A Moment Forever (TG, AP) (Complete)

[Tinn]

Originally Posted by Reif

I suppose the real question becomes your own motivation, are you here to churn out TG stories, or are you here to make people think?

Neither of these is necessarily a bad motivation, to my mind. You can make people think, you can keep them entertained, you can even do both at once with effort.
That said, it <em>is</em good to decide what you're aiming for with a story fairly early on in the writing process. Clear thematic intent will make it easier to write a strong narrative, and may even take it in directions the author wouldn't have thought of otherwise.

Of course, not every reader likes intellectualism in their fun, and vice-versa. The greatest writers in history were unable to please everyone.

Shakespeare comes close, though.

[Tinn]

Originally Posted by Reif

Almost no realistic character is ever wholly good, or wholly evil.

Fortunately, under most circumstances authors are under no compulsion to make their characters realistic. It's far, far more important to make them believeable.
Realisim makes for easy believeability, of course, but it's not the only way to achieve it. Remember, the goal is to make it easy for the reader to react to the story on the story's terms.

[Apsm]

Originally Posted by frice2000

I didn't really like the accelerated aging of the girl at the end though...didn't feel right should have had a chance at a better childhood.

I'm going to agree with him. No matter how old you make the girl in appearance, she's still a child. Therefore, you're making Yurix into some sick pervert.

If anything, it would've made more sense to make Nikki become Yurix's partner, complete with personality change. That way, Yurix has a partner and Karyn can become his adoptive daughter.

[wandering_spirit]

Originally Posted by Apsm

I'm going to agree with him. No matter how old you make the girl in appearance, she's still a child. Therefore, you're making Yurix into some sick pervert.

If anything, it would've made more sense to make Nikki become Yurix's partner, complete with personality change. That way, Yurix has a partner and Karyn can become his adoptive daughter.

That's rough, but I see what you mean.

I'm writing a bit of a sequel to this. I'll take all you can give me for it.

[zdarkness]

I'm going to have to go with what Apsm said. Even if she somehow gained the knowledge and experience of an adult, that fact would kind of linger there.

One thing did confuse me, though. I remember a line similar to "he could feel eternity slipping away" near the end, while Yurix was breaking down. Does that mean he lost his immortality?

[wandering_spirit]

Aspm, zdarkness, Tinn, Dragon... you guys made your point.

Once I finish the second part, I'll show you the results. Right now, I'm at a point where Yurix has to fix both cases: Nicole's other 'personas' and Karyn's true wish.

I'm actually thinking of an AR for one case, and a mind swap. Would that work for you guys?

[Dragon]

Write for yourself, not for us. You'll make yourself crazy like all my other personalities.

[Hardcase]

A good read, to be sure.

It's amazing the amount of energy it takes just to sit before the keyboard and put out something these days. Kudos!

[wandering_spirit]

I worked up the second part of the story... but it's incomplete, due to lack of time. I tried to add a bit more depth to each character, but believe me... it's not easy.

Also, I might need a bit of help to work up the ending. Once I get the parts together, I'll post what I got.

[wandering_spirit]

I better post what I got before I lose it again. Phew...

As for the rest... I'll need your ideas to help me out.

[Dragon]

What sort of input are you looking for? Looking back, I think I can see where you're going with the mind swap, etc. comment. I think it's pretty interesting you have Nichole come back and Yurix show remorse for changing Mark without knowing him. I guess what I'd need to know before offering my thoughts is what your thoughts are.

[wandering_spirit]

Originally Posted by Dragon

What sort of input are you looking for? Looking back, I think I can see where you're going with the mind swap, etc. comment. I think it's pretty interesting you have Nichole come back and Yurix show remorse for changing Mark without knowing him. I guess what I'd need to know before offering my thoughts is what your thoughts are.

The first idea I had was switching Nicole's mind into Karyn's body, then ARing Nicole, but the more I think about it, the less that solution would feel right.