, trying to come between the two, only to be shoved back.
"Last chance," Wendy growled through clenched teeth.
"Get the fuck outta-" The bruiser started, but Wendy was already airborn, a standing jump that would have made a professional basketball player jealous. The man was already bringing his hands up as Wendy bent at the waist, swinging her arms behind her as she cracked her forehead against the bruiser's. It was the proverbial two hits; Wendy hit the bruiser and the bruiser hit the ground, knocked out cold.
"Whoa! Whoa!" Sid yelled, eyes wide. "Time out!"
"What?" Wendy huffed as she turned away. "He was asking for it."
"Asking for it?" Sid asked, mouth agape as he knelt by the man's side. "You practically started the whole thing!"
"So what if I did?" Wendy demanded, turning to Sid, hands on her hips. "He'll be fine."
"He's out cold!" Sid exclaimed.
"He'll live," She said, turning away.
"You know, I really wonder what's with you," Sid said, shaking his head. "You're so... so full of *anger*," He said as he put a hand on the man's forehead.
"Yeah, well, I wasn't gonna let him talk like that to my face," she said, looking back and forth as people wandered by, snarling at any passerby who might consider stopping to look.
"And you had to hit the guy?" Sid asked, straightening the man's crumpled limbs so he at least had good circulation.
"You saw him," She huffed. "He wasn't gonna back down."
"Yeah, but that's... I mean, haven't you ever heard 'A soft answer turneth away wrath'?" He said as he bent the man's knees up, like he'd seen done to shock victims. He didn't know if it was helping, but he just felt like he had to do something.
"I mean, why, if you say that everything is so bad, would you want to contribute to it all? Make it worse?" He sighed, shaking his head. "...Wendy?" He asked, turning his head. He did a double take, whipping his head from one shoulder to the other.
Wendy was gone.

"Aaah!" War bellowed, turning her black-spattered equine muzzle to look at Wrath as she materialized in her backpack. "What're you doing there?!"
"I don't wanna talk about it," Wrath said, folding her arms. "Why's it so damn crowded in here, anyways?"
The basket Wrath found herself in was like an over-large quiver, about two thirds as tall as she was, and filed with all sorts of weapons.
"Oh, it's not like you ever need me anyways," War retorted, her tail swishing behind her as she ran, her hooves clopping heavily on the ground even though she was "running" on thin air above the Acheron.
"Yeah, well, apparently I do, so start heading back to the 8th," Wrath said, looking down at the infernal landscape. "And hey, where's your sword?" She asked, looking over War's shoulder at the three-headed flail she was carrying.
"Oh, it's in there somewhere," War said, "But c'mon, you can't expect me to use that old thing forever."
"'That old thing'?" Wrath exclaimed. "'That old thing'? It's your sword! It's a classic! I mean, it doesn't get any better!"
"Oh, it most certainly does!" War snapped. "Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the classic lines and its versatility, but..." She reached back, finding the shaft of one of her weapons in the back as Wrath side-stepped her massive hand. "*This* is something that really makes a statement!"
"Oooh.." Wrath cooed as the head of the giant double-headed axe shone in the firelight. "Oh my gosh, that is *adorable*!"
"Isn't it?" War asked, turning it over in her hand. "I saw this in Dis when I was off a few days ago and just *had* to have it."
"Oh, and look at the little two-pronged spear-end on the top of it!" Wrath said.
"Isn't it great?" War asked.
"It is!" Wrath agreed. "And it's so you!"
"You think?" War asked as she clopped along. "I mean, it's not too much?"
"Honey, for you it's never too much," Wrath said. "Me, I mean, I just don't accessorize well. I got my claws and my horns, and that's about all I look good in. The spiked leathers, sometimes, but a full-on weapon loadout? It just clashes too much."
"Oh, don't be so modest. Remember Constantinople? You're a right unholy terror with that scythe. Thought you were gonna make Death sooo jealous."
"Oh, please," Wrath said, rolling her eyes. "Flattery. I felt it was way too much for me. Just, 'here I am with my ridiculously oversized farming tool!'" Wrath shook her head. "No, I'll stick with the minimalist stuff. I can't pull off big and showy nearly as well as you."
"Oh, don't sell yourself short. I don't care what Pride thinks, you could be *marvelous* in a decent warhammer."
Wrath flinched like she'd been hit. "You had to bring *her* up, didn't you?" She asked.
"Oh, what now?" War asked. "She riding you hard again?"
"Friggin' sucker punch of an assignment," Wrath scowled, crossing her arms. "Kid was never gonna go my way, not in a million years."
"Really?" War asked. "But how bad could it be? I still laugh at your story from Gaul every now and again, that one was nearly legendary."
"That's just it- it's not like he's trying to push against it, not like others I've worked on," Wrath said, scowling. "It's like it all just slides off him."
"Does he-"
"No!" Wrath interjected, "and that's what's so damn frustrating about the kid! No mark, nada, not even a whiff of it."
"Well, geeze, why send you, then? She shoulda sent Sloth or Gluttony or one of the softer ones to work on him for a while."
"She *has*!" Wrath exclaimed "I'm the third one of us she's sent down there!" Wrath sighed. "What I wouldn't give for your job, I tell ya..."
"Aw, buck up, kiddo," War said as she approached the Malbolge. "You do good work. It's not your fault you boss is so heinous."
"Sometimes I just wanna... rrgh!" Wrath said, making a strangling motion with her hands. "She set me up. She knew I wasn't the right fit for this kid, sent me anyways, and now she's gonna be all over me because I failed. Like blaming a rock for hitting the ground when you drop it! It's just not fair..."
"...You wanna borrow something from back there? Might make you feel better."
"...Aw, that's really nice, you know, but she'd probably take it or break it just to spite me."
"Well, best of luck then," War said as she finally dropped into the crevice that the Vices' home was nestled in.
"Yeah, well..." Wrath muttered, climbing out of the basket on War's back. "I think you and I both know how this one's gonna end."
"In that case, get well soon," War said, squatting down and jumping up into the air, running off to circle Hell for the rest of her shift.

War turned to the house, the brief emotional respite being swallowed up under a deluge of resentment and anger and bitterness towards Pride.
"Make me look like an idiot, will she?" Wrath growled as she strode to the front door. Wrath slammed the door open, storming into the vice's home. Envy pressed herself up against the wall, turning her head and clamping her eyes closed, while sloth muted her television to hear better. Pride, for her part, was simply standing at the end of the foyer, arms folded over her chest. Gluttony stepped into the foyer to investigate and quickly stepped back, looking at Wrath with a mix of fear and concern as she strode past, embers floating off her hair as she quickly closed the distance between her and Pride. She let out the barest of smirks before Wrath swung her fist at Pride's face, Pride jerking her head sideways to avoid Wrath's blow, if just barely. Wrath swung with her other arm, and Pride ducked under that, which only served to make Wrath even angrier, if such a thing was possible. Greed watched from the catwalk over the foyer, one pair of arms
crossed on the railing while the other pair held her face in their palms. The two demonesses danced across the foyer, Wrath swinging and lunging and kicking at Pride, who only avoided each of Wrath's blows, never retaliating as her blue and purple wings fluttered and her serpentine tail flicked this way and that to keep her balance as she dodged and weaved between Wrath's increasingly frantic blows.
"Rrrgh!" Wrath said as she dove bodily at Pride, landing in a heap against the wall as Pride darted to the side, underneath Wrath's outstretched claws. "Why... won't... you... fight... back!?" She huffed as she pulled herself to her feet, shaking her head to get the smouldering mane of hair out from in front of her eyes.
Pride pursed her lips once, arching her brow as she looked at Wrath. "...Because you *want* me to," She said, the barest hint of a smile playing at her lips.
Wrath's face twisted up in a way that looked grotesque even for a demon of the lower circles of hell, and then she spun around, the entire foyer shaking from the impact of her fist against the wall, flecks of stone falling to the ground as a spiderweb of cracks radiated out from her knuckles. Wrath just stood there for a moment, chest heaving as she breathed through gritted teeth, staring down at the floor. Pride smirked and went up the stairs to her room, latching the door behind her. The other vices who had gathered to watch quickly went elsewhere, not wanting to be the closest thing to Wrath when she finally found the outlet for her ire she was so desperately seeking. Alone again, Wrath was finally able to stand upright, rage still boiling in her veins as her hair crackled and smoked. She turned to the front doors, striding up to them and once again throwing the door open, already heading outside when she was interrupted by a sharp impact against
the back of her head. Wrath spun, already snarling, her eyes drawn to the floor as a shrill note sounded from it. Wrath looked down to see a coin spinning itself flat on the floor, then looked up to the catwalk, where Greed was still looking down into the foyer.
"Sometimes, huh?" Greed said, looking over to Pride's door and narrowing her eyes. "Sometimes..."
Wrath scowled, but said nothing. She turned back to the door and went out into the 8th circle, slamming the door shut behind her.

[DanTails]

HEADBUTT!!!

...sorry, had to get that out of my system.

[SoylentOrange]

Not that anyone cares, but Dagwam did a great fanart of Wendy:

http://dagwam.deviantart.com/art/Fan...only-169039170

[Gobosan1]

Originally Posted by PinkPikachu

Gobosan's unofficial official 'kupo'tition.

Wait... whut?
When did this happen?

[SoylentOrange]

...The hell? ^^;

Dare I ask why you edited a year-old post in a thread (sadly) no one reads? ^^;

[cyero]

I for one am sad this isn't continued. :C

[vidgamer85]

Originally Posted by SoylentOrange

Not that anyone cares, but Dagwam did a great fanart of Wendy:

http://dagwam.deviantart.com/art/Fan...only-169039170

My GOD, who is this...this MAN among men!? We should all throw money at his feet.
*hastily covers up signature*

[SoylentOrange]

A knock at Sidney's door caused him to jump from where he was lying on the couch, and he sat up, eyeing the door warily. He glanced at his room, where the computer sat in silence. He hadn't gone to the site, hadn't connected to the internet, hadn't even turned his computer on today. He flinched as the knock came again. It couldn't possibly-
"Sid! You there?" A voice came through the door.
"H-Who is it?" Sid asked reflexively, knowing the answer as soon as he finished asking.
"What do you mean, 'who is it'?" Kevin asked. "It's me!"
"Sorry! Coming!" Sid called out as he rose from the couch and going over to the door.
"'Who is it'," Kevin said as Sid opened the door, rolling his eyes. "Sheesh."
"Sorry," Sid repeated, shuffling his feet a litte. "After the past few days..."
"What about it?" Kevin asked as he let himself in, leaning against the wall between the front room and the kitchen as Sid shut the door.
"It's just..." Sid said, gesturing vaguely in the direction of his room. "I, 'well, what kind of girl do *you* get off that dating site?"
"No nymphos in red dresses, that's for sure," Kevin grinned. "Mostly just nerdy college girls and lonely single mothers. Why, did you get another?"
"Not a nympho- and I don't really think Lucy was, strictly speaking- but yeah, another girl that was.... well, she was a handful."
"A 'handful'?" Kevin chuckled, pushing off from the wall. "What's that translate to from Sid-speak to normal English? 'Complete raving lunatic'?"
"I- well, I don't know," Sid shrugged, scratching the bck of his head. "She seemed- well, she *was*- really angry at the start, and then we went... somewhere, and she seemed like she was enjoying herself-"
"'Somewhere'?" Kevin echoed, arching a brow and putting a hand on his hips.
"Well, I mean, you know..." Sid stammered.
"Okay, this I *gotta* hear, because you wouldn't be so dodgy about it if it wasn't someplace weird," Kevin said, grinning further as he stood behind the couch with his hands on the back.
"Ah, geeze, man..." Said whined, dropping into the chair in front of the coffee table. "Okay, well, I don't remember where exactly, but under this fish market, there were these two kickboxers, and-"
"Wait a sec- the pitfighting ring they've been talking about on the news? YOu went to a pitfight." Kevin asked, his smile dropping into an astonished expression.
"Is that what it is?" Sid asked, rubbing a shoulder. "I don't-"
"Yeah, you don't watch the news, I know, mr. hermit," Kevin said. "But how the hell did you find that place? The police have been looking for it forever, they say bad stuff goes down there. People have *died*."
"What?" Sid asked, looking at Kevin to see if he was playing another joke on him. "No, man, I- I mean, I just sorta followed her there, and they let her in."
Kevin just shook his head. "Crazy." Then, after a brief pause: "...And that was what she wanted to do for a date?"
"She was pretty upset about something that had happened at work, apparently. She vented to me about her boss and then wanted to go out. I think she was spoling for a fight, really."
Kevin whistled. "Wrong place to go looking for a fight, unless you wanted to get shanked."
Sid huffed a laugh out his nose. "No, she'd do okay. She was really strong. Like, *really* strong. She actually did get in a fight on the way back, and she dropped the guy in one hit."
"What, she kick him in the balls?" Kevin laughed.
"No," Sid said, his eyes widening as he shook his head at Kevin. "She headbutted him. She *jumped* and headbutted him. And the guy was a good four inches taller than me!"
"...Good grief," Kevin said.
"Yeah," Sid nodded. "So, yeah, I'm staying off the dating service for a little bit. Maybe I forgot to click the 'no crazy people' box."
"I'll say," Kevin said, leaning back against the wall. "Though I gotta say I'm almost a little jealous. None of my dates off the service have been nearly as interesting as yours."
"Well, the girl the night before was nice," Sid said, thinking back on Sally. "I just wish she hadn't run off so suddenly." Come to think of it, he thought, most of the girls he'd dated so far- all of them, actually- had ended their dates abruptly, usually in the middle of when he was talking for some reason or other.
"So a nympho, a normal girl, and a psycho," Kevin said, shaking his head. "You sure can pick 'em bucko."
"Well hey, it's not like-"
"Sounds like what you need is something to relax with," Kevin continued, pushing off from the wall again. "C'mon, let's go play golf, my treat."
"Golf?" Sid asked, open to the idea if a bit surprised- Kevin didn't strike him as the golfing type.
"Yeah, frisbee golf!" Kevin replied, heading for the door as Sid got up from his seat. "I even know a course not too far from here. C'mon, it'll be fun!"
Sid followed Kevin out the door, if a bit hesitantly. After the week he'd had he just wanted to relax on his day off, but on the other hand he'd try anything once.

"Report on the friend?" Priscilla demanded as she watched Sidney follow the other man down the sidewalk away from his apartment.
"Nothing on my end," Gina said.
"Oh, I could *So* take this kid," Lucy grinned, twirling a lock of her hair in a finger.
"I could probably get him, too," Gail said, "Though it's more Erin's deparmtnet than mine- what he has he wants to keep for himself, mostly, but more than that he just wants more."
Erin nodded.
"...And what about you?" Priscilla asked, looking at Wendy, who was staring at the two with her arms crossed under her chest.
"Nah, he's pretty- Oh!" Sally exclaimed as both Wendy and Priscilla looked at her. "I'm not the one in trouble this time, heh," She smiled.
Wendy scowled and looked back at Sid and Kevin, but she could feel Priscilla's eyes on her. "All right, all right, I got nothin', you happy?" She finally spat.
Priscilla just sniffed as she jumped across the alley from one building to the next, lips pursing just slightly. "Well, he doesn't have a mark on him, so I don't believe he will be a considerable hinderance to our efforts, but it is good to know his weaknesses regardless," She said. "It is an embarrassment to both myself and Father that your efforts thus far have been so woefully inade-" Priscilla froze mid-sentance, her eyes widening slightly before she dove for the ground. "Down!" She snapped, and the other sins followed suit, save for Sally, whom Wendy had to reach up to and pull down by the back of her sweater.
"What? What?!" Gail hissed as she lay on the gravel rooftop, looking side to side.
"...We are being watched," Priscilla snapped, "Stay silent!"

* * *

"...I'm serious, man, if I get another one today I think I'm gonna call the whole thing quits. The normal ones just aren't worth all the craziness," Sidney finished.
"Yeah, yeah, sure," Kevin said, Sid's words passing in one ear and out the other as he looked over his shoulder. "Dude, did you see the size of that cop back there?" He asked, turning to Sid.
"What?" Sid asked, stopping and turning around. The police officer Kevin was referring to was rather easy to spot, even with their back to them. Close to seven feet, they towered over most of the other chinatown residents, broad shoulders and buldging muscles barely-constrained in a blue uniform.
"Good grief," Was all sid could come up with.
"Friggin' Alcatraz in a hat," Kevin said, shaking his head. "Wonder what he's looking at?" He added, putting a hand to his eyes and following the officer's craned neck to scan the roof-line.
"Maybe some taggers or something," Sid said, shrugging as he turned back in the direction they were heading. "I wish the city would just put up some big concrete slabs in somewhere they could do that stuff legally. There's got to be a way to let them paint without making them criminals and without them messing up somebody's house or business."
"They've certainly put up weirder crap and called it art," Kevin said, tossing one last look behind him as he caught up with Sid.
"Heh."
"But getting back to your little emo-bout with the dating service," Kevin continued, "what's to keep you from saying no to the weirdos? Why not just call that girl from the day before back and just work on her a bit?"
"Well, first, 'Work on' makes her sound like a car or something-"
"Both need lots of care and attention if you don't want them to give you headaches," Kevin quipped.
"Ha, okay," Sid conceded, "But more than that, I don't know that I want to lead her on."
"Lead her on?" Kevin asked. "What do you mean?"
"Well, she's nice, and, I dunno, I can see us being friends, but... I guess I want someone more active, you know? Someone who likes to do things. Legal things," He clarified after a brief pause, "things I don't have to worry about being seen doing, you know?"
"What, you too good for pitfighting?" Kevin teased.
"You know what I mean," Sid said. "Just.. something a bit more classy, I guess."

* * *

"So, what was the problem again?" Sloth asked as she lay on her futon in the viewing room.
"It wasn't safe there anymore," Pride said, staring at Sid and Kevin playing frisbee golf through the mirror. "We were being watched."
"...But you like being watched?"
Lust, Wrath, and Greed all looked over to Sloth, who just shrugged her shoulders. "What? She does."
The three vices looked away, Wrath rolling her eyes and muttering "Idiot" as she did so.
"We can't risk compromising the mission at this point," Pride said, narrowing her eyes at Sidney as Kevin teased him about a particularly botched shot. She huffed a breath through her nose as she sensed no flare of indignance, Sid taking the ribing in stride and trying again.
"Sidney Arthur Graham..." Pride said to herself as she shook her head. She closed her eyes for a moment, then turned to address the othr sins. "At least we were able to find out Sidney's preferences before we had to leave..." She said.
"Hmph," Wrath huffed, turning away. "'Classy'. What does he mean, 'classy'? I'm classy as fuck!"
Pride touched two fingers to her forehead, cradling her elbow in her other hand. "In any case, the choice for Sidney's next aranged date is obvious," She said.
"You?" Envy asked.
"I-what?" Pride said, looking at Envy. Envy looked away, but her skin was already turning the color of concrete, as close as she could approximate to Pride's radiant silver coloring.
"You- you're always so regal-looking and self-assured," Pride said, the eyes on her wings fixated on Pride even as she squinted the eyes on her face, trying not to stare at Pride.
"No- well, yes- I mean, of course I am, all those and more," Pride said, recovering from her momentary confusion between being angry at being interrupted and gladly taking the flattery that the interruption consisted of. "But be that as it may, I have decided that Greed's lesser sophistication is still enough to serve my purposes."
Wrath and Greed both looked at Pride, then to each other before looking back at Pride.
"...O-kay," Greed finally said. "What do you want me to do?"
"Show the mortal the pleasurable excesses of wealth and opulence as only you can," Pride said. "And no," she continued as Greed opened her mouth and lifted the index finger of her lower-right arm, "You many *not* leave him with the bill."
"But-"
"*No* buts," Pride said, narrowing her eyes. "No tricks, no cheats, no evasions. You will use your own wealth for this, and you will use copious amounts of it." Pride pointed a finger at Greed, the vice narrowing her eyes like Pride's finger was the barrel of a gun. "If you leave the mortal with the bill, I will be *extremely* disappointed," She warned.

"Ffft! Aaah! Och!" Wrath heard as she apprached to door to the room she sahred with Greed. A smile exposed her fangs as she leaned against the doorway, listening to each of Greed's tiny exclamations of pain. She opened the dor just in time to see Greed pull another bill off her wings, a drop of black, tar-like blood dripping off the end of it. Greed looked over her shoulder as her two lower hands took the bill and added it to a small but growing pile in front of her.
"Oh, stuff it," She said, seeing Wrath's grin and turning back to her work. She winced as her top-left hand pulled another bill off her wing, the silver dollar it had budded from splitting open and falling to the floor.
"Hey, free entertainment like this doesn't come along every day." She replied. Wrath just liked to watch Greed suffer, especially after the humiliation Pride had put her through the night before. She knew that if Greed waited for the bills to "ripen" of their own accord, they would fall off naturally; it was when she couldn't wait for the money to properly bloom that it hurt to harvest it.
"It's not like- Nng!- you don't hate her as much as I do," Greed muttered.
Wrath's grin fell, her eyes narrowing. "...I'll take that bet," She said as she stepped inside the room, shutting the door.
Greed scoffed. "Not like it- thhtt!- matters," She said. "What difference does she make if she knows?"
"I dunno," Wrath said, sitting on her bed and grabbing a grinding stone from her bedside table. "I could rat you out."
"Pfft, so what?" Greed asked, wincing as she pulled another bill off her wings. "So you can be her *favorite* lapdog?"
"Yeah..." Wrath said, sharpening her finger and toe claws with the grinding stone. "Same reason you've never ratted on me. Won't do any good, even the best second place is still just the first loser."
Greed only nodded as she kept pulling bills from her wings.
"...It is strange, though, isn't it?" She asked.
"What?" Wrath asked in turn, putting her foot up on her knee to sharpen her toe claws.
"She seemed really shook when envy asked if she was gonna do the next one."
"Yeah... Yeah, what's with that?" Wrath asked. "She's usually first to do anything that will supposedly impress pops, why's she running us through first?"
"...If only I could have read the letter," Greed muttered. "What's she playing at with this kid?"
"Only Pride knows," Wrath shrugged, moving on to her horns, "And she ain't telling."
"...If she even knows," Greed said, remembering her confrontation with Pride on the rooftops.

* * *

"Dude, you would not believe the hottie I have lined up for tonight," Kevin said as he came into work the next morning.
"Oh, here we go again," Sid said as he washed vegetables in the trough.
"No, I'm serious, man, this time I've really hit the jackpot!" Kevin said as he put his apron on, practically bouncing with excitement. "Hot, smart, driven- we talked for hours last night after I got back from the golf course. We're gonna go on our first date tonight!"
"Well, lucky you," Sid said as he put the bundles of carrots in the washcloth-lined drying tub. "What does she do?"
"I... Don't know, exactly," Kevin said, scratching his temple with the back of his wrist before tossing his carrots in the tub as well. "Something about contracting and negotiations and acquisitions, that sort of stuff."
Sid nodded. "Well, so what are you gonna do on your date?"
"Well," Kevin started as he joined Sid at the washing trough, "She says she's new in town, so I figure I'll take her across the bridge, on a trolley, that sort of stuff."
"The whole tourist shebang, huh?" Sid asked as he added another bundle of carrots to the tub.
"One of the perks of living in a tourist town, homie," Kevin said, clapping sid on the arm as he walked behind him, adding one final bundle of washed carrots to the tub before picking the whole thing up. "The city's attractions become your attractions, at least for the first date!" He exclaimed as he backed through the door leading to the front of the store. Sid just shook his head and moved on to the cabbages.

* * *

Sid was on his computer when the phone rang, looking through the dating site to try and find Sally's contact information. He thought he'd like to try another date, perhaps a bit more active this time: maybe have a picnic at the golden gate park and watch the sun set or something.
"Hello?" He asked, cradling the receiver in his shoulder as he headed back to his computer. For some odd reason he couldn't find any record of Sally's message with her picture or their conversation.
"Sid!" Kevin's paniced voice came through the receiver, causing Sid to flinch away from the earpiece. "Thank God! You gotta get over to my place!"
"What? Why? What's the matter?" Sid asked, standing up from his chair.
"I'm stuck in downtown, they've got the whole thing cordoned off, something about a bomb threat or something, I dunno-"
"Oh my gosh, are you okay?" Sid asked.
"I'm fine, but I'm stuck here, and my date's gonna be here any minute!" He said, yelling over a lot of background noise. Sid guessed that Kevin wasn't the only one being detained thus. "You gotta get down to my place and make sure she doesn't leave! You remember how to get to my place, right?"
"Yeah, sure," Sid replied.
"Okay, good," Kevin said. "Her name is Gail, Gail Aucalf. Just, I dunno, make small talk or something until I get back. Don't let her leave!"
"Okay, okay," Sid said, pinching the receiver in his shoulder as he put his boots back on.
"Thanks, man, you're a life-saver. I'll be there as soon as possible!" Kevin said, before hanging up.
Good grief, Sid thought as he put on his jacket and headed out the door, late for a date and it's not even mine.

* * *

Sid tried to pace himself between getting to Kevin's quickly and getting there without sweating too much; showing up soaked in sweat would be the quickest way for Kevin's date to vacate the premises. Still, he didn't want to risk her leaving before he got there either, so his jog over to kevin's apartment was a staccato shift between third and fourth gears, so to speak. As he rounded the corner to Kevin's apartment, he slowed a bit as he saw a stretch limousine double-parked in front of the apartment building. Kevin lived in a nicer part of chinatown than Sid, sure, but not *that* nice. As he wandered into the complex's entryway, the blacked-out limousine windows reminded him of the same limousine that had pulled by his apartment earlier in the week- actually, it reminded him of it a lot.
Sid shook his head as he hit the elevator button in the complex's meager foyer. It wasn't anything to gt paranoid over- all those limos look the same anyways.

As sid walked down the hallway to Kevin's apartment, he noticed the door was open slightly. That's never good, Sid thought, his pulse quickening as he came up to the door and pushed it open. "H-hello?" He stammered, getting the feeling he might be stepping into a burglary.
A slight rustle and bang of furniture made Sid's heart jump, his hand reflexively tightening around the doorknob as a spike of adrenaline surged through him.
"Kevin?" A woman's voice asked as she stuck her head out of the doorway leading to Kevin's bedroom. "Oh! Hi," She said, smiling as she walked towards Sid, holding her hand out. "You must be Kevin. I'm Gail. The door was unlocked so I let myself in."
"uh, hello," Sid said, mentally trying to calm himself as he took Gail's hand. "Sorry, I just, um... a-hem!" He got out, clearing his throat to buy some time. He discretely wiped his hand on his jeans, hoping Gail hadn't noticed his sweaty palms. "Uh, I'm not Kevin, actually, I'm Sidney, Kevin's friend. He got, ah, held up, so..." Sid was trying to pay attention to what he was saying, but most of his attention was too busy being amazed at what Gail was wearing. Not so much her clothes, perhaps- the gold colored evening gown and high heels were elegant, yet simple- but he accessories were astounding. Hanging from each ear was a diamond earring the size of which Sid didn't think he'd ever seen in his life, around her neck was a string of black pearls that looked too enormous to be anything but real, and a menagerie of colored stones decorated her fingers below gold and jewel-encrusted bracelets. Even on top of all that, she wore an armlet of solid gold on her left arm and a wound-up gold chain just below her right elbow, the dangling hoops of gold shining in the late-afternoon sunlight coming through Kevin's window.
"So he's not going to make it?" Gail said, pouting.
"N-no!" Sid said, snapped back to reality. "I mean, ah, yeah, he's going to be along. Eventually." I hope, he silently added to himself.
"Well, pooh," Gail said, looking away and pinching her chin between her thumb and forefinger. Sid had to work not to get lost staring at the gemstones Gail seemed to effortlessly flaunt no matter what position she was in.
"Is- is something the matter?" Sid asked.
"Well, Sidney," Gail said, looking down through the wall to where the limousine was, "I've got reservations and a driver waiting, and I don't know how long they'll be able to wait. Did you talk to Kevin? Do you know how long he'll be?"
"Er..." Sid said, scratching his head. Anything dealing with the SFPD wasn't going to be fast, he was pretty sure...
"Well, how about this," Gail said, walking into Kevin's kitchen and grabbing a pen out of the holder under the phone and an empty envelope off the kitchen table. "I'll write him a note, we can go pick up the food, bring it back, and then we'll have a little picnic here in the living room."
Sid thought while Gail wrote the note. If the reservation was already made and the limousine paid for, it'd be rude to waste everyone's time and money. Unless it was like really far away, they could probably get to whatever restaurant Gail had in mind, get the food boxed up, and bring it back pretty quickly. Even if Kevin got there before they did, he probably wouldn't have to wait long. Better thqn trying to fight for another reservation on a saturday night.
"Well, oka-"
"And done!" Gail said, sticking the note to the refridgerator door with a piece of tape. She capped the pen she was writing with, stuck it in her purse, and turned to Sid. "Okay, let's go, before we're late!" She said, skipping past Sid and grabing his hand. "Time is money!"

* * *

"Wow..." Sid said as he looked around the spacious interior of the limousine, bouncing slightly on the seats.
"First time in a Limo?" Gail asked as she opened the mini fridge, grinning.
"Yeah," Sid answered, looking around. Mirrored ceiling, moon roof, lights running the circumfrence of the cab... It was unlike anything he'd ever seen before.
"You want a soda or something?" Gail asked as she put the tiny liquor bottles in her purse. "Paid for it, might as well use it." She added.
"Uh... Sure," Sid answered, craning his neck to see the bottles. "Can I have that club soda there, please?" He asked.
"Coming right up," Gail answered, pitching the bottle to Sid before going back to her pillaging of the mini-fridge's contents. "So what do you do, Sidney?" Gail asked as Sid's cap hissed open.
"I work at a grocery store," He said, looking out the windows. "And, uh, 'Sid' is fine. What about you?"
"Is the pay good?" She asked, finally closing the mini-fridge door.
"It's okay," Sid shrugged. "Enough to live on."
"Enough to survive, maybe," Gail scoffed as she sat back, crossing her legs and folding her hands over her knees; even in the muted light coming through the tinted windows her jewelry sparkled. "But live? Not if this is your first time in a limousine."
"Wh- well what's that supposed to mean?" Sid asked. "I'm pretty okay with what I've got."
Gail earched an eyebrow at Sid, grinning slightly. "'Pretty okay'? That's called settling, Sid. Find me one multi-millionaire who's 'pretty okay' with their standard of living." She scooted towards Sid, sitting on the bench-seat directly across from him as she leaned forward. "Everything worth anything in this life costs money, Sid. It is, as they say, what makes the world go 'round."
Sid opened his mouth to reply, but Gail just kept on going.
"And don't think me shallow or materialistic," She said, leaning back. "In a way, money is the great equalizer, it can make anyone equal to anyone else. Look at that Stephen Hawking fellow, he can barely move and yet if he wanted to, he could buy the same house as any lunkhead pro football player. Why, because they've both got the money, and at the end of the day, it's all anyone really cares about- what you can do with your money."
Sid tilted his head to one side and then the other, mulling Gail's words over. There was certainly some truth to it, that the cash register doesn't play favorites. "Well," He said, smiling back, "I guess I've just gotta quote the old song on this one: 'the best things in life are free'."
Gail laughed, the act causing her jewelry to bounce and sparkle on her frame. "I've heard that song, and let me tell you, I know a woman who for a few hundred bucks can be a better kisser- or whatever- than that singer's ever had."
"Is her name Lucy?" Sid scoffed.
Gail paused, cocking her head at Sid. "Ferraro?" She asked. "Tall, blonde, huuuuge bazoombas?"
Sid blinked, then laughed. "Yeah, actually," He said. "You, ah... know her?"
"Oh yeah," Gail said, waving her hand at Sid. "We travel in the same circles sometimes. But no, she's not who I was referring to. She does all of her, ah, 'work' pro bono when she's looking for the next temporary Mr. Right." She turned her head, looking out the window. "Shame, too- as good as she is, she could make *bank* if she wanted to."
Sid couhed, feeeling his face flush. "So, ah, what did you say you did again, Gail?"

* * *

"They're talking about me!" Lust said from her futon in the viewing room, propping herself up on her elbows. "I can feel it!"
"Talkinf abow yu?" Gluttony asked, looking at Lust and back to the viewing mirror with her mouth half-stuffed with popcorn balls. "Gulp- why would they talk about you?"
"Well, because I'm a sexy, sexy chick, obviously," Lust said, rubbing her two breasts together. "But aside from that I don't know."
"I would surmise she is attempting to ground Sidney in reality," Pride said, hands on her hips. "At once throwing him off-balance by bringing such a carnal memory to bear yet grounding him in the fact that 'Lucy' is indeed a real person and not just a figment of some crazed imagination. At least, that's what she would be doing if she were as brilliant as I."
At the back of the room, Wrath rolled her eyes and scowled.

* * *

"...and leveraging my various contacts, assets, and liabilities from other entities, I supply the contractee with the means and capital for them to fulfill their own ventures while keeping a collateral to be paid out for later," Gail said, counting off on her fingers.
Sid nodded, but it was only a gesture of politeness; he'd long since become completely lost in the verbal maze of financial lingo.
"So, ah, what exactly do these, um, 'clients' give you, then?" Sid asked, able at least to understand 'collateral'.
"Well, there are a number of tangible, semi-tangible, and intangible assets that usually... oh, we're here!" Gail said, looking out the window as the limousine finally stopped. Gail scooted next to the door, bouncing in anticipation. Sid scooted over behind her, looking out the windows. Wide streets, tall buildings... They must be near downtown.
"Ah... tht's better," Gail said as she stepped outside, taking a deep breath of the cool evening air. Sid blinked, suddenly feeling rather under-dressed. He zipped up his jacket as he looked around, spotting the spire of the TransAmerica building between the row of skyscrapers across the street.
"Man," Sid said to no one in particular, "I can't remember the last time I was even near this neighbor...hood?" He said, losing his train of thought as he turned and noticed Gail bent over the gutter. Gail turned, smiling awkwardly as she shook the water (or whatever it was soaking in, Sid didn't want to hazard any further contemplation) off the quarter and dropped it in her purse.
"...Waste not, want not, right?" Gail offered as she made her way to the door of the building they were in front of.
"I... guess?" Sid offered as he followed along, his feeling of underdessedness only magnifying as he went through the lobby, everything shining brass and granite.
"Um... this place we're picking up the food from- it doesn't have a dress code, does it?" Sid asked.
"Oh, don't worry about it," Gail said, waving him off as the elevator dinged for the lobby. "I'll take care of it."
Sid fidgeted in the elevator, his orange jacket standing out like a traffic cone in the sea of black and white. Still, he thought, of all the awkward situations he'd been in the past week, this was admittedly one of the more pleasant ones. It was just too bad Kevin couldn't be here for this- hopefully they'd be able to get their food and get back without too much awkwardness.
"This is us!" Gail chirped at the elevator dinged again, sid doing a double-take at the floor number.

The doors opened to cherrywood walls, soft classical music, and a tuxedoed Maitre'd. Sid felt his cheeks flush as he followed gail through a pack of reluctantly patient men and women in formalwear right up to the podium.
"Aucalf, reservation for two," Gail said, taking a second to comb her fingers through her hair and showing off her earrings in the process.
The Maitre'd glanced at Gails jewelry, then down to the reservation book, then back at Gail. "Yes, right away, Miss Aucalf," He said, before catching sight of Sid. "Er... is your companion aware of the dress code?"
"Oh, yes, of course," Gail said, giving a short laugh. "It's just, you see, this was sort of a spontaneous date, originally it was just me, and he didn't have time to change when I grabbed him off the work site for his new building." Gail leaned slightly over the podium, displaying quite another kind of riches. "Surely there's some way you can help us?"
"Er..." The maitre'd started, eyes darting from point to point. "Do you-"
"Thirty-eight long," Gail answered.
"One moment," he said, and excused himself as quickly as would be considered decorous.
"What was that all about?" Sid asked.
"Just greasing the skids a little," Gail said, turning to Sid and smiling. "Can't seat us when you're looking all grungy."
"Well, thanks," Sid said, blushing a little, "But do we even need to be seated? I thought we were just picking up the food to take back to Kevin..."
"Oh, c'mon, look at this view!" Gail said, gesturing to the windows at the back of the restaurant. Sid craned his neck, trying to see past all the other diners and waiters. He could see the lights from the other skyscrapers, and past that the waters of the bay. Not a lot of restaurants that could claim to see the bay, not from here at least, and certainly not cheaply.
"We've gotta wait for the food anyway- why not at least wait at a table with some drinks and free bread?" She asked.
"Well..." Sid said, looking up as the maitre'd brought a suit jacket back to the podium. "Okay, I guess," He said, taking his jacket off and slipping into the one the maitre'd handed to him. They were led to a table by the window, Sid momentarily agog at the view it had over the bay.
"Now this is more like it," Gail said as she settled into her seat, accepting a menu from the maitre'd and opening it up. "I'd like to start off with a bottle of wine, please. Something in the sixties, a Bordeaux perhaps?"
"I'll certainly seewhat we have on hand," He said, giving a quick bow before looking at Sid. "And for you, sir?"
"Ah... just water, for now," Sid said as he smoothed his napkin in his lap. With a bit of trepidation, he cracked the menu, eyes widening slightly when he say the prices. The restaurant didn't even bother to put the cents on the prices; simply two digits (or even three!) and a dash.
"Now, uh, did Kevin and you, ah... talk about..." Sid started, trying not to be indecorous but knowing there was no way in a million years Kevin could afford this sort of expense.
"Oh, don't worry about it," Gail said, waving a hand. "I've got it."

* * *

"...I don't get it," Gluttony said.
"There's a shocker," Wrath quipped.
"What is it you don't understand?" Pride asked, ignoring wrath.
"Well, I mean, she's got all the trappings down, but she's not doing anything. You'd think she'd be pressing on the kid by now; why not?"
"I believe her intention is to surround him in the positive results of her vice before attempting to push him to make it his own," Pride said. "Showing and then telling, so to speak, instead of trying to do both at once. Highlighting how much better his life could be if he focused more on the accumulation of wealth."
Envy opened her mouth as if to speak up, but thought better of it and curled up into her seat more.
"Basically, she seems to be taking the same approach Lust did, only with more subtlety," Pride finished, nodding.
"Pfft," Wrath said, hands on her hips. "How could you not be more subtle than Lust?"
"Oh, this from *you*?" Lust retorted, he tail blowing a raspberry at Wrath.
"You wanna make something of it?" Wrath shot back. Pride rolled her eyes and turned back to the viewing mirror.

"Ah... exquisite," Gail said as she tilted the wine glass down from her lips. "Perfect. Leave the bottle."
"Certainly, madame," The server said.
"Try some, Sid," Gail offered, tilting the bottle toward him with her other hand. "I mean, why have a driver if you're not impaired?"
Sid laughed, but put a warding hand up anyway. "No, no thanks."
Gail shrugged. "More for me," She said as she filled her glass again. "The expensive stuff really *is* better," She said, arching an eyebro to Sid.
"No thanks," Sid repeated, still trying to find the least-terrible option on the menu. The prices really were outrageous.
"Well, okay, so then what're you gonna get for an appetizer?" Gail asked, picking up her menu again.
Appetizer? Sid shook his head. The appetizers alone were more expensive than most meals he'd eaten out. "I, uh, I'm not that hungry."
Gail rolled her eyes, resting her chin on her knuckles, elbow on the open menu. "Well, then what kind of appetizer do you think KEvin would like?" She pressed.
"Uhm..." Sid was stuck for this one- he couldn't decline on Kevin's behalf, so he had to get something. He looked for the cheapest item on the menu, a bowl of soup. "He really likes soup," Sid offered. He'd never heard Kevin give an opinion one way or another on soup, but at twelve dollars for an appetizer bowl he'd better like it.
"Okay, and what about dinner?" She continued. "What does he like?"
This one was a little clearer. Sid knew Kevin liked a good piece of meat, but when the hamburgers were Kobe beef, even that was ridiculously expensive. He looked for the cheapest steak he could find on the menu, and told Gail Kevin would like that.
"What?" Gail asked, drawing back. "That horrid piece of jerkey? Nonsense. If he wants meat, nothing less than the chateaubriand will do. In for a penny, in for a pound, after all."
"Chateau...?" Sid repeated, looking for the price on the menu.
"Oh, you poor thing, you've never had chateaubriand?" Gail said, her brow furrowing. "YOu really should ask your boss for a raise."
Sid shifted in his seat. "Well, I mean, I don't think my boss can afford it, really..."
Gail gave Sid a disapproving look and shook her head. "How long have you been working at your job?"
"About a year and a half now."
"And how many raises have you gotten?"
"Well, none, but-"
"Pfft. None? Why? I bet after eighteen months you know that store like the back of your hand, know how everything works, know where everything goes..."
"Well, yeah, but-"
"But what? I bet if your boss got sick you could *run* that place, and yet you're still not worth more now than some stranger off the street?"
Sid had no real retort, so he just shifted in his seat and glanced down at his menu.
"Lemme tell you something that'll do you good the rest of your life, Sidney," Gail said as she folded her menu and leaned forward over the table. "Lots of people think giving is the way to happness, to making the world a better place. Well, it's not. Getting is. Getting is the way to making everything better. You want to give your time to a soup kitchen? Fine, that might help a few dozen people in an afternoon. You spend that same afternoon at a good-paying job, and you can use that money to buy enough foor to feed a hundred people. How many charities started by celebrity actors and sports stars and moguls. Find me one wing of a hospital named after a file clerk or a theater projectionist, really. No, the best good in the world is done by the people who got rich first, looked out for their own needs and interests, settled their lives, and *then* decided to use what was left over from others. Giving to nothing from nothing isn't a noble sacrifice, it's giving half a parachute to a falling person so now you both hit the rocks. Looking out for number one lets you eventually look out for number two, three, four, and so on down the line. So, get paid what you're worth. Demand it, even. You can help the people you've left behind on your way up once you reach the top." Gail looked like she was about to continue, but then the waiter approached, and her tone instantly perked back up.
"Oh, hey!" She said, smiling. "Okay, so we need one chateaubriand to go and one for right here, both medium-rare" She started, "Oh, and add a bowl of soup du jour to that to-go order. As for me, I'll have the conch fritter and caviar with white truffle sauce."
"Will there be anything else?" The waiter asked as he finished jotting down the food.
"...Another basket of bread?" She asked, holding up the crumb-lined basket between them. Where'd it all gone, Sid wondered?
"Certainly," The waiter nodded, taking the old basket with him as he went away with the menus.

"Man, look at that view," Gail said, looking out the window. "Not the cheap seats, that's for sure."
Sid looked out the window, but didn't really take in the sights; he was still mulling over Gail's words.
"...Speaking of cheap, I noticed you pick up a quarter out of the gutter earlier," Sid finally said, looking at Gail.
"YEah?" Gail answered. "Penny saved is a penny earned, right?"
"Well, sure, but it's quite a switch between pulling a quarter out of the gutter and spending... I don't even want to think how much, on a guy you've only talked to once and another guy you've literally just met," He said, gesturing to himself.
Gail shrugged. "One of the advantages of having money," she grinned. "You get to spend it on whatever you feel like."
"But, it just seems at odds with the rest of it," Sid said, shrugging. "I mean, you just got me a meal- *a* meal- that were I to get a regular steak at a perfectly decent place, I'd still have enough left over to pay my utilities for two months."
"So?" Gail asked, taking another sip of wine.
"So, I guess the question is, where does this 'rich charity' start? I mean, at what point does 'living well' turn into 'selfishness'? When do you pass from 'frugal' to 'miserly'?"
"Sidney-" Gail started, her expression freezing.
"When do you go from 'ambition' to 'greed'?"
Gail flinched as though she'd been struck.

* * *

"Damn his luck!" Lust exclaimed. "I swear, again! A perfect four for four!" She sprang to her feet, looking at Pride. "He must be getting help. No one's this lucky. One of *them*-"
"Settle down," Pride said, her brow furrowed. "I'd know by now if he was getting angelic assistance. Though it is oddly disquieting..."
"Why isn't she bolting?" Gluttony asked. "She's already starting to show."
"She's making a meager attempt to salvage her failure," Pride said, shaking her head.

* * *

"So, uh, I mean, I've got a fairly divested portfolio of non-profits and so on, and so, um, it's really not fair of you to judge me in such a way, without, uh, without all the facts, right?" Gail said, trying to get the words out as fast as possible. She was already clamping her arms down to her sides in an attempt to his her second pair of arms as they grew out, and her horns were going to start poking out of her hair at any moment. Her skin was already changing, and she could feel her hips and bosoms swelling against the gold fabric of her dress.
"I suppose, and I'm sorry, it's just..." Sid started, trailing off as he looked at Gail. The instant he cocked his head, Gail lurched from her seat. "I'm sorry, I've gotta go to the restroom real quick," She said, taking a step away from the table, pausing, turning back, grabbing the bottle of wine, and continuing on.
"But-" Sid started, a little shocked.
"And the bar after!" Gail offered as an excuse, lifting the bottle slightly.
"O-okay," Sid said, starting to get up himself but wary of making a scene in a place where he was so obviously *out* of place.

* * *

"Who is it this time?" Pestilence asked as Greed materialized on the back of her horse. Looking behind her, she caught Greed's form and turned back to the reins of her diseased and emaciated horse, the infernal energies granted to it as an agent of the apocalypse the only thing granting it the stamina to continue.
"What do you mean, 'this time'?" Greed asked, somewhat indignant.
"I heard from Famine and War about you guys," Pestilence said, taking a deep, raspy breath, her corpulent form squeezing and rolling against itself as she moved on the horse. "You girls been taking a lot of free rides lately."
"Hmph," Greed said, crossing her arms. "Not intentionally."
Pestilence shrugged, snapping the reins of her horse again. "Same kid?" She asked, burping afterwards.
"Yeah, same stupid lucky kid," Greed groused, taking a sip from the bottle in her upper left hand.
"Huh," She said simply, guiding her horse to the Malbolge. Pestilence was never much for talking, and Greed wasn't eager to discuss her expedition, having seen how well it had gone the first three times. Greed took another swig of wine as Pestilence guided her horse past the seventh circle.
"...Can't you get a bigger horse?" Greed asked, trying not to touch PEstilence's filthy rags but finding little space between the rider's bloated form and the horse's arrow-riddled flanks.
"He's okay," Pestilence sniffed, rubbing one of her pock-marked and growth-infested arms against her nose.
"Maybe for you..." Greed groused. Still, she thought, she'd rather spend any amount of time on the disgusting horse than to be put in front of Pride with nothing to show.
"Hey, hey, leggo of that, those're mine," Pestilence said, twisting around as she stopped in front of the Vices' home.
"Just wanted a souvenier..." Greed said, her attempt to steal one of Pestilence's arrows thwarted by the end of Pestilence's bow batting her hands away. "All right, all right, geeze," She said, sliding off the back of Pestilence's horse. Looking around, she finished off the last of the wine before she got to the door, bracing herself for the malestrom of infernal fury waiting on the other side.

"Incompetence!" Pride shouted before Greed had even gotten the door all the way open. Pride was standing at the top of the staircase, Gluttony and Lust back behind her near the door to the viewing room. Wrath had jumped to the bottom floor, and was leaning against the hallway to the den underneath the catwalk. Sloth and Envy were nowhere to be found, Sloth likely due to indifference and Envy for the exact opposite reason.
"You left him with the bill. Ridiculous. Inconceivable," She said, her heel-talon clacking against each step like a nail driving into the stone. "I *specifically* instructed you to pay for his evening and now he is *walking* home, nearly *penniless* because of the bill *you* abandoned him to."
"I-"
"SILENCE," Pride yelled, violet fire blazing in her eyes. "Pathetic. He is but one mortal. One! We have pulled entire cities into chaos, corupted entire societies, and yet you fail, day after day, thwarted by a single dim-witted mortal!"
Greed scowled. "If you've got the answer to why he seems so incorruptible, why we can't even get a decent reading off of him, then perhaps *you'd* like to take the next shot at him, save us all the trouble!" She snapped, stomping a golden hoof on the floor.
Pride's face twisted up, her eyes flaring so bright it made Greed squint against their brightness, though she refused to avert her gaze. "You *dare* presume to order *me*?!" She yelled, Gluttony and Lust backing away from Pride as she descended the rest of the stairs. "I do not *suffer* from your *incompetence*," She snarled, "When I deem my involvement *necessary*, I will-"
"Then *do* it!" Greed yelled back, all four of her hands up, palms open to catch any incoming blows. "Even you wouldn't string us along this far if you had any idea what you were doing! You would've swept in to save the day and make the rest of us look bad by now!"
"I know *exactly* what I-" Pride started.
"Then *prove it!" Greed bellowed. "Show us the letter!"
"Rrrrraaaaagggghh!" Pride howled, shoving Greed's shoulders back against the wall with a thud. Greed grabbed Pride's hands, but Pride whipped around, throwing Greed off of her and sending her skidding across the foyer, leaving a trail of shedded coins and bills across the floor until she crashed into the door to Sloth and gluttony's room.
Greed's head spun, getting slowly to her hands and knees, too dazed to even defend herself. A hand grasped the back of her neck and hauled her up, Greed throwing her elbows back only to have them stopped by a forearm. Greed looked over her shoulder right as Pride's door slammed, seeing she had been picked up by Wrath.
"I'm not the one you want to hit, idiot," Wrath growled, setting Greed down on her feet and whipping her hair once before walking out the front door.
"No..." Greed frowned, beding down to gather the scattered money. "No, you're not."

[SoylentOrange]

And heeeere's Gail!

[vidgamer85]

Disclaimer: Contents above may be partially to completely made of win.

'Nother excellent chapter sir. Most definitely looking forward to the illustration(s) that coincide with it as well